No way, man. Tell me this isn’t real. Here’s all we know, taken from Mario Balotelli’s Instagram:

The big Balotelli fan’s Instagram page is private, but it does have “Balo 45" in the profile description and is, sadly, probably too wacky of an idea not to be true. If the shoe-peeing, teammate-fighting, coach-fighting, strange tattoo-rocking, indoors fireworks-setting, strip club-loving, teen DM-sliding, racist meme-posting, pet pig-owning, self statue-owning Balo calls your behavior crazy, you may want to reconsider your life’s trajectory.