Image via Getty

Noted Golden State Warriors stan and fanboy blogger Kevin Draper was too busy getting drunk tonight, so we’re the ones helping you cope with the game you watched. It was neither a memorable nor horrible game, but even the NBA gets a case of the Mondays. Here are some thoughts ...

Advertisement

How stupid is Draymond Green? A dick-puncher he may be, but tonight’s game felt different without Green on the court. Once Andrew Bogut got pulled out of the game for an injury during the third quarter—for what appears to be a sprained left knee—the Warriors defense was shot, and the Cavaliers offense just flat-out worked.

Damn Kyrie! According to others at this site, Kyrie hasn’t been performing all that well during these finals ... sure, whatever. During tonight’s game, however, he and LeBron became the first teammates in the history of the NBA to score 40-plus points during the finals. Do not underestimate the man under pressure!

Advertisement

Just look at him go:

We mean, c’mon:

Good job, young ’un.

Advertisement

Sponsored

But this is still LeBron & Co., after all, because the Cavs go as LeBron goes. LeBron could be on the court with the rest of the Deadspin writers and he’d still come really close to winning, because all you have to do is figure out, Hey, I should pass it to LeBron. He makes driving to the basket at will look easy, at times attacking with a grace that belies so much of the muscle and skill that makes it possible. Tonight, with his jumper and three-point shot working, it felt like a reminder of the not-so-long ago era known as Before Steph—when King James ruled.

But this whole thing is rigged, anyway. Don’t believe us? Do a search for “rigged” and “NBA” on Twitter. What if the nut shot was all a part of Big Basketball’s conspiracy to get more gate money and keep us watching because, even here at Deadspin, predictions were on for a pretty lame NBA Finals??? We have no proof it’s rigged. Do you have proof it isn’t?

Advertisement

To test this theory, we reached out to an Honest Man and true Cavs fan to temper our blog’s Warriors bias, and comment on tonight’s game. Here are our unedited questions, and the Honest Man’s answers:

  • Do you think this is rigged? It’s rigged to make Cleveland fans think they have a chance as yet another hilarious cosmic joke.
  • Have you heard of “Fuck Steph Curry”? No, but I am writing a sonnet called “fuck Kevin Love” right now, and have a “unrequited love > Kevin Love” tweet dialed up for the next time he screws up.
  • Will the Cavs win Game 6? Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
  • Do you have a comment on LeBron’s hair tonight? I’ve never had much of an opinion on LeBron’s hair, but LeBron should be allowed to just take Iman Shumpert’s hair and then push Iman Shumpert off a cliff, which will not kill him, because at this point Iman Shumpert couldn’t even hit the ground.
  • Is this rigged? Rigged for the benefit of whom?
  • Does Varejao have better or worse hair than LeBron? I’m hoping Varejao flops so hard that he pancakes a venture capitalist sitting courtside.
  • Is this rigged? Probably.

There we have it. A few more thoughts:

How sad is this video of Warriors fans chanting “MVP” at Draymond Green at the Oakland A’s game? You can chant all you want, buds, but you still lost tonight’s game.

Nobody could replace Steph for long enough. At one point, Shaun Livington laid down this dunk.

During another play, Klay Thompson hit a three-point shot from so far out it really felt like this was the moment the game was going to end.

Nope. Steph had a horrible night, and he’s had those before, but that was okay because part of the magic of the Warriors has been how many great players they have. In that sense, they were the anti-LeBron & Co, an intertwining series of parts that could each carry the load when needed. Not tonight.

Advertisement

Advertisement

This might go to Game 7 after all. Remember how Bogut sprained his knee when he and J.R. Smith were both going after a rebound? He hasn’t been ruled out, but that’s still not news Warriors fans want to hear. Now the expected champs might have to go on the road possibly without their center. Is this all leading up to another new saddest night in Cleveland history? A thrilling winner-take-all Game 7? That’s getting ahead of ourselves. On to Game 6! Maybe it won’t suck.