Illustration by Sam Woolley

Dogs don’t really understand the concept of time, holidays, or seasonal gift giving, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make sure to let them know that they are very, very good pups.

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I’m not sure what dogs call their various holidays, but I assume that like us, even the most distinct of their religious divisions come down to little more than different interpretations solidified through generations of cultural and social sifting.

You and your dog might share different ideologies, so it’s best to keep the gift wrap non-denominational, but as a society of dog and humans, it’s our differences that make us great.

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Let your furry friend celebrate her or his holiday of choice, and let us help:

ADIDOG

For the dog who can’t possibly be seen in last year’s threads. If you have a few different sized dogs or have a lot of friends with dogs you could get a whole dog squad in different colors of this possibly copyright-violating dog tracksuit. The listing warns you to measure your dog before you buy, though:

TIPS:Your baby usually wears size S doesn’t mean all size S will fit him/her!!!So please measure your dog and have a reference before your purchase according to the size map below Product Description(PS:According to our customers reviews,you can order the larger size)

Don’t let your dog be one of those types who believes that Oh, I’m sure I’ll fit into the size M dog tracksuit just as soon as these gluttonous holidays are over.

Dog shoes

These are actually pretty practical for your dog. Dogs don’t like having cold paws, and they especially don’t like having cold paws and stepping on sidewalk salt. Plus, just look at this very good buddy:

You want your dog to look like that dog, right? Note: Dogs who live in Los Angeles and various other places where warm weather is year-round probably don’t need to wear shoes.

Deer antler stick

One of the greatest things about dogs is that you can give them pretty much anything and tell them in an emphatic voice to go get it. For that reason, dogs love sticks. Dogs also love to chew on literally anything, so a deer antler stick that they can go to town on for a week is really the best of both worlds here.

KONG tennis ball squeaky toys

I imagine that when a dog sees a tennis ball, Louis Armstrong starts playing in their head as everything around the ball goes to a soft blur.

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But tennis balls were designed for people to play a game for children, not for doggos. Not even Air Bud (RIP) tried to play tennis.

Dogs are already pretty brand-loyal to KONG because that’s where the peanut butter lives. Plus, these balls squeak.

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Amazon reviewers say these tennis balls are best for small doggies with small mouths, and one review notes that they even work with possibly the most extravagant doggy gift of all: the iFetch.

I admit that my first thought when I saw the iFetch was that it would be a great buy for dog parents who have intense seasonal depression—the dog can just play with itself while you struggle to find motivation to get out of bed.

But check it out:

Dog house with stairs 

If you want your doggo to really give the middle paw to that dumbass Snoopy, buy them this two-story dog house for the backyard. Not to get all HGTV on this, but this house can be custom decorated for your pup, or has enough rustic charm on its own.

A small piece of ham

If only we could all be bought off as easily as doggies.