Columnist Amazed College Football Players Aren't ScumbagsSean Newell9/04/13 11:54pmFiled to: rick reillymedia meltdownsnewssports412EditPromoteShare to KinjaToggle Conversation toolsGo to permalinkThat is the major takeaway from this overcooked word-soup from Rick Reilly. Sure, he bizarrely shoehorns George Zimmerman into an article about "young, urban athletes" who were neither murdered nor murderous, but the real gist of this column is that Rick Reilly is fucking shocked that those four kids didn't steal anything, or at least thinks you'll be shocked. AdvertisementReilly spins a yarn about four D-III football players from New Jersey who coincidentally walked into a convenience store on a night it had been broken into. They walked in thinking the store was open, picked out some stuff and milled around looking for someone to pay before eventually leaving money on the counter to pay for what they took. They then went to tell the neighboring store that it looked like someone was missing. That's the hook; that the four college athletes (who look like this) somehow defied the odds to not be total shitheads, to the shock and wonderment of all who observed it. Seriously, every person in this story is amazed by it.It's hard to understand why else a man (and, maybe, woman) would spend so much time to write a column in this way. It's as if he fancies himself a magician, fluttering his hands and distracting you with witty banter and then—voilà!—those "urban athletes" with "dreads and hoodies and baggy pants" actually weren't your worst fears skulking around your neighborhood. As he produces a quarter from behind your ear.