Deadspin: Nba Closer

Nine-Fingered Kobe Enough To Stop LeBron James

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 10:15:44 EST

How confident is Kobe Bryant that he deserves the MVP Award? He intentionally dislocated his right ring finger before their game last night and still dispatched the Cavaliers with relative ease. More »

LeBron Plays The 5-Spot

Josh Zerkle — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 14:35:24 EST

The Cleveland Cavaliers have played 20 games at home this season; they've won them all. Lebron James headed a makeshift lineup — one that saw him playing 12 minutes at center. James finished the game with 29 points in 43 minutes as the Cavs beat the New Orleans Hornets, 92-78. More »

You Get Your Money for Nothing and Extra Yao for Free

Tuffy — Sun, 28 Dec 2008 10:45:26 EST

Two double-overtime games, one overtime game, and one game apiece where either offense or defense was played in the L last night. More »

Also a Huge Upset This Season: "The Mentalist" Not About Marbury

Tuffy — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 10:30:20 EST

Can the Celtics' loss to the Warriors really be called "one of the season's biggest upsets" on a night when the Bobcats, Timberwolves, and Grizzlies won? More »

Lebron Gets His Back Scratched, And So Do We

Josh Zerkle — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 10:00:00 EST

Lebron James said the only thing he wanted for Christmas was a back scratcher. "I wanted a back scratcher bad as hell. My girlfriend got me pajamas and a back scratcher." More »

Kobe's Heroics Not Enough, Again

Marcel Mutoni — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 10:45:00 EST

The Lakers' first losing streak, and Denver begins losing some of its shine. More »

So, About That Devin Harris/Jason Kidd Trade ...

Marcel Mutoni — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 10:25:32 EST

Mark Cuban's nightmare continues, the Celtics look unstoppable, and Kobe fails in the clutch. More »

The Hawks Do Everyone a Favor, Derail King James

KOGOD — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 11:30:00 EST

Atlanta snaps Cleveland's winning streak, a rare Jerome James sighting, and a debut win for Philly's interim coach. More »

T-Mac Is Back, and Nobody Can Beat the Celtics Or Cavs

KOGOD — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 10:45:00 EST

Tracy McGrady nearly put up a triple double in his return from injury while Boston and Cleveland were both victorious. Again. More »

The Thunder Lose To The Hornets, Take Two

Sarah Schorno — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 10:30:00 EST

Chris Paul had a triple double in the Hornets 109-97 win over the Thunder. With 29 points, 16 assists and 10 rebounds, Paul had help from David West who scored a season-high 33 points. Oklahoma City, who fired their coach P.J. Carlesimo Saturday was playing under the guidance of interim coach Scott Brooks. Clearly the change wasn't enough, as the Thunder dropped two games to the Hornets in as many days. More »

Vince Carter's Your Daddy

Sarah Schorno — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 10:30:00 EST

Vince Carter bitch slapped his former team, scoring 39 points, hitting a game-tying three at the buzzer, and reverse dunking in the Nets 129-127 OT win over Toronto. The loss was bittersweet for the Raptors' Chris Bosh who finished the game with 42 points. New Jersey's Devon Harris contributed his own 30 points to the win before calling Carter's performance "incredible". More »

Anthony Morrow Needs His Minutes

Josh Zerkle — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 10:30:35 EST

Golden State 121, LA Clippers 103. Get ready to hear the name Anthony Morrow a lot this winter. The undrafted rookie out of Georgia Tech scored 37 points in his first career start. Typically playing as a reserve this season, Morrow shot 15-of-20 in his 42 minutes on the floor last night. "Sometimes I don't shoot 15-of-20 in drills," Morrow said. More »

Where Brotherly Love Happens

Enrico Campitelli Jr. — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 10:30:00 EST

Philadelphia 94, Indiana 92 - Sixers guard Kareem Rush briefly matched up with his younger brother Brandon Rush last night (pictured) in Indiana. It was the first time two brothers played each other in an NBA game since the infamous 1965 game in which Wilt Chamberlain played his younger brother, Archibald Chamberlain. That day is infamous not because Wilt scored 89 points but more due to the child Wilt fathered with Archibald's wife immediately following the game.* More »

NBA Closer: James Posey Puts the Clamps on LeBron

Marcel Mutoni — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 10:30:00 EST

• Good thing Boston didn't keep that Posey guy; he's useless: The Hornets' big free-agent acquisition from this past summer shut down LeBron James at crunch time, and hit an enormous three to seal the victory for New Orleans. Posey's teammate, Chris Paul, had a typically brilliant game - 24 points, 15 assists - to help the Hornets maintain an unblemished record. More »

There's No Stopping The Green Monster

Basketbawful — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 09:15:54 EDT

The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who plans to spend the day celebrating the Boston's long-awaited 17th title. This almost makes up for Larry Bird transforming into a fat gremlin. When he's not doing green and white shots, he can be found trying not to toss his cookies at Basketbawful. Enjoy! More »

The Finals Are Goin' Back To Beantown

Basketbawful — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 09:15:26 EDT

The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who can't decide whether he likes the fact that ginormous leads are not safe when these teams play. When he's not silently wondering what's going to happen in Game 6, he can be found staring into space with a contemplative look at Basketbawful. Enjoy! More »

Truly Epical Failurosity

Basketbawful — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 09:15:51 EDT

The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who almost feels sorry for the Lakers after last night's debacle. Okay, not really. When he's not dancing his little victory jig, he can be found thanking Sturla for the graphic at Basketbawful. Enjoy! More »

The Mamba And The Machine

Basketbawful — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 09:15:15 EDT

The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who kind of thinks that Sasha Vujacic looks like Steve Nash's evil, retarded clone. When he's not wondering whether scientists should do a DNA check on those guys, he can be found building the world's largest ball of belly button lint at Basketbawful. Enjoy! More »

Lakers Get Bleeps In Gear, Almost Steal Game 2

Basketbawful — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 09:15:37 EDT

The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who would like to know where the bleep Boston's killer instinct is. When he's not freaking the bleep out over the Celtics playing stall ball, he can be found venting his bleeping angst over it at bleeping Basketbawful. Enjoy! More »

An Inconvenient Truth ... For The Lakers

Basketbawful — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 09:15:56 EDT

My name is Matt McHale and Paul Pierce is the motherf—-ing truth. Quote me on that and don't take nothing out. Oh, and please visit Basketbawful. Enjoy! More »

Beat L.A.! Beat L.A.! Beat L.A.! (Yes. Boston Is Going To The NBA Finals.)

Basketbawful — Sat, 31 May 2008 10:30:01 EDT

The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who has a funny feeling the Spurs aren't going to repeat this year. When he's not stating the glaringly obvious, he can be found mocking someone or something at Basketbawful. Enjoy! More »

Lakers Worship Shiny Ball, Advance To Finals

Basketbawful — Fri, 30 May 2008 09:15:06 EDT

Ray Allen Reunites With Jump Shot, Celtics Win

Basketbawful — Thu, 29 May 2008 09:15:27 EDT

The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who says you should never let friends drink and drive. Or go home with an ugly chick. Unless he has a really great personality. When he's not giving bad advice, he can be found doing the thing at Basketbawful. Enjoy! More »

The Foul That Wasn't (But It Really Was)

Basketbawful — Wed, 28 May 2008 09:10:58 EDT

The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who can't wait to see how David Stern fixes tonight's Pistons-Celtics game in favor of Boston. When he's not coming up with new NBA Finals conspiracy theories, he can be found humming a jaunty tune at Basketbawful. Enjoy! More »

McDyess Listens To Voices In Head, Kills Celtics

Basketbawful — Tue, 27 May 2008 09:15:34 EDT

The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who was in no way, shape or form ready for a playoff explosion from McDyess. But hey, nobody expects a Spanish Inquisition, right? When he's not puzzling until his puzzler is sore, he can be found eating a burrito as big as his head at Basketbawful. Enjoy! More »

Pistons Lose Despite Home Court, Insane Fans

sussman — Sun, 25 May 2008 11:30:00 EDT

The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who's hoping that Spring will eventually come to Chicago. Not that 40-degree weather isn't fun...in, like, December. When he's not hating the hell out of the Midwestern weather, he can be found doing a sunshine dance at Basketbawful. Enjoy! More »

Spurs-Lakers: First Blood, Part II

Basketbawful — Sat, 24 May 2008 12:30:00 EDT

The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who's starting to get a very bad feeling about these playoffs. A very bad feeling. When he's having nightmares about another Lakers championship, he can be found crafting Kobe Bryant voodoo dolls at Basketbawful. Enjoy! More »

Home Is Where The Heartache Is

Basketbawful — Fri, 23 May 2008 09:05:24 EDT

The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who very highly suggests seeing the new Indiana Jones movie. When he's not laughing at how Gregg Popovich has Tim Duncan by the balls, he can be found marvelling at the crotch-grabbing antics of the Spurs-Lakers series at Basketbawful. Enjoy! More »

San Antonio Duncan And The Fourth Quarter Of Doom

Basketbawful — Thu, 22 May 2008 09:05:22 EDT

The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who was very moved by Ray Allen's love letter to his missing jump shot. Let's hope those two crazy kids can make it work. When he's not making Fruity Pebbles a part of his well-balanced and nutritious breakfast, he can be found tormenting the Trix rabbit at Basketbawful. Enjoy! More »

Celtics Use Rhythm Method, Belichick Craftiness To Beat Pistons

Basketbawful — Wed, 21 May 2008 09:15:07 EDT

The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who's still wondering why the Celtics were all up in LeBron's junk last series. When he's not focusing on the sordid past, he can be found mocking the laughable present at Basketbawful. Enjoy! More »

Back To The Future! (For The Spurs)

Basketbawful — Tue, 20 May 2008 09:15:59 EDT

The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who feels like he's watched Spurs-Lakers in the playoffs about a jillion times over the years. Or maybe it's just been Spurs-Whoever. When he's not misremembering his playoff history, he can be found mourning the death of the New Orleans dream at Basketbawful. Enjoy! More »

The Truth Really Does Hurt. Just Ask LeBron and The Cavaliers

Basketbawful — Mon, 19 May 2008 09:15:04 EDT

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The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who watched some legendary basketball yesterday. When he's not being really freaking impressed by Paul Pierce and LeBron James, he can be found being...really freaking impressed by Paul Pierce and Lebron James at Basketbawful. Enjoy! More »

Cavs Win, Fans Of Basketball Lose

Basketbawful — Sat, 17 May 2008 11:30:23 EDT

The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who felt like he got punched in the nuts twice last night. When he's not sort of hating himself for loving the wrong teams, he can be found weeping softly at Basketbawful. Enjoy! More »

Cheap Shot Rob Strikes. Again.

Basketbawful — Fri, 16 May 2008 09:15:48 EDT

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The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who's going to just start flopping, hacking and thugging people from behind in his pickup league. If anybody says anything, he can just tell them that he's playing "championship basketball." When he's not figuring out new ways to sweep the leg, he can be found working on his shiv at Basketbawful. Enjoy! More »

All Together: There Really IS No Place Like Home

Basketbawful — Thu, 15 May 2008 09:15:08 EDT

The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who's starting to think HE could beat one of these squads on his homecourt. That's how impossible it is for NBA teams to win on the road right now. When he's not having delusions of grandeur here, he can be found having delusion of grandeur at Basketbawful. Enjoy! More »

Pistons Use Avada Kedavra Curse, Eliminate Magic From Playoffs

Basketbawful — Wed, 14 May 2008 09:15:23 EDT

The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who's really starting to hate Gregg Popovich. When he's not nodding off due to Pop's slow-it-the-hell-down style of coaching, he can be found making raspberries at Basketbawful. Enjoy! More »

Celtics Shown Up By LeBron, Punked By LeBron's Mom

Basketbawful — Tue, 13 May 2008 09:15:00 EDT

The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who's starting to think Tuesday is the new Monday. When he's not wishing he was still chillin' in bed, he can be found rubbing his chin in a thoughtful way at Basketbawful. Enjoy! More »

The Spurs Are Still Hanging Around

DAULERIO — Mon, 12 May 2008 10:40:00 EDT

Show me your Jazz hands. Chris Paul is clearly screwing up Deron Williams' endorsement deals. If the Hornets' point guard didn't exist, everyone would write love letters to Williams and and name their pets after him. Even thoug, Williams dropped 29 points, 14 assists and three boards as the Jazz tied up the series 2-2, there were still 14 newly registered Shitzus outfitted with "Chris Paul" doggy tags over the weekend. More »

KG's Jedi Mind Tricks Don't Work In Cleveland

Basketbawful — Sun, 11 May 2008 10:30:15 EDT

The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who suggests that you see Iron Man immediately if you haven't already seen it. And if you have seen it, see it again. When he's not marketing major motion pictures for free, he can be found playing cards with Bigfoot at Basketbawful. Enjoy! More »

In Salt Lake City, The Bottle Hits You

Basketbawful — Sat, 10 May 2008 10:30:00 EDT

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The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who would like to abuse his position to give a public shout-out to his buddy Dave, who just got his Master's Degree from Purdue University. Way to go, Dave! When he's not making with the gratuitous congratulations, he can be found trimming his unibrow at Basketbawful. Enjoy! More »