If you're still irrationally hoping, praying that one or two of those impossibly tantalizing rumors—David Luiz to Barça? Cavani to Chelsea?—comes true to legitimize the hours you spent throughout the month mashing the refresh button on The Daily Mail's transfer gossip page just as soon as you had fully comprehended the pros, cons, tactical implications, and general value received for the supposedly imminent switch, I have some bad news for you: it's not going to happen. The window has officially closed. Thankfully.
All we really have to show for the monthlong spectacle of baseless speculation is Juan Mata to Manchester United and Nemanja Matić to Chelsea, plus a few squad players here and there that are interesting only if you've managed to avoid the more fantastic rumors that got so many fans frothy with anticipation. Lots of pomp, very little circumstance. But lest you sink into too deep a funk, realizing that everything you know and care about has been a lie, I can offer you a permanent fix for the transfer season blueballs. It may seem difficult at first, but you'll soon realize that it is easier than the alternative. Simply unplug.