Deadspin: Chicago Bears

Jay Cutler Is Not A Winner Because He Doesn't Smile At Bears Employees, Writes Crazy Person

Dom Cosentino — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 18:20:00 EST

I'm not sure where to begin with this column by Rick Telander of the Chicago Sun-Times. The headline says it's about Jay Cutler, but the first half of it has nothing to do with Jay Cutler—it's all about Tom Brady and Eli Manning, since they're in the Super Bowl. By the time Telander gets to telling us about Cutler, he concedes that Cutler is the best quarterback the Bears have had in a very long time. He then faults the Bears for not acquiring a backup in case Cutler gets hurt, which he did midway through the 2011 season. And that's when Telander finally gets to his point: Compared with other quarterbacks—Telander goes on to name five who have won Super Bowls, plus Matt Stafford, you know, just because—Cutler just lacks ... "something." More »

Kristin Cavallari And Jay Cutler Are Gonna Have A Baby

Jack Dickey — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 12:31:30 EST

So what if Jay Cutler got injured and missed six games of the Bears' season, causing the team to miss the playoffs? He's more POTENT than he's ever been! More »

Mike Martz Is Retiring

Jack Dickey — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 17:20:50 EST

So reports Jason La Canfora. Martz tells the Chicago Sun-Times "It's time." Ominous. He's turning 61 in May. More »

Brian Urlacher's Injury Horrified His Teammates, Brought Them To Prayer

Timothy Burke — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 13:00:00 EST

Bears All-Pro linebacker Brian Urlacher opened the new year with an MCL sprain, though his reaction was so terrifying teammates fell to their knees in prayer. From DeKalb's Daily Chronicle: More »

Former Bears WR Willie Gault Is Being Accused Of Securities Fraud

Dom Cosentino — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 19:25:00 EST

A member of the '85 Super Bowl shufflers, Gault is one of six people allegedly connected with a scheme to falsely inflate the stock price of a company that makes heart-monitoring equipment. Smooth as a chocolate swirl. [Bloomberg] More »

Here's The Brutal Back Injury That Led To Bears WR Johnny Knox Being Carted Off The Field

Timothy Burke — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 13:50:00 EST

There's at least one gruesome injury a week in the NFL, but they're usually of the ankle, knee, or elbow variety. This one's a bit different, and really pretty horrible to watch. More »

Marion Barber Still Refuses To Talk About That Broncos Game

Sports Radio Interviews — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 16:55:25 EST

Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Let's play "how many different ways can Barber say 'I'm thinking about next week?'" More »

Revelations From Tim Tebow's Mic'd Up Sunday

Barry Petchesky — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 17:50:00 EST

If it's true that nobody actually KNOWS Tim Tebow, it's also true that we see in him whatever we want to see. That holds for his public appearances, his interviews, and his play from a bird's eye television angle. But thanks to NFL Films's Sound FX, we can get a little closer to Tim Tebow, actual NFL quarterback. Tebow wore a mic during Sunday's comeback win over the Bears, and it's an audio ink blot for your own personal Rorschach test. Everyone will take something different, for Tim Tebow contains multitudes. More »

Sam Hurd Was A "Top Drug Dealer" In City And Dealt To Fellow Players, Reports Chicago Radio Station

Emma Carmichael — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 16:45:30 EST

We figured that the case against Sam Hurd, who was arrested yesterday after allegedly attempting to purchase a large amount of cocaine from a federal agent, could get a whole lot messier as the details unfolded, but we didn't expect this: Chicago's 670 The Score reports that the police actually have a list "in the double-digits" of NFL players who were supplied drugs by the Bears wide receiver. More »

Bears Receiver Sam Hurd Arrested After Allegedly Trying To Purchase 5 To 10 Kilos Of Cocaine From A Federal Agent

Jack Dickey — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 11:52:30 EST

Even though Chicago brought in Roy Williams this offseason, Bears wide receiver Sam Hurd may have been the more disappointing former Cowboy. Hurd has only eight catches (no touchdowns) all season, and he's staring down some major federal drug charges. More »

The Ballad Of Dane Sanzenbacher And His Scrawny, White Friends

Jack Dickey — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 18:20:00 EST

Pete Segall and our plucky friends at The Classical have a good story up today about Dane Sanzenbacher and the receiver's burden after one dropped pass in November: "It cannot be easy for Dane Sanzenbacher, and it's easy to imagine the hard thrumming pressure on him, the sensation of letting down the cosmos with every drop or dead-end route." [READ »] More »

Brian Urlacher's Grudging Praise For Tebow: "He's A Good Running Back"

Emma Carmichael — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 14:30:27 EST

After the Bears blew a 10-0 lead in the final two-and-a-half minutes to fall to the almighty Tebow, Chicago LB Brian Urlacher was asked what he thought about the Denver QB: "He's a good running back, man," Urlacher told Brad Biggs of the Chicago Tribune. "He runs the ball well." High praise. [@BradBiggs] More »

And Lo Did Tebow Come Bearing Gifts, An Interception For The Bears' Charles Tillman

Timothy Burke — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 16:49:47 EST

Okay, so this was less a gift than a brilliant play by the Bears' Charles Tillman in both making the catch and keeping both feet inbounds. But it was Tim Tebow's first interception in six games, and that makes it at least a bit of a holiday miracle. [FOX] More »

ESPN Manufactures Favre Story Out Of Favre Dismissing ESPN's Manufactured Favre Story

Emma Carmichael — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 12:10:00 EST

Earlier this week, Michael Wright of ESPN Chicago reported that Brett Favre "would listen" to the Chicago Bears if they came calling and attempted to lure him out of retirement this season, even though it was considered "highly doubtful" that the team was even interested in the possibility. Over the past few days, we've also heard from Bus Cook, Favre's agent, who says that he "doesn't know" if the gunslinger would listen to the Texans, the Chiefs, or the Ice Capades. More »

Brett Favre's Agent Is Not Answering The Phone At The Moment

Dom Cosentino — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 15:40:00 EST

ESPN told us Favre might talk to the Bears, and I've already asked about the Texans. This time, I wanted to know what Favre would do if the Chiefs called; would he listen to them, too? I left Bus Cook a voicemail. You heard it here first. More »

Would Brett Favre Answer The Phone If The Texans Called, Too? Brett Favre's Agent Does Not Know

Dom Cosentino — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 15:10:00 EST

In light of ESPN's exclusive that the Dongslinger "would listen" if the Bears reached out to him—even though they likely won't, according to the same report—I just called Favre's agent, Bus Cook. I asked about the Texans, because why the fuck not? "I don't know what he would do," Cook said. "I don't know where any of this is coming from. It's all speculation. He's retired." More »

Brett Favre Would Answer The Phone If The Bears Called, According To Lamest Scoop Ever

Dom Cosentino — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 14:55:00 EST

Brace yourselves. ESPN is all over this one: More »

Kansas City's Tyler Palko And Dexter McCluster Connect On Hail Mary

Sean Newell — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 14:49:36 EST

The fifty yard heave pinballed around for a few seconds before finally landing in the hands of McCluster. The play ended a streak of 31 possessions without an offensive touchdown. More »

Jay Cutler On His Engagement, Round Two: "I Don’t Really Make A Lot Of Those Decisions"

Sports Radio Interviews — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 18:45:00 EST

Donovan McNabb's Quarterback Services Are Available Again, You Guys

Dom Cosentino — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 14:35:00 EST

Per Schefter, the Vikings are planning to release him. Where to next? The Texans? The Bears? The end? [via] More »

Kristin Cavallari Has Finally Accepted Jay Cutler's Second Offer Of Marriage

Jack Dickey — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 13:15:00 EST

It was a little over a week ago that we told you that Bears QB Jay Cutler and television lady Kristin Cavallari had gotten engaged again, after Cutler dumped Cavallari over the summer. Kristin then denied new engagement. Egg on our faces, or so we thought. More »

Jay Cutler Has Proposed Again To Kristin Cavallari, The Fiancée He Dumped In July [UPDATE: Cavallari Denies It!]

Jack Dickey — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 15:55:00 EST

Get psyched, everyone: Cut-Cav is back on for real. They're engaged again, per Life and Style magazine: More »

Tony Romo and Jay Cutler are Winners, Philip Rivers Stinks: Your Sunday NFL Roundup

Sean Newell — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 20:07:17 EST

What a weird day. Rex Grossman showed incredible touch and accuracy. Tony Romo made big plays when the Cowboys needed them. Sidney Rice was a more effective passer than Tarvaris Jackson. OK, so maybe that's not so weird. Anyway, here's your Sunday roundup. Enjoy. More »

The Lions Had An Awful Lot Of Excuses About The Wind Yesterday

Barry Petchesky — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 16:15:00 EST

You could chalk the Lions' embarrassing loss to Chicago up to many things. Turnovers, an inability to get the run game going, Matthew Stafford...but no matter how many things don't go your way, it remains all-but-impossible for an NFL team to win when the wind itself is a Bears fan. Here, some selected postgame quotes from both coach and QB. More »

A Brawl Broke Out In Chicago

Timothy Burke — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 19:30:28 EST

If you were watching the game, you saw this coming somewhere around the end of the first quarter, but the bitterness between the Bears and Lions finally came to a boil when a frustrated Matthew Stafford threw Bears defensive back D.J. Moore to the ground after tossing yet another interception, then faced Moore's retaliation—which Moore foolishly delivered right in front of the Lions' bench. [Fox] More »

Teams Should Probably Stop Punting To Devin Hester

Conor Hastings — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 17:57:38 EST

The Detroit Lions brought in a new punter this week and apparently no one gave him the memo that Devin Hester is really good at returning punts. Robert Malone made the mistake of kicking it in Hester's vicinity and, well, you can see what happens from there. More »

Jay Cutler's On-And-Off Ladyfriend, Kristin Cavallari, Says He Has The Best Butt In Football

Jack Dickey — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 19:00:00 EST

@KristinCav wishes @JayCutler6, and his butt, luck tonight against Juan Castillo and his occasionally ferocious wide nine defense: "To the man with the best butt in football, good luck tonight @jaycutler6 ill be watching." Suave Cutler replies, "thanks babe." More »

Remembering The Best Punt Return That Never Officially Happened

Jack Dickey — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 13:35:15 EDT

Bears wide receiver/returner Devin Hester—as Drew explained Monday—is the human highlight reel that opponents have to kick to. He gave us a splendid return on Sunday night. But perhaps his best play of the season came on a play when he never touched the ball, on a play that never happened, as far as the NFL's records go. More »

Devin Hester Was "Basically Attacked" With A Sucker Slap At A Casino Last Week

Emma Carmichael — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 16:40:30 EDT

You know who would probably be a bad person to slap in the back of the head in public? An NFL player. Specifically, an NFL player who is considered one of the fastest men in the sport and who can probably chase you down even if you're speeding away in a Rascal. More »

Jay Cutler Has A Message For Mike Martz: "Fuck Him!"

Dom Cosentino — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 14:35:00 EDT

The Bears' quarterback apparently wasn't too happy with something involving Martz, the team's offensive coordinator, at some point during last night's game. At least that's what the "Tell Mike..." part of what Cutler can be heard shouting near the end of this clip seems to indicate. I'm presenting this on the off-chance that Martz, who sits up in the coaches' booth, failed to get word of the bulletin Cutler had for him. It sounded urgent. [h/t to Sean] More »

Tingling Sensations: From The Stands At Ford Field, Watching My Former NFL Teammate Get Knocked Out Of A Game

Nate Jackson — Thu, 13 Oct 2011 16:35:54 EDT

DETROIT—I'm here to see my friend Tony Scheffler play. He's a tight end for the Lions and my last, best connection to a modern NFL that churns through players too quickly to catch. This is my third season out of the league; sometimes, it feels like no one I played with is still playing. But of the few who are, several of them are playing in this game—Tony and Jay Cutler, among them, the latter having been turned into the national punching bag by a lot of people who should know better. More »

Lions And Zebras And Bears—Oh Crap

Tom Scocca — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 15:15:10 EDT

We're doing a season-long NFL roundtable with our friends at Slate. Check back here each week as a rotating cast of football watchers discusses the weekend's key plays, coaching decisions, and traumatic brain injuries. More »

The Shittiest Seven Minutes Of The NFL Season, Condensed To One Shitty Minute

Conor Hastings — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 15:07:23 EDT

This is the Bears' second drive of the game, reduced to just the play stoppages. The drive lasted seven minutes and featured seven penalty calls in all and ended with Matt Forte getting stuffed on a fourth-and-1 at Detroit's 26. It was horrible. Relive it here. More »

Semi-Sentient Mammals Of The NFC North: Your Monday Night Football Open Thread

Barry Petchesky — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 20:30:00 EDT

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Cutler! Stafford! Suh! Urlacher! And a cast of 102 other players, many of them memorable in their own right. It's Bears/Lions on ESPN, with Detroit trying to keep pace with Green Bay, and Chicago merely trying to stay above water. More »

"I Ain't No Damned Monkey On A String": The Sadness Of Sweetness After Super Bowl XX

Jeff Pearlman — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 14:50:19 EDT

Today the 1985 Chicago Bears were finally honored at the White House—25 years after their 46-10 romp over the New England Patriots in Super Bowl XX. (The original trip was canceled because of the Challenger explosion.) That Super Bowl was memorable for many reasons—the headbands of Jim McMahon, the spectacle of William "Refrigerator" Perry—but it was also noteworthy for what didn't happen: Walter Payton didn't score a touchdown. In fact, the belief has long been that Payton was miserable after the game. In this excerpt from Sweetness, available on Amazon, author Jeff Pearlman revisits the scene after Super Bowl XX and finds the great Walter Payton in tears. More »

25 Years And Four Presidents Later, The 1985 Bears Will Finally Visit The White House

Dom Cosentino — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 11:40:00 EDT

The '85 Chicago Bears are one of the most iconic championship teams in NFL history. Payton. The Fridge. Ditka. McMahon. Buddy Ryan and his 46 defense. That rap song. A 15-1 record in a season that ended with playoff shutouts of the Giants and Rams followed by a 46-10 drubbing of the Patriots in Super Bowl XX. More »

Bears To Chester Taylor: You're Released ... Sike!

Dom Cosentino — Mon, 29 Aug 2011 15:10:00 EDT

"Taylor's agent Ken Sarnoff tweeted this morning that Lovie Smith told Taylor he was gone. But early this afternoon, Sarnoff tweeted: 'Here's a first for me - the Bears just called me and said they have NOT released Chester. He did talk with Lovie though...misunderstanding?'" [Chicago Sun-Times] More »

The Bears Have Already Discovered The Truth About Vernon Gholston

Dom Cosentino — Mon, 29 Aug 2011 14:30:00 EDT

After signing with the Chicago Bears, Vernon Gholston let it be known that he's "self-motivated," telling the Chicago Tribune that "(being a bust) is the natural assumption about me." That was four weeks ago, and it's clearly no less true today. More »

Just Like Magic, Two Middling Bears Running Backs Can Fuse Together To Form One Middling Bears Running Back

Jack Dickey — Sun, 14 Aug 2011 19:45:00 EDT

Spotted, last night at Soldier Field, a couple whose love is built on a foundation of middling former Bears running backs. More »

Jay Cutler And Kristin Cavallari Are Returning The Wedding Gifts You Sent Them, With Dainty Notes In Some Cases

Jack Dickey — Fri, 05 Aug 2011 15:15:00 EDT

Previously, we brought you the story of some Deadspin readers who bought gifts for Jay Cutler and Kristin Cavallari off their wedding registry. Then we told you that the Bears QB dumped Cavallari. Here comes the fallout, courtesy of Crate & Barrel. More »