Deadspin: Fantasy Football

Chad Ochocinco Hopes You'll Be Patient If He's On Your Fantasy Football Team

Brian Hickey — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 20:30:00 EDT

After five games, New England Patriots wide receiver has caught nine passes for a total of 136 yards. Somehow, this ties into the time he lost his virginity. More »

Fantasy Sports Are Going To Take Over The World, According To Fancy Infographic

Emma Carmichael — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 10:20:00 EDT

Fantasy sports now account for "$800 million, or about 18%, of the $4.5 billion sports industry," and the "estimated 32 million of North Americans ages 12 and older" who participate are essentially subsidizing sportswriting! So, uh, please—keep doing what you're doing. [Co.Design] More »

More Overwrought Fantasy Emails: Joe's Going To Carve You Up, Drink Your Blood, Rape Your Sister, And Beat Your Mother

Dom Cosentino — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 13:50:00 EDT

As we've seen with our "Life Lessons" segment, some people take sports way too seriously. But none as serious as fantasy football players. Each week, we'll feature some of the whiniest, bitchiest, nastiest, most sociopathic emails from this group of very special people so you can point and laugh at them from the safety of your computer. If you've got some beauties from your own league, send them to tips@deadspin.com More »

Jamaal Charles Takes A Ride On The Fantasy Meat Wagon

Barry Petchesky — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 14:30:00 EDT

There's an ad on the front page of NFL.com now. It shows Jamaal Charles being carted off with a torn ACL, near tears. His health, shot. His livelihood, threatened (only about 35 percent of his contract is guaranteed money). The Chiefs' season, shot. More »

So This Is Why Black People Don't Play Fantasy Football

A.J. Daulerio — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 16:30:00 EDT

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ESPN's Fantasy Guru Thinks "Rapelisberger" Is Worth Having As Your QB

Dom Cosentino — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 12:05:13 EDT

A reader named John helpfully screen-grabbed this tweet from ESPN fantasy expert Eric Karabell, which John said had appeared on the ESPN fantasy football page for a bit last night, at least until Karabell saw fit to delete it. Granted, Karabell was just answering a question about going with Vick or Roethlisberger by re-tweeting what his reader actually wrote him, but still. More »

MMA Fighter Has A More Racist Fantasy Football Team Than You

Luke O'Brien — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 13:40:34 EDT

A small confession: I have often dreamed of creating a fantasy basketball team composed exclusively of players with the surnames Jefferson and Jackson. (The team, obviously, would be called the Jefferson-Jacksons, in reference, obviously, to the nascence of the Democratic Party.) Never have I dreamed of doing what Yves Edwards has done in assembling his fantasy football team: More »

If You Taunt Gary One More Time, He's Received Permission From His Wife To Fight You In Real Life

A.J. Daulerio — Mon, 29 Aug 2011 15:35:00 EDT

Arian Foster Can't Stand Colin Cowherd, Either

Emma Carmichael — Mon, 29 Aug 2011 13:45:00 EDT

Foster joins George C. Scott (and, well, "everybody"): "Did you want to be a critic as a child? Or did your dreams die with your humility? RT @ESPN_Colin Hey Arian Foster—-'We really do care about you as a human too. Um,now about that hammy? —signed, everybody" [@ArianFoster, @ESPN_Colin] More »

Arian Foster Really Does Not Care About Your Fantasy Team

Jack Dickey — Sun, 28 Aug 2011 14:30:00 EDT

Foster, last season's rushing champion, tweaked his left hamstring in last night's 49ers-Texans preseason game. He hurt the same hamstring earlier in camp. He appreciates your concern about his semitendinosus, unless you are concerned simply because of your fantasy team. More »

A Case Study In Why You Shouldn't Share An Email Address With Your Lovely Wife

Brian Hickey — Sat, 06 Aug 2011 19:30:00 EDT

Tipster Matthew D. recently shared details of what happened when a guy named Christian dropped out of their fantasy football league. All participants are from the PA/NJ/NY area but for Christian, who's from Seattle. "Only one of us has had the privilege of meeting him in person," Matthew pointed out. More »

Out-Of-Date Fantasy Advice From Someone Who Isn't Really Paying Attention

Barry Petchesky — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 14:00:58 EDT

If you take fantasy sports seriously, you read the experts. Disclaimer: I am not an expert, but I will write about fantasy sports anyway. And if you want to win your leagues handily, I can't think of a better advisor than someone who only stays half aware of what's actually happening in sports. So whether you're just hitting your hockey or basketball league's playoffs, or drafting for the upcoming baseball season, don't do a thing until you've consulted this handy guide. More »

Homeless Man With No Computer Wins ESPN.com Fantasy Football Grand Prize

Barry Petchesky — Thu, 20 Jan 2011 17:00:00 EST

The Massachusetts man, who had to knock on neighbors' doors at the motel he's living in to use their computers, beat out millions of other users. It all came down to Tebow. The prize? A $3500 Best Buy gift certificate. [Salem News] More »

Caroline Wozniacki Is Happy To See You

Barry Petchesky — Wed, 19 Jan 2011 09:40:00 EST

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day. More »

When Is An 80-Point Fantasy Football Lead Unsafe? When Your Opponent Has Michael Vick

A.J. Daulerio — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 18:15:00 EST

Reading other people's Fantasy Football stories are usually boring, but poor reader Scott S's running diary of his nut-punching loss thanks to last night's touchdown parade by The Best Football Player In The Universe Ever is quite enjoyable. Enjoy the misery. More »

How To Hack ESPN Fantasy Football To Get Any Player You Want (Update: Fixed)

Barry Petchesky — Thu, 23 Sep 2010 18:30:34 EDT

ESPN's is the second most popular fantasy football site, with more than 6 million users. So it's a huge problem that a gaping flaw exists, allowing you to change the rosters of any team in just minutes. Here's how to do it. More »

The 2010 Deadspin AFC Fantasy Football Preview

Drew Magary — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 10:15:15 EDT

It's fantasy draft time, which means it's time for us to sit down with Yahoo's Andy Behrens for part two of our annual fantasy preview. All killer, no filler. More »

The 2010 Deadspin NFC Fantasy Football Preview

Drew Magary — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 09:45:00 EDT

Every year, Andy Behrens of Yahoo and I preview the upcoming fantasy season by going through every team in the NFL. All killer, no filler. Listen here. Join us, won't you? More »

A Fantasy Football Screwjob We Can All Enjoy

Barry Petchesky — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 11:35:04 EDT

The heartwarming tale of a non-fan invited to a draft and given a player list from 2005. He ended up with Priest Holmes, Marvin Harrison, Torry Holt and Steve McNair. But not Brett Favre, because he was retired. [Couch Groove Football] More »

Canada Finally Figures Out How To Make Football Fun

Barry Petchesky — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 16:15:00 EDT

The CFL finally gets a fantasy league, named — wait for it — Fantas-Eh Football. Perfect for all of you who have been bemoaning the lack of a "rouge" scoring category in your own leagues. [Regina Leader-Post] More »

The Toughest Fantasy Football Defeat Of All

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 11:30:12 EST

Fidelity Investments recently fired four employees for organizing fantasy football leagues, because investment bankers have very strict rules about only gambling with other people's money. [Star-Telegram, via Yahoo; photo via] More »

Maurice Jones-Drew To Miss Fantasy Playoffs Because Of His Brilliant Play

Barry Petchesky — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 00:15:00 EST

Are you one of the 10,000 (ESPN) fantasy GMs who lost because MJD took a knee rather than score a touchdown? Well, so is he. But remember, he had 145 yards and a TD anyway, so quit bitching. [ESPN] More »

Old People Fantasy Football Is Adorable

Barry Petchesky — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 14:30:00 EST

A Massachusetts nursing home has started a fantasy football league for its residents, to give them something to do on Sundays. If their teams are anything like mine, that "something to do" is likely "wishing for death." More »

A Small Way To Liven Up Any Fantasy Draft

Barry Petchesky — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 02:15:00 EDT

You might've missed this fantasy football draft over the weekend, and it's your loss. Like many, it took place in a hotel room. But unlike most, it featured those two magic little words: midget strippers. More »

Does Fantasy Football Insurance Signal The End Of Days?

Dashiell Bennett — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 18:45:14 EDT

Fantasy sports have crept their way into every aspect of our sporting lives, but we have finally crossed the line from mania into madness. When you can buy injury insurance for your fantasy football players, we're through the looking glass. More »

Your Fully Engorged NFC Fantasy Football Preview

Drew Magary — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 11:00:57 EDT

This week's Deadcast guest is Andy Behrens from Yahoo's Roto Arcade. (Listen here, iTunes here.) And once again, we go all killer, no filler. More »

Think Fantasy Football Can't Be Corrupt? Your Move, America's Mayors

Barry Petchesky — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 17:00:00 EDT

Are bragging rights in your fantasy football league a big deal? Try Yahoo's Mayoral Face-Off, in which 12 mayors from around the country finally decide once and for all, which is America's greatest city: Sacramento or Buffalo! More »

Your Supremely Violent AFC Fantasy Football Preview

Drew Magary — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 10:00:24 EDT

This week's fucking Deadcast guest is fucking Andy Behrens from fucking Yahoo! (Listen here, iTunes here.) FUCKTASTIC! Together we have produced, by far, the most useful fucking Deadcast to date. More »

Fantasy Football: The Musical Needs Your Help

A.J. Daulerio — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 11:30:50 EDT

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Although this story does not contain tiny Mexican wrestlers nor furries, it's still undeniably batshit. A NYC theater group is in search of stage actors to portray Bill Simmons, Matthew Berry, and J-Bug for an upcoming fantasy football musical. Kapow! More »

Yeah, You Hate To See That Happen

A.J. Daulerio — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 18:15:34 EST

Everybody hates to hear other people's fantasy football stories, but for those of us who play it, the one discovered by Peter Schrager over Esquire.com is pretty hilarious in its over-reportedness. More »

A Message To Heat Vision Jesus

Drew Magary — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 14:20:04 EST

Drew's Jamboroo runs every Thursday afternoon. Buy his book here. Email Drew here. Read him at KSK here. More »

We Knew This Might Happen When Tom Brady Went Out For The Season

Rick Chandler — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 17:45:00 EDT

Don't tell Mr. Iracane I said this, but there are times when someone is interested in your fantasy team. Case in point: This somewhat hilarious case from Florida, where murder nearly resulted from a spat over a handful of fantasy football points. "Only one point for a 50-yard field goal? I cut you!" Out of habit, Ed Hochuli has issued apology emails to both parties. More »

Stephen A. Smith Thinks Your Fantasy Football League Could Use A Little Color

A.J. Daulerio — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 10:00:43 EDT

ESPN's resident wayward loudmouth Stephen A. Smith hunt-and-pecked his way through another magazine column this week, and took on fantasy football and its overwhelming whiteness. Miraculously, SAS does manage to dig up an MIT sociological study (actually it's a Fantasy Sports Trade Association's "study") which found that 93% of all fantasy sports participants are, in fact, white. This is not surprising to SAS, who wasted no time insinuating his marginalizing viewpoint with his usual graceful prose: More »

FEEL THE EXCITEMENT! The Balls Deep 2008 Fantasy Football Preview!

Drew Magary — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 14:20:30 EDT

Drew Magary's Balls Deep column runs every Thursday afternoon. Drew's new book, "Men With Balls," featuring 100% new material, is available for pre-order here. You can email Drew here. Read him during the week at KSK. If there is one saving grace about August, which is a fucking hot waste of a month, it is that August is the month in which we begin to prepare for the delight that is fall. We buy school supplies. We leaf through fall TV and movie previews (Pacino! DeNiro! Together! Three decades too late!). We buy fall clothing. I know I love heading out to Old Navy, picking out two new shirts, getting excited about wearing them, and then growing sick to death of them within a week. More »

The Fantasy Impact Of Steven Jackson's Cleansed Colon

A.J. Daulerio — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 17:00:18 EDT

During yesterday's story about Rams running back Steven Jackson and his messy colon cleanse, I questioned the potential fantasy football impact such a procedure would have on the top five running back. Thankfully, some of the wise men from Yahoo!'s Fantasy Football think tank decided it was worthy of a discussion. Please enjoy this "exclusive analysis" from Brad Evans, Andy Behrens, and Brandon Funston. More »

A Quick Thought On Fantasy Football (Take 2)

deadspin.com — Sat, 08 Sep 2007 16:09:59 EDT

I am in four fantasy leagues this year. Last year I was in eight. I'm also the proud owner of two keeper leagues, in both of which I am commissioner. When someone asked me why I would willingly serve as such a glutton for punishment, I replied simply, "I would rather be the guy in charge." More »

A Quick Thought On Fantasy Football

deadspin.com — Sat, 08 Sep 2007 16:09:41 EDT

Dancing With The Fantasy Football Stars

Leitch — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 10:00:35 EDT

The Internet, we must confess, has mostly ruined the time-tested ritual of in-person fantasy football drafts. The Cheeto-stained cheat sheets, the endless (and mostly lame) trash-talking and the guy wearing the Jake Plummer jersey (ahem) ... all that's pretty much behind us. We have friends from all over the country, and it's too much effort to get everyone together when Yahoo's live draft is easy, efficient and timed. But there are those still hanging on, and even learning to provide their own special entertainment. More »

Best.Draft.Ever.

Unsilent Majority — Sat, 04 Aug 2007 16:01:24 EDT

I know that nobody likes hearing about other people's fantasy football lives— but this could be an exception. The intrepid Andy Behrens of Yahoo! Fantasy! gathered up a group of 12 sports bloggers to form the Tank Johnson Desert Classic. The league is a highly volatile experiment that Behrens will chronicle throughout the season in lieu of some pussy "expert" league with their "knowledgeable" and "experienced" fantasy scribes (or some D-list celeb league). The draft was held back on Thursday (pre-season ACL tears are part of the fun) and today the public gets their first look at what will go down as the greatest fantasy draft ever held in the blogosphere. More »

Fortunately, It's A Slow Time Of The Year For Fantasy Football

Leitch — Thu, 17 Aug 2006 12:45:14 EDT

For the second consecutive year, ESPN is having serious problems with its fantasy games. The above message, which anyone who tries to get in the fantasy game gets right now, has, obviously, perfect timing: If there's one time of the year when people aren't thinking about fantasy football, it's totally right now. More »