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I go to a lot of children's birthday parties. These parties are virtually identical. You go to a gym, you take off your kid's shoes, you hand your kid over to the 19-year-old girl making $6 an hour and wearing a bright red or blue shirt with the name of the gym on it (PLAY ZONE! GYMTASTIC! BALLS AND SHIT!), then you get the hell out of there to shop for liquor and come back 90 minutes later to retrieve your child. You get your hour and a half of quiet shopping time, and the birthday girl's parents get to pay $200 for the privilege of not having to clean up after 22 unruly children. No muss, no fuss. Unless there's candy in the goodie bag. More »
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Before Saturday, no one had rushed for 100 yards against the 49ers defense, and no one had run for a touchdown against the 49ers defense. Before Saturday, nobody had worn Skittles sneakers against the 49ers defense. Correlation is not necessarily causation, but this time it totally was, say scienticians. More »
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After Beast Mode went Beast Mode on the Eagles' sieve of a d-line, he retreated to his bench to taste the rainbow. This is nothing new for Lynch, whose sweet tooth grill goes back to his Bills days. His mother still buys him a pack before every game, and he talks about Skittles in the huddle. More »
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The Cowboys' new focus on defense includes rewarding players for turnovers with Snickers and Butterfinger bars, probably from a fun-size bag bought for $2.99 at a Stillwater Otasco. [AP] More »
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Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day. More »
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Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Find more of his stuff at his Twitter feed. More »
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Time for your Deadspin Open Mailbag Tuesday. Email us here or submit your questions via Twitter. This week, we're covering old urinals, candy, baby wipes, and more. More »
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Further proof that Joe Girardi is the Frank Burns of AL managers; he has forbidden the Yankees to eat candy or gum. Yes, that should turn the tide. New York would have four or five more World Series trophies if not for the evil of Skittles. Girardi is being really strict about this. More »
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