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If you like pro football and you're on Twitter—and if neither of these things apply to you, well, Jesus, get over yourself; who are you trying to impress?—you've experienced the following scenario: More »
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A collection of my greatest hits (and a few misses). All tweets were retweeted by the players, unless otherwise noted. More »
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Preseason doesn't matter. For fans, training camp and exhibitions are patiently endured, on the way to the games that are real—games that count for standings, for fantasies, for anything, really. The stories of professional football ambitions go untold. What is interesting about interviewing Peyton Manning again about his neck? Nothing. What is interesting about a rookie free-agent offensive lineman who will never make the team, thrashing around his room naked in the midst of a terrible nightmare while his free-agent wide-receiver roommate curls up in the corner on his squeaking metal twin bed and prays for it all to end soon? Everything. More »
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In case you missed it, here was the AFC preview. Now it's time for Andy Behrens and I to take on the NFC. Off we go. More »
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The following is excerpted from the team chapters of the always-excellent Football Outsiders almanac. Buy the PDF for $12 or order the book for $21.95. More »
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Every year, I do a fantasy football preview with Andy Behrens of Yahoo. We usually do this as a podcast, but my equipment crapped out this year and so you get a written preview instead. So let's get right to it. As always, the goal of Behrens and me is to give you as much relevant information about each team as we possibly can going into your draft. And that's badly needed this season because so many players changed hands in such a short period of time and I am fucking CLUELESS. I didn't know who Daniel Thomas was until two days ago. I feel like the average Peter King reader. THESE NEW NAMES FRIGHTEN AND CONFUSE ME. More »
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Last week, I was riding in an elevator with a friend of mine (let's call him General Tao). It was one of them fancy elevators with the t.v. screens constantly showing news updates, and it was packed. A story popped up on the screen about how People had named Hugh Jackman the Sexiest Man Alive. Sensing an opportunity to be the funny guy in an elevator full of strangers, I motioned towards the screen and said, "Hey Tao - looks like your letter writing campaign paid off!" In unison, everyone turned and looked at the screen - which had since changed to a headline reading "Man Kills Family, Self, In East End Tragedy". The remainder of the elevator ride consisted of a prolonged period of awkward silence, with me silently cursing the poor seguing skills of the staff at Elevator News. More »
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• Daunte has come out of a very short retirement, and agreed to a two-year deal with the Detroit Lions. Though the Lions aren't confirming anything at this point, the contract should be signed tomorrow. This will surely turn around their season. More »
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What a week for evil, HEEENGH? This probably isn't what Roger Goodall had in mind when he was going to "clean up the league". A Texans long-snapper and half of the Saints team got busted for the hilariously wimpy accusation of ingesting water pills; none have been suspended yet. Kellen Winslow got a one-game suspension handed down from the Browns for talking trash to a PR official, then had the suspension rescinded, but still will not play today because he didn't make the trip. Brett Favre sort of cheated by giving the Lions the Packers old playbook or something, although he did it horribly since the Lions still lost by 23 points. And Larry Johnson spit on a lady! Let's do some previewin'! More »
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Today's most attractive 1:00 match-up pits the Buffalo Bills against the San Diego Chargers. And today's most uncomfortable 1:00 match-up sees Buffalo defensive tackle John McCargo reunited with the team that tried, unsuccessfully, to trade him to the Colts on Wednesday. Yep, McCargo went from elated to deflated this past Thursday upon learning that his chances at a fresh start had fallen away due to a bulging di...sk. The third-year player failed his physical with the Colts, who promptly slapped a 'Return to Sender' tag on him and shipped him back to upstate New York. McCargo has stayed pretty mum on the subject, but Bills coach Dick Jauron? He's totally cool with it!: More »
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It's our division, the one our Buzzsaw was shipped to so they didn't have to travel to New Jersey, Texas and Pennsylvania every year. And we've (obviously) never won it. Someday ... More »
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People are saying that this division is so stacked that it's a pity someone has to finish last. We say think it's a pity someone has to finish first. More »
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Well, no matter what happens with the NFC South, we will always know they have the most adventurous cheerleaders. Nothing to turn up one's nose at. More »
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We do the riverdance, a manly dance, through the NFC North, land of paternity suits, custody issues, nude assistant coaches, Brett Favre and, of course, sex boats. More »
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This is the AFC West. This is not like the AFC North. You might have noticed this earlier. This is where they play in different time zones than the one in which we live. Whew. All irrefutable facts. More »
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This might be our favorite division in football. Big Ben's bashed up face/appendix combo, Joey Porter, the Bengals cavalcade of feloniousness, Ray Lewis and sex tapes and murder raps ... oh, and the Browns too. What do the kids think? More »
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Personally, we think the AFC East would be a lot more fun to make predictions for if Troy Brown had to play quarterback for the Patriots every game. Oh, and is Culpepper organizing the rookie party for the Dolphins this year? More »
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Because the season starts, oh, tomorrow, we figured it was probably time to start laying out some of the predictions for you, division by division. So here's a quick roundup of predictions from around the series of tubes we call the Internet. More »
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