Because we don't work out with Richie Incognito, we weren't able to land him for an interview. So we did the next best thing: We spoke with 17-year-old Richie Incognito, a student from Varese, Italy, and asked him his feelings on the Dolphins imbroglio.
All replies translated from Italian:
Hi, Richie. So, your name is Richard Incognito and you're from Italy. Can you tell us a little bit about yourself?
I'm a high school student in Varese studying mechanical engineering. My dream is to one day enter the world of professional motorcycling. My favorite dish is carbonara, I'm literally crazy about it, and I can easily eat three big dishes in a row. My motto is, "NOTHING IS REAL, EVERYTHING IS ALLOWED!"
Another Richie Incognito is making headlines here in the U.S. for accusations of harassment towards his teammate, Jonathan Martin.
As far as I'm concerned, they're both overgrown children. Richard Incognito is a monster who needs his daddy, and Jonathan Martin is a toddler who needs his mommy.
If you were NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, how would you handle the situation?
I'd give Incognito a light prison sentence, and I'd give Martin his bottle.
Do you sympathize with Jonathan Martin in any way?
I live in Italy. Some of us have been called a half-breed, the rest of us have called someone a half-breed. Jonathan should be thankful that he lives in the United States. He should come to Italy to play football. Then he will have something to whine about. Americans are very sweet and respectful towards their athletes. In Europe, when we say that we are going to kill your whole fucking family, it is very clear. It means that we are going to kill your whole fucking family.
Did you find it interesting–or maybe even insulting–that when Martin finally snapped during a meal with his teammates, the food he threw down to the ground was spaghetti?
I would be more concerned that Jonathan wasted proper food when so many people around the world are hungry. But I can't be too mad at him, because those were probably the only scraps of food he's ever thrown away in his life. (This is a joke. I have to make it clear because I don't want Jonathan to file a report.)
Are you mad at Incognito for dragging your name into this mess?
Richard Incognito said that he would apologize to Martin. He said that he would like to hug him. I saw the interview. Now I have to ask, "Where is my apology?" He has destroyed his name, he has destroyed my name, he has destroyed our name. What about all of the Richard Incognito's who are yet to be born? He has given them an unspeakable burden. Richard Incognito said he has a hug to give. Where is my hug? I have been offended, too.
What do you think of this picture of Incognito as a child?