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Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit disappears down an Iraqi spider hole. Today: D.C. Sports Bog remembers a few of Clinton Portis's words upon his arrival to Washington and into the cold embrace of a dangerous maniac disguised as a human cash machine. Portis would have some good years, but, ultimately, his career would be overshadowed by the team's failures and Snyder's stupidity. More »
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Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Portis says that everyone's playing scared. More »
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Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day. More »
]]> http://deadspin.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5657999&view=rss&microfeed=true Clinton Portis has apologized for this morning's "53 packages" comments on Ines Sainz. We are still awaiting comment from Sheriff Gonna Getcha and Southeast Jerome. More »
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Earlier, Portis was scolded by the NFL for his wacky remarks about the Ines Sainz scenario, but we're happy to report that he has one staunch supporter who reads this site. More »
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The always entertaining Clinton Portis chimes in on Sainz's Jets locker room dust-up in the way you would probably expect Clinton Portis to chime in on it. More »
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Your evening Tiger Woods roundup: Everyone meet Theresa Rogers, paramour No. 14, who at 40-something years old represented a bit of an uphill lie for young Tiger. More »
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The intrepid Dan Steinberg is once again wandering around Redskins training camp and in his quest for gold, he struck oil instead by tapping the fertile mind of Clinton Portis about that Sisquo hairstyle he sported earlier this offseason. More »
]]> http://deadspin.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5326512&view=rss&microfeed=true Yesterday, Clinton Portis went on John Thompson's radio show on WTEM 980 in Washington, D.C. and within minutes he and Thompson's co-host, former Redskin/Eagle Brian Mitchell , were at each others throats. B. Mitch has been critical of Portis in the past, which prompted the feud, and the DC Sports Bog has the highlights: Portis: "You think that I'm gonna back down? I ain't gonna back down." Mitchell: "If you ever want to go to that area, that'll be the wrong thing you do. Believe that. Believe that." More quotes after the jump. Believe that. More »
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We hope whoever takes over this site keeps the Deadspin Hall Of Fame going; it would make us very happy to see that still cruising along in a decade. (We also love that it's so difficult to get in; just one inductee last year!) One of the earliest enshrinees, Clinton Portis, is returning to his old tricks ... if in a somewhat less interesting, more corporate family friendly fashion. More »
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Via DC Sports Bog, which was invented for this very thing, it's Clinton Portis' newest "character." It's "Choo-Choo." We don't know what it means, and we don't care. It's like the final season of "Arrested Development;" not as inspired as the first go-arounds, but we're all just grateful it's back, nevertheless. More »
]]> http://deadspin.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=320600&view=rss&microfeed=true Easterns Motors may be known for luring low-income debt-ridden customers into purchasing a car they can't afford, but they're the only entertaining car dealership in the history of the world. It began with the all-time great radio jingle, it progressed into some brilliantly goofy tv spots with local athletes singing said jingle, and now it's come to this; a delightful video filled with cars, a goofy Clinton Portis wearing a hilarious shirt, and some fetching young ladies. There might have even been a car in there somewhere, I don't really remember. Thanks to the brothers Mottram at Mister Irrelevant for bringing this to light. More »
]]> http://deadspin.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=315993&view=rss&microfeed=true "If [Saunder] says, 'Clinton I need you to run through that brick wall,' and that brick wall, it's hard to run through a brick wall, I've got to find a way to get as close as I can and dive over the top of this brick wall and tell him, '[Bleep], I made it over.' You know? 'I did it. I didn't do it the way you asked me to do it, but I got there'." Welcome back, Portis. [D.C. Sports Bog] More »
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Ron Mexico might be going through a particularly difficult time right now, but it's worth noting that he has one significant booster: Deadspin Hall of Famer Clinton Portis. He'd just like you and your ilk to leave Mr. Vick and his puppies alone. More »
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We'll confess, we don't watch that "Flavor Of Love" show on VH-1; we remember once having good thoughts about Flavor Flav, many years ago, and just seeing the highlights of the show makes us extremely uncomfortable, like we're watching Reagan in the last throes of Alzheimer's or something. (We bet Chuck D can't watch that show without throwing up.) More »
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This is for all of you Halloween revelers who are planning on being clever tomorrow night and dress up like Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter. And you know who you are. We see you with the Paul Hogan hat and the toy sting ray and the too-tight khaki shorts, and we're begging you to stop. My God, many of you even have toy crocodiles. Ecch. Just don't do it. And not because it would be in poor taste, but because it's lame; everyone is going to have the same idea. From the Snopes.com message board: More »
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That's right, folks: You thought the beat slowed down, but with Clinton Portis, the beat just don't slow down. More »
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There's a reason that you must wait five years until after your career is over to be elected to most professional sports Halls of Fame; it looks strange to have a Hall of Famer out there running around like everybody else. It seems beneath them, somehow. More »
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Presenting the next member of the inaugural class of the Deadspin Hall Of Fame ... More »
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Before he was co-opted by The NFL Network and Daniel Snyder's presumably slave-waged garmentmakers, Redskins running back Clinton Portis consistently provided us immeasurable entertainment pretty much every Thursday for two months. More »
]]> http://deadspin.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=197407&view=rss&microfeed=true You know we love Clinton Portis, right? Our enjoyment of his play and his antics, we believe, is unquestioned. More »
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Fully capitalizing on something it stumbled across last season, the official Redskins site Redskins.com is now selling T-shirts adorned with every Clinton Portis character from his press conferences last year. Those who were with us last season will remember our schoolgirl crush on Portis, particularly Coach Janky Spanky, who resembled pretty much every gym teacher we've ever had. More »
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We supposed part of us should be depressed by the news that Clinton Portis is taking his strangely brilliant "characters" from last season's Redskins press conferences and using them to shill for the NFL Network, but we can't quite summon up much outrage. Honestly? We're just happy to see the characters back at all. More »
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Oh, big things today thanks to The Mighty MJD: A radio interview with the great Clinton Portis that he announces from the get-go is "only willin' to talk x-rated." And then we're off. You can hear the interview right here, highlights include: More »
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Hey, look, on "Cold Pizza": It's Coconut Jones! (He may look vaguely familiar to you.) More »
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To, at last, close the book on our man Clinton Portis and all his press conference personas from the last year, the man himself has finally updated his personal Web site with a detailed timeline, with biographical sketches, of each fraction of his tortured soul. More »
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If the real sports world were like the Deadspin sports world, someone like Dennis Rodman or Joe Pepitone would be popping open some champagne this morning, 1972 Dolphins-style: The Clinton Portis madness streak has finally come to an end. More »
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With the Redskins improbably advancing to the NFL's Final Eight, we're obviously going to be ratcheting up the Clinton Portis coverage even more than we already have, if that's not terrifying enough for you. As a little appetizer, though, we present you this gaggle of advertisements for Easterns Automotive Group, a used-car dealership that specializes in people with terrible credit. (Their slogan is "Your Job Is Your Credit," which is better than, say, "Your Dog Is Your Credit" or "Your Bath Towel Is Your Credit.") More »
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We know this has already been covered here, but, honestly, we're still so blown away by Clinton Portis' performance as "Coach Janky Spanky" yesterday that we feel obliged to point out the highlights for those of you who haven't had the pleasure of watching it yet. Here's a cheat sheet. More »
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We've witnessed the newest Clinton Portis character, and we have to say, even though the costume leaves much to be desired, it might be our favorite one yet. More »
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Ever wonder what Clinton Portis might do if given $10,000 to spend in a Best Buy in the span of half an hour? Jeez, who hasn't? More »
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What kind of woman would raise a man who would wear a costume like this? What kind of woman could raise such a spawn? More »
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OK, so as we showed you yesterday, Clinton Portis brought along some pals for his press conference yesterday. The conceit was that Southeast Jerome — who had been previously considered "lost" — had died and made it to heaven with all his friends. They included: More »
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We'll get into this more tomorrow ... but if you go to Redskins.com right now, you'll see that our man Clinton Portis has, uh, brought a few friends along for his weekly psychological exploration. More »
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Just for the record, yesterday Redskins running back Clinton Portis wore a old leather football helmet, pigtails and Groucho Marx glasses. He called himself "Inspector Two Two." We have no idea what any of this means anymore. At this point, he's just cleaning out the neighbor's closet. In the final weeks, expect rabbit ears, a clown nose, maybe some of those redneck teeth you can buy at the gas station. Whatever works. More »
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Other Clinton Portis costumes have been deep, terrifying glimpses into the most cavernous regions of his soul, a tiny peek at the scary child within, peering out into the world, hoping it's not raining anymore. But this, his most recent one, however, is the most horrifying at all: A monstrous look at psychological havoc, a twisted, tangled web of neurosis and fear, spread out there for the world to understand and to witness, in all its pain and glorious anger. It's Portis' soul out there for us all to see, and we have to discuss how to handle it — whether we can handle it. More »
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Today's final athlete run-in story is right up our alley, because it's about your friend and ours ... Clinton Portis! It's from Jay in Virginia: More »
]]> http://deadspin.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=142584&view=rss&microfeed=true Clinton Portis was back yesterday with yet another fractured segment of his personality, this one somewhat sweeter than the past ones, literally even. We proudly introduce "Bro Sweets," Clinton's most recent tortured mental sliver. More »
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Ladies and gentleman, we present to you, after a one-week hiatus for Thanksgiving, Redskins running back Clinton Portis' newest creation: "Reverend Gonna Change," with those pretty crazy teeth and hair and the whole thing. On our scale, this ranks above "Dollah Bill" but behind "Dr. I-Don't-Know." You can watch the full video of Portis' press conference; we love how the DC media's keeps trying to ask serious questions of the man in the striped wig. More »
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Well, the readers have spoken, and in yet another trouncing — we never have any close polls around here, which we suppose is our fault — your favorite Clinton Portis costume is Sheriff Gonna Getcha, with 38.1 percent of the vote. (We think it's the Led Zeppelin shirt; impossible to resist it.) Second place — and our pick — was Dr. I-Don't-Know with 25.6 percent; we like the pink, we think. More »
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