NFL Overtime Doesn't Need To Be ChangedDrew Magary1/21/16 2:25pmFiled to: jamboroonallballs deep30823EditPromoteShare to KinjaToggle Conversation toolsGo to permalinkDrew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here.AdvertisementDid you watch the Packers-Cardinals game on Saturday night? It was perfect, right? It had everything a great football game could possibly have: Hail Marys, bad coaching, alien coin flips, big fucking pass plays, me getting blind drunk, and on and on. I see nothing that could possibly improve that game.But if you ask some people, the end of that game was flawed because poor Aaron Rodgers didn’t get a chance to have a possession in overtime. Clay Matthews bitched. Rodgers bitched. To an extent, it’s understandable for those two to grouse, because they were on the losing end of overtime. But then there were other people calling for change to the format as well, as evidenced here, and here, and here, and here. Oh yes, Lupica got involved. YOU WANTED TO SEE AARON RODGERS GET ONE LAST CHANCE…AdvertisementThis is the postseason, when there is no good reason why they can’t play a fifth quarter, or a sixth, if need be.I can think of a good reason: because it would kill the players. The NFL already rejiggered its overtime format to allow both teams to have possession of the ball, unless the team that wins the toss scores a touchdown on their opening possession. This, of course, is exactly what has happened to the Packers in the playoffs two years running. And you know what? That’s fine. Fuck ‘em! That’s what you get for hiring Dom Capers to coach your defense! You must pay the ultimate price. Because here’s what will happen if the NFL tweaks this format yet again: Some team will score a touchdown on its opening possession, and then the game will keep dragging on forever, and then someone will bitch that the team that scored first got a raw deal. And then people will complain to change the overtime rules BACK to where they were. As it stands now, I have friends who don’t even like the NEW version of overtime, because GRRRRR LET YOUR DEFENSE PROVE ITSELF GRRRRR.SponsoredThe NFL has a lot of bad qualities, and one of the worst is its ongoing obsession with tweaking the rulebook to ensure “fairness,” because the sport is now so immensely popular that you can find and amass an army on either side of a proposed rule change. This is why the current catch rules are so hilariously convoluted. The competition committee is endlessly trying to perfect the rules and, in the process, chipping away at them until there’s nothing left but a muddle of shitty legalese. As a result, refs become overwhelmed and start doing their jobs poorly. I already have a difficult time explaining football to newcomers. I don’t need one more goddamn thing on top of it every year. I can understand not wanting to end Sudden Death on a piddly shit field goal (it’s not terribly entertaining to see a team get into the red zone in OT and then immediately sit on the ball). But if you give up a zillion yards to Larry Fitzgerald on an opening touchdown drive, you don’t deserve the ball back. AdvertisementThe only reason that people are currently clamoring for a change to the overtime format is because we’ve just seen the remarkably unlikely occurrence of a brilliant quarterback suffering two straight overtime playoff defeats. If you’re a neutral observer, those two games didn’t need anything else added to them to be great spectacles. And if you’re hell-bent on pursuing the notion of ultimate fairness, just know that you’ll never find it. I find it amusing that the supposed toughest sport on Earth is so obsessed with making sure everyone gets a chance. It’s sports. The playing field is not always level. You’re not always going to walk away happy. And even if they controlled for every last possible outcome, people would still bitch anyway. Leave overtime alone.The GamesAll games in the Jamboroo are evaluated for sheer watchability on a scale of 1 to 5 Throwgasms. And during the playoffs, I pick the games, because that is the bold and courageous thing to do.Five ThrowgasmsAdvertisementPanthers (-3) 31, Cardinals 27. I must have jumped out of my seat a dozen times during that Cards/Packers game. There’s nothing like watching a game with other people and then jumping out of your seat at key moment and being like OH! OH MY GOD! HE CAUGHT THAT SHIT! It’s like sports Twitter, but REAL! Who knew?By the way, as much as I like Bruce Arians, I don’t think he can just wave a magic wand and say, “We’re not gonna play as tight now that we’ve won a playoff game!” I saw Carson Palmer get spooked against the Packers. That shit doesn’t just magically go away.AdvertisementPatriots (-3) 49, Broncos 10. I wonder how angry Peyton Manning is that people are like, “Wow, this is the LAST Manning-Brady game!” Because people aren’t saying that because of BRADY. Brady’s got a few years left in him. They’re saying it because Peyton is near death and the Broncos are gonna lose this game by five million points unless their defense goes bananas and gets a couple of return touchdowns. I bet he’s fucking livid. They’re gonna ask him about retirement after this game and he’s gonna get all huffy and be like, “I’m still good!” as flies buzz around his rotting cadaver.By the way, as much as I hate on the Patriots, I have absolutely NO desire to see Peyton Manning lose another Super Bowl. We only get one Super Bowl a year. I don’t wanna waste it watching Old Man Peyton make stupid faces for three hours with a red helmet dent in his forehead. Someone get him a walker and a hot cup of tea and gently shove him off into the sunset.AdvertisementNow, onto the random crap:• Does Bill Simmons know his team has four titles?YOU HAVE FOUR FUCKING TITLES, ASSHOLE. But yeah, the League really has the fix in for you. Sure, kid. I like that Pats fans have added Ravens fans’ paranoia to their repertoire. You gotta work HARD to be the worst. You have to have facets to your game. Maybe this offseason they can work on screaming SHOW US YOUR TITS, like a basketball player working on his fadeaway.AdvertisementAdvertisement• If I remember correctly, there have been only FOUR instances of a head coach going for two at the end of regulation to win a game instead of forcing overtime, and two of them involved teams coached by… wait for it… Mike Shanahan. Shanny went for two when he was coach of the Broncos (a win against the Chargers), and then did it again as Washington’s coach(a loss against the Falcons). Jon Gruden also pulled off the walk-off two-point conversion, as did Mike Tice in a meaningless late-season victory against New Orleans back in 2002. These men are not exactly legendary game managers, but they went a combined 3-1 on the walk-off attempt. And that was BEFORE the NFL moved the extra point back. But of course Mike McCarthy kicked the ball after the Hail Mary. Hey Mike, your team just pulled off two miracles in a row and have the Cardinals shocked in disbelief. BETTER PLAY FOR OVERTIME SO THAT ARIZONA CAN EMOTIONALLY RECOVER.As far as I’m concerned, you should always go for two to avoid overtime, regardless of circumstances. The chance to right win is right there, two yards away. It’s not like overtime gives you significantly better odds of winning. If anything, the odds are worse. And the idea that you’ll get criticized if you don’t make it doesn’t wash, because fans LOVE going for two. I would be at the presser after the loss and be like, “We went for two because we want to be AGGRESSIVE. I believe in these men. If there’s a chance to win, I’m taking it!” And then I would chug a bottle of Jack right at the podium. Kicking for overtime is antiquated bullshit and Mike McCarthy is a coward.Advertisement• Our own Albert Burneko wrote a huge post about Wile E. Coyote this week and included this unprovoked drive-by on Tom & Jerry:So much of Tom & Jerry is just them running back and forth, boringly, before something stupid happens for no interesting reason… In the 21st century, we’re all much more familiar with the rhythms and conventions of Wile E. Coyote and Road Runner cartoons than with those of Tom & Jerry, which is a nice way of saying nobody gives a fuck about Tom & Jerry anymore.Whoa hey, what the fuck, man? Now I love Burneko (again, we’ve never spoken outside of work), but this is bullshit. Tom & Jerry are fucking brilliant. Sometimes, you just want to watch ten minutes of a mouse beating the shit out of a cat, and hearing that cat scream in agony as if he were a real human suffering. Without Tom & Jerry, there wouldn’t be Itchy and Scratchy, or any other forms of overly gratuitous cartoon violence. What kind of sick bastard allies himself against that? Shame on you, Bert. You badmouth Tex Avery at your own risk, muchacho.