Bayern Munich had their backs against the wall. Down 3-1 to Porto after the first leg and short most of their best players due to injury, rather than folding under the pressure, Bayern kicked the shit out of their opponents 6-1, including a 5-0 lead at halftime. Here are all six goals, ranked by a top-secret proprietary formula that combines impressiveness and emotional devastation.

1.) Thomas Müller, 36th minute.

2.) Xabi Alonso, 88th minute.

3.) Thiago Alcântara, 14th minute.

4.) Robert Lewandowski, 40th minute.

5.) Robert Lewandowski, 27th minute.

6.) Jérôme Boateng, 22nd minute.