So Dwight Howard was backstage at a fight card in Houston recently and he talked boisterously, before Chandler Parsons and the world, about how he'd love to fight one day and would do it for $10 million and—and, who cares, right? It's Dwight Howard. We know he'll never fight. (Even if he did, it wouldn't be the sort of bout you'd want to see, which would involve Howard going round after punishing round with someone good enough to give him a vigorous beating but not quite good enough to finish him off.)
Still, while Howard being Howardesque is nothing on its own, it's a good pretext for pointing the uninitiated to a few terrible fights involving celebrity athletes who had absolutely no business fighting and yet inexplicably did anyway. If you've never seen it, for instance, you'll marvel at the sight of Jose Canseco fleeing in terror from a giant Korean man before helplessly turtling up as delicate blows are rained down near him:
Or at the sight of fat old Ray Mercer knocking out former heavyweight champion Tim Sylvia in nine seconds:
Or at the sight of former WWE champion Dave Batista fighting some guy who managed to lose to former WWE champion Dave Batista.
Many other famous people who really shouldn't have done so have also involved themselves in Ed Wood-type fights for our amusement. Dwight Howard, despite his cruel teasing, will never become one of them. It's a travesty.