FirstDerivative commented on Houston Astros' pitcher Brandon

"The Staal Brothers scoff at this amateur hour."

FirstDerivative commented on Announcement: Meet Your New College Football Writer

"@Rock You Like An Iracane: My slope sure is down right now, but there's going to f''(x) (my mood) looks up because of the copious amounts of booze im gonna put away enough."

FirstDerivative commented on Announcement: Meet Your New College Football Writer

"Today's goodbye day- Just got laid off."

FirstDerivative commented on Seattle Mist Looking For A Few Good Hot Chicks

"@Steve_U: Beware the Long Island Jappy Cockteasers - Triple Real Jewels Fake Orgasm Take the Wallet 495 Split."

FirstDerivative commented on Sports Illustrated screws

"Could be worse Cubs Fan....actually, no it can't."

FirstDerivative commented on Lil' Wayne Is Fast Becoming ESPN's Most Popular Blogger

"It's Weezy F."

FirstDerivative commented on Cubs Renounce Satan, Still Lose Game One

"Hank Steinbrenner, after seeing the fans arm, gave him a non roster invitee spot in spring training as a late inning center field defensive replacement."

FirstDerivative commented on Mike Shanahan on the firing

" I was a little disappointed, to be honest with you This discord between coaches and ownership meant I could have won by 50, now its only going to be 35 or so."

The Stephen A. Smith Heckling... commented on Cubs Renounce Satan, Still Lose Game One

"I'm interested in this "suckdome" you speak of..."

FirstDerivative commented on Terrell Owens Loves His Quarterback, Not "Sheshawn" Johnson

"His publicist said, "He has 103.5 reasons to criticize Keyshawn.""