Generally it's you asking questions of me, but today we're going to have a bit of role reversal and wow, you really look quite fetching in my caftan! Also I'd like to ask how often you're changing your bed linens.

According to a recent article that I've entirely convinced myself is made up of lies and pseudoscience, the average single man is sleeping in squalor:

It’s a discovery no woman wants to hear – the average single male changes his sheets just four times a year.

While they strip their beds every 3.1 months on average, unattached women change their linen every two-and-a-half weeks – or 26 times a year – a survey found.

Now I know that's not true of any of you, because you are gentlemen and scholars and you don't seem the sort to want to hurt me in my heart. But still ... we're curious to know the frequency with which you change your sheets. So we've made you a poll!

Go on, I can take it. (I cannot take it.)