So it's Memorial Day, a day designated by the federal government for inching glacially northward on I-95 with ten trillion other weekend beachgoers, cursing the day this humid blue turd congealed out of space-garbage in the orbit of a giant ignited fart, secretly desperate to return to the climate-controlled privacy of your dire gray cubicle where you may resume browsing the internet only minimally interrupted by the requirements of "work."
That's what it is for the suckers, anyway, them and their seeing-the-world and living-for-today and other such nonsense. Tandem bicycles and walking hand-in-hand up the shoreline and eventual memories of a life well and fully lived. Bah. Not you, buddy. You spent the long weekend picking lint out of your bellybutton at home, and your reward is a Monday of glorious hedonistic gluttony. Fire up the Weber, you great visionary puddle! There's entire cubic centimeters of your heart that you haven't stuffed with cholesterol yet!
What To Cook On The Grill
Grilled chicken breasts. Cook those first, while the fire is still nuclear-hot, and to distract your health-evangelist guests from what comes after.