Look, I'm not going to tell you to go read the whole three-page article on BDSM currently featured in The New York Times Fashion & Style section, but I will tell you this: the lede contains the phrase "unmarked entrance to Paddles." I will also leave you with this paragraph:
Take Deb and Sara (formerly known as Mike), a Brooklyn couple whose first date went so well, they ended up at Home Depot ogling chains and ropes and playing in Mike's van in the parking lot. Thirteen years later, they are married, and say they explore all facets of their sexuality together, incorporating electricity, knives and other potentially risky tools in what some might refer to as "edge" play, as well as activities like ABDL (adult baby, diaper lover) that don't necessarily fit under the BDSM rubric. Deb, 55, says she and Sara, 41, are so close they've ceased using a safe word: They can sense the others' boundaries just by breath and nonverbal cues. When she plays with others, Deb, a lifelong Mets fan, uses the phrase "Yankees Rule," which she could only utter under extreme duress.
A Hush-Hush Topic No More [New York Times]