What to watch while wishing you had Dumbo's mom...

• In Progress: Lakers at Jazz, Game 4. Ronny Turiaf just hit me. [ABC]
  
• NHL Eastern Conference Finals: Philadelphia Flyers vs. Pittsburgh Penguins, Game 2. It's Iron City vs. Yuengling, Pierogis vs. Scrapple, Pennsyl vs. tucky. 7:30 p.m. [Versus]
  
• MLB: Boston Red Sox at Minnesota Twins. Red Sox? In primetime? Zuuuuhhhh? 8 p.m. [ESPN]
  
• NBA: New Orleans Hornets at San Antonio Spurs, Game 4. Can you not love Chris Paul? You can't. [TNT]
  
• TV: The Simpsons. 8 p.m. Eh, it's new. [FOX]
  
• TV: Two-hour The Office marathon. 8 p.m. Watch it. Watch it now. 3,2,1. Do it. 5,4,3,2. Nownownow! [NBC]