Black Monday is off to a roaring start this year. We're here for blood, and there's plenty of it. Here's your running tally of all the coaches who have been axed today.
Mike Shanahan: This is the one everyone saw coming. Shanahan was let go after spending the last two weeks of the season walking around with a "Fire me!" sign draped around his neck. This is the firing that also provided the day's best bit of theater, as the Skins decided to go into full lockdown mode during Shanny's press conference, which served no purpose other than getting the departed coach stuck in traffic.
Rob Chudzinski: Be honest, before today you either had no idea who Rob Chudzinski is or you thought "Chudzinski" was just his funny nickname. So you're not allowed to feel too bad for the guy, despite the fact that he was fired after just one season as the Browns' head coach. Here's another reason you shouldn't feel too bad for him:
The payoff on Rob Chudzinski's contract is $10.5 million, per league source
— Chris Mortensen (@mortreport) December 30, 2013
Greg Schiano: This is truly a bittersweet moment. I mean, Schiano is a walking anal wart who definitely deserved to be fired, but he provided us with so much to laugh at this season. Look at how many stories are under our Buccaneers tag! And now we have to pack all of our Schiano Men jokes away, possibly forever. We needed more time!
Emergency Uplifting Rex Ryan GIF:
Jim Schwartz: Here we lose one of the sneakiest terrible coaches in the league. If this season hadn't been gripped by so many shitshows in the big NFL markets, we probably would have spent a lot more time talking about Schwartz's utterly disappointing season in Detroit. The Lions were stacked with talent this year, and had the division title in their hands after starting the season 6-3. A second-half collapse put them at 7-9, and brought Schwartz's record as the head coach to 29-51. That's terrible! It's also worth remembering that before Schiano came along, Schwartz was neck-and-neck with Jim Harbaugh for the title of Biggest Asshole.
Leslie Frazier: Does anyone really give a shit?
We'll update as more firings roll in.