Photo via AP

The 2016 NBA Draft proceeded in a calm, orderly fashion for most of the evening, with only one big trade coming down the pipeline, and the chaos that was promised this year (like the chaos that gets promised every year) mostly amounted to teams staring each other down then doing nothing (as they do every year). The draft was a very international affair, as 14 of the 30 first rounders were born outside the United States, and a record-tying eight players had never played for U.S. teams.

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As expected, the Lakers took Brandon Ingram with the second pick, but then Boston and Phoenix went off script by selecting Jaylen Brown and Dragan Bender with the third and fourth picks, respectively. The Timberwolves and Bulls then glowered at each other for a while about a possible Kris Dunn for Jimmy Butler swap, but nothing happened. Philly tried to do some trades, but they got nothing. The Kings and Suns swapped picks and each picked flawed big guys, which this draft was just goddamn silly with. Also, the Nuggets and Celtics somehow managed to pick 22 players each. Amazing

Here are all the picks (or the teams they were traded to), only one of which made Demarcus Cousins mad:

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  1. Philadelphia 76ers - Ben Simmons
  2. Los Angeles Lakers - Brandon Ingram
  3. Boston Celtics - Jaylen Brown
  4. Phoenix Suns - Dragan Bender
  5. Minnesota Timberwolves - Kris Dunn
  6. New Orleans Pelicans - Buddy Hield
  7. Denver Nuggets - Jamal Murray
  8. Phoenix Suns - Marquese Chriss
  9. Toronto Raptors - Jakob Poeltl
  10. Milwaukee Bucks - Thon Maker
  11. Oklahoma City Thunder - Domantas Sabonis
  12. Atlanta Hawks - Taurean Prince
  13. Sacramento Kings - Georgios Papagiannis
  14. Chicago Bulls - Denzel Valentine
  15. Denver Nuggets - Juan Hernangomez
  16. Boston Celtics - Guerschon Yabusele
  17. Memphis Grizzlies - Wade Baldwin
  18. Detroit Pistons - Henry Ellenson
  19. Denver Nuggets - Malik Beasley
  20. Brooklyn Nets - Caris LeVert
  21. Atlanta Hawks - DeAndre Bembry
  22. Sacramento Kings - Malachi Richardson
  23. Boston Celtics - Ante Zizic
  24. Philadelphia 76ers - Timothe Luwawu
  25. Los Angeles Clippers - Brice Johnson
  26. Philadelphia 76ers - Furkan Korkmaz
  27. Toronto Raptors - Pascal Siakam
  28. Sacramento Kings - Skal Labissiere
  29. San Antonio Spurs - Dejounte Murray
  30. Golden State Warriors - Damian Jones