Hello, fellow millennial baseball fans, I have come to make you sad.

Advertisement

Felix Hernandez. He’s great, right? You’ve been watching him strike fuckers out and be one of the most dominant pitchers in the game for years now. Yeah, he’s scuffled in a few starts this season, but he’s still got a 2.27 ERA and just won his 146th career game, the most of any Mariners pitcher in history. But also, look out:

Keep your head down:

Let’s talk about something else.

Advertisement

You like Troy Tulowitzki, right? You’ve been watching him sock big-ass homers and make sparkling defensive plays for years now. Okay, so he’s only hitting .165 right now, but he has mashed five taters, and he’ll rebound at some point, right? Well, hit the deck, buddies:

Troy Tulowitzki is swinging straight through almost 25 percent of all the fastballs he takes a hack at. Okay, now try to think of the weakest-ass starting shortstop in baseball. Erick Aybar? Sure, he’ll work. My man Erick is slashing .187/.221/.215 this season, and yet he’s only whiffing on 14 percent of the fastballs he swings at.

Advertisement

Sponsored

Felix Hernandez is 30, Troy Tulowitzki is 31, and their best days may very well be behind them. How about yours?

Photo via AP