For someone who has spent such a large portion of his life drinking and vomiting, I have a shocking deficit of embarrassing holiday party stories. That's where you come in.

We need some good holiday party FAIL here. Did you fuck your boss under the buffet table? Did you piss in the egg nog? Did you poop in your Santa outfit? I MUST KNOW. We're talking any kind of Christmas party: friends, family work, whatever. Send that shit in and I'll run the best of them next week. Just email me here. And don't be the idiot who puts your entire submission in the comments section. That's a paddlin'. Email it. Let's all join in the spirit of giving drunken handjobs.