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An anonymous tipster, who swears against having any actual association with the Miami Heat, sent along an email the team had sent out to its season ticket holders this afternoon in preparation for "THE SINGLE BIGGEST HOME GAME IN THE HISTORY OF THE FRANCHISE!" More »
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Charles Barkley continued his righteous public crusade against all things Miami Heat today, when he spoke to the "Waddle & Silvy Show" on ESPN 1000. Nothing revolutionary here, just the special vindication that comes with hearing someone with a national audience say things that said audience has been saying to one another for the past eight months: "Yeah, they have the worst fans. No question." There it is. More »
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There's a strange inter-endorsement battle taking place across the ocean on a billboard in Puerto Rico, where Sprite spokesman JJ Barea is quoted taking a shot at fellow Sprite spokesman Kobe Bryant. This sign, originally dug up by Bethlehem Shoals, translates to, "Only my ribs hurt, but for Kobe, it's his ego." More »
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In last night's post-game press conference, CBS Sports controversialist Gregg Doyel took the mic and asked LeBron James about his fourth quarter performances in the postseason. The fourth quarter, Doyel suggested, is when "superstars become superstars" (a confusing idea of evolution in itself), and James has been "shrinking" from that call. A few hours later, we saw exactly what narrative that question was intended to feed — Doyel's column, which is entitled "LeBron James: Story of an incredibly shrinking superstar." More »
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Your morning roundup for June 6, the day we learned the value of Bernie Madoff's underwear. H/T @bubbaprog, proprietor of mocksession.com, for accurately predicting what might tickle us this morning (and others for sending in their own grabs). More »
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Tauntr has done the Lord's work. Now, if only someone could make a Playmobil version of the WNBA Finals' highlights. [Tauntr] More »
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Last night, the Miami Heat ended the Eastern Conference Finals with a 19-4 run in under four minutes to beat the Chicago Bulls in five games. If you were fortunate or unfortunate enough — I haven't decided which it is for me — to have watched the entire game, then you would have witnessed equal parts masterful comeback and epic collapse. It felt not quite like a train wreck but like a beautiful performance of something that was wholly revolting. Jeffrey Dahmer on ice. More »
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Chuck has been saying whatever he damn well wants to say on television for some time now, and he has a special talent for always getting away with it. He's generally loved, and TNT has a different policy for its commentators than, say, ESPN, which would have suspended him approximately 74 times by now. But we'd underestimated the power of an external influence in restraining Barkley, and of course that external influence is Nike. More »
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Joakim Noah, who sat on the bench for much of the second half as Kurt Thomas tried to be the hero, pulled off the delicate skill of framing an absolute dis within a compliment last night. Kenny, Chuck, and Ernie are almost always this tickled with the world, but with this giggly reaction I get the sense that they'd actually like to make Noah one of their own some day. More »
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If there's an element of Chicago Bulls fandom that thinks tonight could be the season's end, Mare Bear is not among them. And who knows, maybe she's right. Because if the LeBrons have shown the world one thing this offseason, it's that they're a .500 team on the road. More »
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Jason Kidd recorded this song for a 1994 album called B-Ball's Best Kept Secret, a title that sounds as bad as the idea itself (one unspoken rule about basketball is that thou shalt never refer to it as "b-ball" with a straight face). The collection paired NBA players with producers and rappers to record tracks — Gary Payton had a song "Livin' Legal and Large," Cedric Ceballos recorded one with Warren G called "Flow On" — at a time when that idea didn't immediately come across as a joke. More »
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It's quite simple: The Oklahoma City Thunder have to win in Dallas tonight, then at home on Friday night and then again in Dallas on Sunday night or the Oklahoma City Thunder's season is over. Whenever it happens, maybe that's when somebody can explain who at The Oklahoman newspaper decided to run this deepthroating interview with Dirk Nowitzki yesterday. A fucking defeatist, that's who. More »
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here's a decent chance that at some point in the past 24 hours — perhaps when he did a little shimmy on the floor after drawing a late offensive foul, or when he began yapping demonstratively at the Less Than Zero extras in the stands, or when he passive-aggressively referred to Derrick Rose as "MVP," or when it emerged that he is pals with Drake — some of the old, cold feeling came rushing back. You remembered just what it was you hated about LeBron James. Now, with LeBron on the cusp of the NBA finals, let's revisit his summer of reckoning and the debate that raged through these pages: Is LeBron a cocksucker or not? More »
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Drake, the child star-turned-hashtag-rapper who would have you believe that his last name is Ever and his first name is Greatest, has been sitting courtside at a lot of Miami Heat games this postseason. This is partly because he is rich and lives in Miami, and thus needs to be photographed doing rich-guy things in Miami, but it is also because Drake and LeBron James have one of those special because-we're-really-rich friendship bonds. They are, according to James, like "a real family." Which tells us a lot about LeBron James. More »
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Chuck is on a roll. Even after getting a little political, he can still say whatever he wants and flip off whomever he pleases, so long as it's not on the air. Miami fans are sour that he called their team "a whiny bunch" last week; Barkley is operating under the correct assumption that he can do whatever he wants because TNT will either to pretend not to notice, or to act like he's just their senile great-uncle acting out without his meds again. More »
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This season's Miami Heat haven't lost a home playoff game. Yet. But they haven't hosted the top-seeded Chicago Bulls. Until tonight. Will the expected "hero's welcome" inspire the Heat or raise the ire of the Bulls? More »
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Dallas and Oklahoma City resume their NBA Western Conference Championship amid cover-ups relating to Russell Westbrook-gate and worries about the Mavericks's "suddenly shaky defense." More »
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Here's the play, courtesy of Sebastian Pruiti over at the NBA Playbook, that allegedly motivated Scott Brooks to bench his starting point guard for the entire fourth quarter last night. It was, initially, a nerve-racking move to take in: you expect a young team to fold in on itself without its young, bullish boy wonder at the helm, and you expect the coach to make the swap back in before that can happen. Remarkably, though (and probably to Brooks' surprise), the Thunder's bench players — boy wonders all — scored 23 of the team's final 29 points against the veteran Mavericks as Westbrook watched from the sideline. More »
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With apologies to Taj Gibson, who replaced Bruce Lee just four days ago, this posterized Kevin Durant dunk over Brendan Haywood (click here to see the full view) should now be required to hang above every American mantlepiece in felt-tip form. More »
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In advance of Game Two of the NBA Western Conference Championship series, DFW.com was kind enough to post 136 "fan photos" from Game One between the Dallas Mavericks and the Oklahoma City Thunder. They're something to behold. More »
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Today in very recent historical comparisons, Reggie Miller gave credit to reincarnated Heat forward Udonis Haslem for his Gibsonesque slam. "I didn't know Taj Gibson was playing for Miami this game!" Miller said, in that characteristic lilt of his, all forced giddiness and wonderment. Perhaps TNT told Miller to back off of his allusions to civil rights leaders in the past few days, because with the year that Haslem's had, this would have been a great chance for him to drop a "we shall overcome" reference, and for all of us to collectively vomit. More »
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Mare Bear's back. She doesn't much like anybody who plays her Chicago Bulls. You know this. The Bulls now this. And now, the Lebrons know this. Here, Mare breaks down the 21-point Game 1 victory with Wooden-esque nuance and insight. Example: More »
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Via the NBA Photo Twitter feed, we present to you the posterization of Dwyane Wade (click here to see the full view), who is usually the one doing the posterizing. To his credit, Wade has been only complimentary and self-deprecating about the dunk that was seen 'round the American couches and barstools last night — Richard Deitsch reported earlier today that TNT's broadcast of Game 1 was "the most-viewed NBA game in the history of cable television," with 11.1 million viewers. More »
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The Bulls beat the Heat by 21 points at home in Game 1 of the Eastern Conference finals this evening. Taj Gibson, who finished with nine points and seven boards off the bench for Chicago, had the two best dunks of the game. The first left Reggie Miller speechless, and presumably on top of Steve Kerr, and the second inspired him to quote Martin Luther King, Jr.: "Oh, my goodness," he said. "I have been to the mountaintop and back." More »
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The only thing better than Game Seven of an NBA playoff series is Game Seven of an NHL playoff series, Game Seven of MLB playoff series or an overtime playoff game in the NFL playoffs beyond the wild-card round. So, brace yourselves for the 3:30 p.m. Oklahoma City Thunder/Memphis Grizzlies winner-takes-all extravaganza! More »
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Your morning roundup for May 15, the day Lazy Cakes, Kush Cakes and Lulla Pies start becoming Public Enemy Nos. 1-3. More »
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Your morning roundup for May 14, the day after a homeless Bulgarian man beheaded an elderly British woman in a Spanish supermarket, walked away "clutching the head by its hair, leaving a trail of blood dripping to the ground," but got caught after an Italian motorcyclist threw a helmet at his face. Oh, Europe. More »
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The Chicago Bulls visit the Atlanta Hawks this evening. If the former wins, it's Chicago vs. Miami for the right to represent the NBA Eastern Conference in the NBA Championship. If the latter prevails, it's Chicago vs. Atlanta for the right to face Miami for the right to represent the NBA Eastern Conference in the NBA Championship. More »
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The Magic were upset by Atlanta in the first round, but Dwight Howard, the broadest-shouldered 13-year-old trapped in a 25-year-old's body on planet earth, would not let it ruin his trip to Disney World last weekend. Until, at least, a few days later, when he found the time to call out the Orlando Sentinel for "tryna push [him] out" of the city and away from Chewbacca. More »
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One of the underrated subplots of the playoffs is when non-sports events get scheduled for our nation's arenas, and the conflicts it causes when a team goes deep. We've had two notable instances of it already, with the Lightning and Bulls running up against two of the most powerful forces in entertainment: Disney and Oprah. More »
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Your morning roundup for May 12, the day old coot Yogi Berra will come up with something witty to say about turning 82, even though he's only 81. More »
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The Miami Heat can put the Celtics down like a mangy mutt that was good for about a fifth of its lifetime tonight. And you know what? Good for Team Olbermann. And good for the United States of America. Rondo might as well have smeared some of Schilling's ketchup on his jersey. More »
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Shawn Kemp has been retired from professional basketball for about eight years now, but after eight seasons with the SuperSonics, he still lives in the Seattle area and makes time for a weekly appearance on local sports radio with the "Ian Furness Show" on KJR. In yesterday's show, Kemp shared that the Oklahoma City Thunder had offered him courtside tickets to see his technically-former franchise take on the Memphis Grizzlies in the second round. He turned them down, and joked about the idea of going in his old Sonics jersey. More »
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The giant foam hat is all fun and games until it is shown on the Jumbo Tron which is then shown on national television which is then uploaded to YouTube with ridiculing commentary and which then makes it to here, where we will shame your giant foam hat shame. What a world. More »
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Your morning roundup for May 11, the day the pre-prom body cavity searches were called off. More »
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Glen Davis had the opportunity this season — after the Celtics traded away Kendrick Perkins and while Shaq enjoys a paycheck and a warm seat as he eases into retirement — to earn real minutes and to anchor the second unit. He tried. He averaged about thirty minutes per game during the regular season, along with 12 points and five boards. And then he got to the playoffs, and the man known as Big Baby lost his way. After last night's overtime loss to the Heat, he told reporters that he doesn't "know where Glen is at." More »
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The Memphis Grizzlies have been typecast, ever since we decided they were relevant enough to be typecast at all, as the unlikely success story with an unlikely GM and an advertised bad streak. They have "blue collar players" for a "blue collar town." The Oklahoma City Thunder, meanwhile, have slid into the category of young guns with fresh legs and a proclivity for streaky shooting. They're also quite humble, we're told, given how stuck in Oklahoma City they are. More »
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Let's avoid speculating about why the Lakers are avoiding Kobe Bryant on the court, and why Pau Gasol broke it off with his girlfriend, and how those two things may or may not be related and may or may not have lead to this 4-0 sweep, and just point out that Los Angeles played like a team — despite earlier claims — that knew it was going to get swept, and that couldn't do anything about it. More »
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A season, sense of entitlement and era could come to an ignominious end when the Los Angeles Lakers tip-off against the Dallas Mavericks sometime after 3:30 p.m. More »
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Your morning roundup for May 8, the day we watched the world's terroristic boogeyman watching himself and channel surfing like an Ritalin-addled preteen whose parents won't spring for a DVR. More »
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