Carolyn Moos is the former Stanford and WNBA player who dated Jason Collins for eight years, only to have him call off their engagement without explanation one month before their 2009 wedding. Back in April, after Collins told the world he was gay, Moos said she had had no idea. She's now written a piece for Cosmopolitan detailing her relationship with Collins and its aftermath, and while she says she can "empathize" with him and even "support" him, she remains "deeply hurt by him."

Advertisement

Moos, 35, says she spent four years trying to figure out what had gone wrong. She finally found out when she spoke to Collins on the phone the morning he outed himself in Sports Illustrated:

In the years that followed, I dated other men, I built up my business, I had a full life. But when it came to Jason, deep sadness and confusion remained.

The phone call this April ended the mystery. He left a message on a Sunday, saying, "I have something important to talk about—please call me back." I was working and called the next morning. He uttered an eerily familiar phrase: "You may want to sit down." Then he said, "Carolyn, I'm gay." I was stunned. I managed to say, after a silent moment and then a deep breath, "I had no idea. I'm sure a huge weight is off your shoulders." During all the years I had known him, I never would have guessed that he would come out as gay.

We talked again briefly that night. He answered a few questions, but there was much left to discuss and he said he had to go. As I tell this story, it has been several weeks since he told me his news and he has made no further time to talk, despite saying he would do so. I am sad that the media seems to be a higher priority. I hope this changes in the coming weeks, as I value open dialogue more than anything.

"He's being hailed as a pioneer," she adds, a little weirdly, "but I believe true heroism is a result of being honest with yourself and with those you love." The rest of her essay can be read here, right alongside Cosmo's "sex position of the week."