MLB has suspended Baltimore's Manny Machado five games for throwing his bat during Sunday's game against Oakland. After two straight brushback pitches from Fernando Abad, Machado flung his bat in the general vicinity of third base—"accidentally," he said, but nah.

Machado was also fined an undisclosed amount, as was Abad.

Baseball writers were quick to be dumb upon the news of the suspension.

"Forfeit your collectively bargained right, tens of thousands of dollars, and a few starts for a playoff-contending team. Then grow up."

Olney is hearkening back to Red Sox pitcher Brandon Workman's six-game suspension for throwing at Evan Longoria. And somehow not grasping that a six-game suspension for a starter only means his next scheduled start is just pushed back a couple of days, making Workman's punishment a hell of a lot lighter than Machado's.

Baseball's so weird. You can throw this hard dangerous object at an opponent, but only if you haven't specifically been warned about it. And don't dare think about throwing that other hard object—that's beyond the pale.