Welcome to Tuesday Night Fights, a weekly celebration and analysis of street-fight videos found on YouTube. Tonight's fisticuffs: "Mad brawl fight Бешеная драка." Tonight's commentator: Me. (Coming next week: A live look-in of a fight in the Philippines.)
I have this friend/co-worker in Philly. Call him Phil for the sake of this discussion. He's probably a better person than I, at least in the context of this post.
We have an ongoing discussion that goes a little something like this:
Phil: Why do you post this stuff, these fights, this lower-common-denominator violence?
Me: Because it's there for the world to see [and other retorts covered in May].
Phil: The world needs more love and compassion, especially in trying times.
Me: That it surely does. Kumbaya. But why do all these people hold their phones up to record instead of step in to quash the violence before them? Hey, I got an idea: Let's watch this fight with a "Do Not Look video if you feel ill" warning. Share your zen with Deadspin Nation.
Phil: Nope. Not going to play any active role in making violence and suffering funny.
Me: Pleeeeeeeease [wimp *under my breath*]?
Phil: No. [Adds an aside about how the naked guy tweaking in the middle of a Philly street the other day is someone's father, brother, son or father.]
Me: Fine. *kicks dirt*
So, looks like it's up to me to review "Mad brawl fight" solo. And, yo, this jawn's nasty as all hell.
It's almost Daughters of Juggalarchy in spirit, with Red Hat Bro serving as carnie barker. Ignore the brawl dames. Focus on the crowd, those rubberneckers yelling:
• "Whoop that bitch, baby!"
• "Git 'er! Git 'er! Git'er!" "Fuck 'er!"
• "Yer doin' good, girl. That's the best I've ever seen anyone git 'er."
This On of Egging prompts participants to grunt koans like "I'll break your shit" and the ever-powerful post-head-kick "take a fuckin' break!"
What these wonderful people view is a structured battle. Three rounds. Skin sickeningly bared. Review of injuries.
This is when I realized that uploader's warning was prescient.
This is when I jotted down the phrase "collective passion for mindless lady violence." They're akin to the "don't crack down on NFL headshots. Tough men! Tough sport! Pussies no like headshots! HEAR WE ROAR!" crew.
This is when I realize Phil was right to skip Societal De-evolution In 3:28. But that won't stop me from sending him the link at 10:01 p.m. because it's there for the world to see now.