Hey, Cristiano, how’s it going? Good? That’s good to hear. I didn’t want anything, just checking in. Saw yesterday’s game. Kind of a bummer, drawing like that against Real Betis. Yeah, they should’ve given you a penalty, I agree. While on the topic of the game though, what happened with you and Francisco Molinero? Because—and it could’ve just be the camera angle, I’m not accusing you of anything—it looked like you just up and tried to kick the guy as he was falling:

Whoa, whoa, calm down, man! I said I wasn’t accusing you of anything! Things happen on the pitch, and sometimes they look worse than they actually are. And hell, even in the worst-case scenario where you did flat out kick him, maybe it’s because he did something to you first. No one’s judging you here, I’m just concerned.



You were just having a moment, you say? I get that. The stakes were pretty high, and no one’s going to fault you for caring too much about trying to pull out a key victory to keep place in the La Liga title race. However ... well, this isn’t exactly an isolated event for you this season. Remember just a couple weeks ago in a match against Sporting Gijón, when you basically did the same thing to Nacho Cases?

And during this season’s first El Clásico, when you went upside Dani Alves’s head with your elbow?

And before that, when you sort of swung on Sevilla’s Grzegorz Krychowiak?

And before that, when you swept David Simon’s leg out from under him?

Look, you don’t need me to be your therapist, but you maybe should talk to someone about this. You seem to be taking out some underlying frustrations on the wrong people. Not to feign too much insight into your state of mind, but I could see how all the turmoil around Real Madrid this season, one that could quite likely be your last at the club, and your arguably slipping skills (I said arguably!) as you pass deeper into your 30s—I could see how all of that would weigh so heavily on mind that, when faced with an enemy trying to stop you on the pitch, your first impulse is to lash out at them in an outsized manner.



But hey man, you’re still Cristiano Ronaldo, one of the greatest players of all time, impossibly rich and famous and handsome, with at least a handful of years left at a very high level on the pitch, and an entire world available to you to do with as you please once you retire. Don’t get so bogged down in the small things that you lose sight of the bigger picture. Sure, none of this has cost you on the field in terms of red cards or suspensions, but you don’t want to be remembered as the guy who got old and just started hitting opponents because he was mad at mother nature. Work out your issues off the pitch and I bet you’d see all sorts of improvements on it. And please, stop kicking guys. Okay? Okay.



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