The single best story of the day comes from a tiny local paper in Surrey, England, and it's aboutthe most boring non-event ever.
Allow me to blockquote liberally.
The pages of the Dorking and Leatherhead Advertiser are often littered with stirring tales of heroism and human endurance.
Thousand-mile bike rides; footsore treks along mighty mountain ranges; back-breaking transatlantic rows – always in the name of a good cause.
But not this week.
This week, a group of seven unremarkable, middle-aged men walked a long way for no reason. None whatsoever.
Bearing such solid British names as Chris, Ian and Simon, the "50-ish" Dorking residents picked a random Saturday and a meaningless route and walked 40 miles just because they could.
Ian said: "Simon came up with the idea of calling it 'Beach to Bench 2013', so we found a random bench on The Nower which was not special in any shape or form.
"It was falling apart a bit and half buried in a hedge. If it had had some redeeming feature I think we would have shied away, but because a few slats were missing we thought, 'This is perfect'."
Starting beside a groyne on Shoreham beach at 6am, the group slogged their way along the Downs Link path via Cranleigh and Holmbury Hill, averting their eyes from interesting sights as they went.
Some 16 hours later, they reached the lowly bench, to the acclaim of no-one.
The bench is pictured above.
Go read the whole story. Then have some saltines and a glass of lukewarm tap water, maybe take a short nap before watching a multi-camera sitcom.
Unremarkable men walk 40 miles for no particular reason [Dorking and Leatherhead Advertiser]