<![CDATA[Comments from Matt Sussman]]> <![CDATA[Comments from Matt Sussman]]> <![CDATA[Matt Sussman commented on Sox Fans To Rays Fans: I'll See Your Landing Strip and Raise You A Brazilian]]> Cubs fans can just grow it out and dye it green, and if anything gets stuck in it, her boyfriend can just hold his hands up in the air.

]]> <![CDATA[Matt Sussman commented on ESPN Featured Comment Of The Week]]> October 14, 2008
FROZEN BODY FOUND ON LOCAL INTERSECTION

By James O'Hara
The Globe and Mail

]]> <![CDATA[Matt Sussman commented on The Summer That Didn't Quite Last Forever]]> The Cubs not winning the World Series after 100 years is sort of how when you have to get up at 5 a.m. for a flight and you look at the clock, it's 1 a.m. and you think, "oh shit, I only have four hours left of sleep" and you get nervous and panic, you toss and turn, after a while it's 1:30 a.m. and you think "dammit, only three and a half hours of sleep left" and you can't go to sleep because you're too nervous you're going to sleep through your alarm, so you watch some Comedy Central and they show those Girls Gone Wild commercials and, to forget about your early flight, you masturbate to take the pressure off. But then you look at the clock and it's 2:30 a.m., you still can't sleep, you think about every bad decision in life you made to this point, "Oh God, why didn't I go into the family business like my dad wanted to? I've wasted my life writing sports on the Internet!" and then you don't get to sleep until 3:30 a.m., you want up at 5 a.m. in a puddle of your own tears and sperm.

The Cubs' restlessness is kind of like that, a story which happened to a dear friend of mine.

]]> <![CDATA[Matt Sussman commented on The Magic Of Prom Night, And Of Being 1-0 In The NLCS]]> NOBODY else is a little spooked that the game only lasted about 47 minutes?

]]> <![CDATA[Matt Sussman commented on Talk Hosts' 'Magic Faked AIDS' Comment Not Going Over As Well As They'd Hoped]]> Later in the broadcast Lea & Perrins won Olbermann's Worchestershire Persons In The World.

]]> <![CDATA[Matt Sussman commented on Say It Ain't So, Joe]]> Too broken up about the White Sox losing in the playoffs to campaign. Not ready to lead.

**PAID FOR BY FRIENDS OF HILLARY CLIN..UM...THE OTHER GUYS**

]]> <![CDATA[Matt Sussman commented on Two "All-Time Greats": Brett Favre And Coin Collecting]]> "Only 25,000 will ever be sold."

]]> <![CDATA[Matt Sussman commented on Two "All-Time Greats": Brett Favre And Coin Collecting]]> Odd. The Chicago Bears coin collection only has three quarters in it.

]]> <![CDATA[Matt Sussman commented on How Do You Say No Homo In French?]]> And Ann B. Davis as "The Fullback"

]]> <![CDATA[Matt Sussman commented on Kendra Wilkinson Will Skype Your Brains Out]]> "You're buffering ... buffering what? TELL ME, BABY!"

]]> <![CDATA[Matt Sussman commented on With their coach away on vacation,]]> Good for Dusty. No seriously, good for him. But how's he going to manage both the Reds and the Royals?

]]> <![CDATA[Matt Sussman commented on Goodbye, Publicly Funded Stadiums. Jamboroo, Week 6. Featuring JOOSE!]]> I.M. Pei needs to keep his vendetta against Walt Disney in check when he designs football stadiums.

]]> <![CDATA[Matt Sussman commented on I like this sign from Saturday's]]>

]]> <![CDATA[Matt Sussman commented on Tom Brady has knee surgery]]> Smart move opting out of the tempting TMZ camera implant.

]]> <![CDATA[Matt Sussman commented on Cubs pick up option on Rich]]> Why wouldn't there be a World Series in '09?

]]> <![CDATA[Matt Sussman commented on No Way McCain Loses Ohio Now]]> The Obama camp wants to remind you that Brady Quinn is a teammate of a FORMER DRUG CONVICT.

]]> <![CDATA[Matt Sussman commented on You football team is ahead]]> So they were down eight points. Big deal? That happens all the ... ohhhhh ... eightteen to six.

]]> <![CDATA[Matt Sussman commented on Carrie Milbank Lies on a Rock and Wonders What Happened to Deadspin Today]]> I know the site was down for only four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days. And the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days. And the fifth day you went on a date with Linda Cohn and that seemed just like a day, and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in DUAN, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half.

I have it written down, but I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it.

]]> <![CDATA[Matt Sussman commented on Stuart Scott is Desperate to Avoid Any Photographic Evidence of Him Chatting Up Cheerleaders]]> I know. I mean it's not like STUART SCOTT was going to MURDER AND RAPE THE CHEERLEADER!!!!

]]> <![CDATA[Matt Sussman commented on Photos of Luke Walton's Stalker are Tough to <strike>Come By</strike> Look At]]> Ha! McCain told Obama to shake his wife's hand. That's the political equivalent of reaching across the aisle and throwing a key party.

]]> <![CDATA[Matt Sussman commented on Photos of Luke Walton's Stalker are Tough to <strike>Come By</strike> Look At]]> "What don't you know?"

Great. Make the debate longer.

]]> <![CDATA[Matt Sussman commented on Photos of Luke Walton's Stalker are Tough to <strike>Come By</strike> Look At]]> How can there be a Cold War when there's GLOBAL WARMING!!!

]]> <![CDATA[Matt Sussman commented on Photos of Luke Walton's Stalker are Tough to <strike>Come By</strike> Look At]]> Senator, do you support moving troops into Kamchatka or cashing in for bonus armies?

]]> <![CDATA[Matt Sussman commented on Photos of Luke Walton's Stalker are Tough to <strike>Come By</strike> Look At]]> McCain wants a followup if Obama gets one, so he can give it to mean old Slugworth.

]]> <![CDATA[Matt Sussman commented on Photos of Luke Walton's Stalker are Tough to <strike>Come By</strike> Look At]]> Don't announce you're going to attack Pakistan. Wait until they're sound asleep. First rule of war. Duh.

]]> <![CDATA[Matt Sussman commented on Photos of Luke Walton's Stalker are Tough to <strike>Come By</strike> Look At]]> Republicans trying to win an argument about Iraq. Let's just guard LeBron one-on-one while we're at it.

]]> <![CDATA[Matt Sussman commented on Photos of Luke Walton's Stalker are Tough to <strike>Come By</strike> Look At]]> "Health care is like a CANDY BAR!"

[throws handfuls of M&Ms into audience]

]]> <![CDATA[Matt Sussman commented on Photos of Luke Walton's Stalker are Tough to <strike>Come By</strike> Look At]]> You'd think with two presidential hopefuls ignoring the red-yellow-green light system we all agreed upon, that both candidates were Asian.

]]> <![CDATA[Matt Sussman commented on Photos of Luke Walton's Stalker are Tough to <strike>Come By</strike> Look At]]> Brokaw: "I worked really hard on this format, guys! Guyyys!"

Obama: [shoves Brokaw into locker, breaking Trapper Keeper]

]]> <![CDATA[Matt Sussman commented on Photos of Luke Walton's Stalker are Tough to <strike>Come By</strike> Look At]]> A black woman under 30 named Ingrid? I owe someone a Coke.

]]> <![CDATA[Matt Sussman commented on Photos of Luke Walton's Stalker are Tough to <strike>Come By</strike> Look At]]> "I'll answer the question ... heh heh ... heh heh ... oh, you mean right now?"

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