<![CDATA[Comments from icanthelpitimfromboston]]> <![CDATA[Comments from icanthelpitimfromboston]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on Hold Me Closer, Dancing Gino. Gino? Gino!]]> You people are overlooking the important part here: that is a sweet. ass. beard.

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on The Red Wings Are Taking Good Care Of Lord Stanley's Cup]]> "These louts from Detroit said they were gonna show her a good time and she gets roughed up."

Sounds like when I went to Detroit.

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on Dick Dickinson Has Unfortunate Name, More Unfortunate Tastes]]> I didn't think child pornography could possibly be more disgusting. But then Christmas Ape was kind enough to turn me on to violent child pornography.
I've always wondered about mall Santas; could be because I fucking hate kids.

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day]]> His honesty is both refreshing and illuminating. It's a good thing Lakers fans have the poise to admit when they win unfairly.

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on Is Baseball Ready For Its Closeup?]]> @DaOtter: Be easy, baby. All they're saying is that umpires, regardless of the difficulty of their job, rarely get it right. Like weathermen, or Boston Herald sports columnists, or Cleo Lemon.

Kidding, kidding, please don't kill me.

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on Perhaps One Of These Men Could Fight Jose Canseco]]> @futuremrsrickankiel: Fuck. You.

How does that guy still have skin? I'm not attracted to men that could accidentally snap my neck during intercourse.

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on Vince Young Is Doing It For The Kids, You See]]> I'm in a sunny sort of mood because all 6 of my roommates left this weekend, so I give Vince credit for issuing an apology clearly not written by someone trained in law or PR. It feels a little more sincere than "I apologize for any pain or embarrassment I caused my family, friends and fans."
That's a good ol' Texas edumacation right there!

/burn.

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on Is Baseball Ready For Its Closeup?]]> If they start reviewing balls and strikes, I'll lose my shit.

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on Canadian Lady Sports Anchor Is A Hockey Expert In All Of Its Various Forms]]> She has one of those crazy, vacant smiles like there's nothing going on upstairs.
Either way, is a hockey announcer that looks like a Stepford Wife, who is from Canada (so you know she's non-confrontational) the perfect woman? She just might be.

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on Home Is Where The Heartache Is]]> @Arriaga_II: Inappropriate, curse-laden, sexist, racist Deadspin comments > Not clever, G-rated ESPN comments.

@Little Lebowski Urban Achievers: I don't want to know what causes a Seven Year Itch, but my guess is you can probably get it from Lindsay Lohan.
BURN!

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on Kelly Tilghman, Doris Burke, Erin Andrews And The Confessions Of A Not-So-Closeted Sports Sexist]]> I am a female Sport Journalism student and nothing, and I mean nothing, pisses me off more than most female sports broadcasters. Some are tolerable at best.
And who fucking dresses Bonnie Bernstein? She always looks like some sort of frozen treat.
It's nonsense.

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on The Truth Really <em>Does</em> Hurt. Just Ask LeBron and The Cavaliers]]> Better coaches/GMs/owners deserve these players. It upsets me to see the talent of a player like Lebron get pissed away with shitty trades and sub par support staff, which forces him to play too many minutes every game. His career is going to be cut short or at least marred by injury because of the beating to which he submits his body for six months a year.
Danny Ferry and Mike Brown should be banned from the NBA.
And Doc Rivers sucks too, and he was unfairly handed this phenomenal team because of the most blatant display of croneyism I've seen since Buddy Cianci.

I exacerbated my the fractures in my ribs watching that game. All in all, a hell of a display between Paul and Lebron, but a sad reminder of how Lebron's career may turn up if he doesn't leave Cleveland the second his contract is up.
/shouldreallyconsiderquittingdrinking

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on Ah, The Cultural Rewards Of Major League Baseball]]> Less teachy, more pitchy, Papelbon.

/salty about the number of blown saves he seems to be accumulating in this young season.

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on Christian Laettner Inducted Into Hall Of Ethnic White People]]> @OnwardChristianLaettner: I get the jokes only because my father is something of a bigot, which I luckily inherited. But most other people my age have no idea that Polish people are idiots, mainly because when you're in college, everyone's kind of an idiot.

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on Ex-Associate Claims In Book That O.J. Confessed To Murder While High]]> I confessed to a threesome with two dudes once when I was drunk.
It wasn't true, but now no one believes me because I'm sober. Go figure, huh?

Sidenote: I'm a girl. Just to clarify.

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on Invasion Of The LeBron Snatchers!]]> @supermike5alive: No, I go to Ohio University.

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on Invasion Of The LeBron Snatchers!]]> @StreakinTheQuad: Haha, no, I'm not a dude. I'm a tiny, adorable little girl.

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on Invasion Of The LeBron Snatchers!]]> I'm 5'1" and 111 pounds, and, even though I'm 21, I look wicked young.
Last night a male Cavs fan kicked my barstool out from underneath me, picked me up by my Pierce jersey and tossed me into a wall. He sprinted out of the bar before anyone could do anything.
And then, when I got up to keep drinking, another Cavs fan came over and told me he had wanted to do that all night.
Classy.

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on Corey Lynch Offers Divine Intervention To The Bengals]]> Best case scenario:
Corey Lynch walks into the locker room with a bible in one hand and a cross in the other, claiming that the team is going to get "Lynched" (because hillbilly evangelists like including their names in shit so people remember it, because they think they're sermons are prophetic) and then Odell Thurman is going to kill him using only his left thumb.

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on Roger Clemens, 15-Year-Old Country Singers, OxyContin, Stolen Trucks And You]]> She looks like a fat Meryl Streep, if a rat took a bite out of her nose.

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on Don't Make Them Angry. You Wouldn't Like Them When They're Angry]]> @Brazil Thrill - Hawks Aficionado: It's Boston. We're always looking for a fight.

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on Don't Make Them Angry. You Wouldn't Like Them When They're Angry]]> @futuremrsrickankiel: I like your style.

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on A USC Football Player Got A Low Test Score? What?]]> @Flαmεtown: I got a 41. Too bad I'm a 5'1", 103-pound girl who drinks whiskey by the liter and gets winded walking up the stairs. Without those mitigating factors, I would be an awesome quarterback.

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on Know those "Free Tibet" flags]]> @suntastic: That was "You Oughta Know." And it was totally about him, Facebook told me so.

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on Don't Make Them Angry. You Wouldn't Like Them When They're Angry]]> I'm from Boston, and if anyone calls me a bandwagon fan I'll punch them in the ball. But I can't really disagree with Bibby here, ask 50% of the people at the Garden to name anyone other than Rondo or Pierce that started last season and they probably cannot.
But Bibby's only saying that because he's a salty little twat who plays for the 8th seed in the East, which is nothing to brag about. That's like marrying a super hot girl that used to be a hooker. Sure, she's model-hot, but her vagina probably looks like it's sticking it's tongue out at you.

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on The Boston Globe Used To Have A Sports Section]]> @supermike5alive: I wish I didn't know that.

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on Atlanta Versus Boston: The Execution Series]]> Please don't hate Boston because of Simmons. Hate us because we're pretentious, mean, elitist, ungracious winners.
But Simmons is a douche. We're assholes, not douchebags. Big difference.

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on Atlanta Versus Boston: The Execution Series]]> @FEAST: Please don't hate Boston because of Simmons. Hate us because we're pretentious, mean, elitist, ungracious winners.
But Simmons is a douche. We're assholes, not douchebags. Big difference.

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on Make Sure Your Child Is Born In August, People]]> I share a birthday/addiction with Darryl Strawberry

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on Wade Boggs Doomed To Fail On Baseball Tonight]]> I was visiting a college just outside of Orlando when I was seventeen and was aggressively hit on by Wade Boggs. Granted, I was in a bar, so I understand his confusion, but even when I told him I was only seventeen, he was quite persistent. He was all red and shiny, it was incredibly uncomfortable. And he's a close talker.
Interesting sidenote: a good friend of mine went home from the same bar with JC Chasez of NSync fame about a year later.

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on Bill James's Steroid Accusations Have Higher Range Factor Than Canseco's]]> @anonymouseducator: He went blind from glaucoma, I believe.

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on Bill James's Steroid Accusations Have Higher Range Factor Than Canseco's]]> Ever seen Hideki Matsui up close? His face looks like the surface of the moon.

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on Female Cyclist Convicted In BALCO Case For Perjury, Growing Her Own Prostate]]> @Scout: Like when baby girls are still bald and their parents put pink headbands on them. What difference does it make what gender they are (the stunning Tammy included)? No one's trying to have sex with them; the confusion is a moot point.

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on NCAA Pants Party: Final Four]]> UNC - Memphis
Then, Memphis, please.
So that, for once, someone with even a smidgen of sports knowledge will win one of these f'in pools.
They'll all still be pissed they lost to a girl, but they can take solace in the fact that I'm a girl majoring in Sport Journalism.

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on Rick Reilly's Borscht Belt Hilarity Now Targeting Bloggers]]> Actually, I'm naked. But only because I'm hungover and can't find my pants.

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on President Bush's One Night Away From It All]]> @Reasonable Doubt for a Reasonable Price: He has naptime right between snack and recess.

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on Eric Gagne, A Still Life]]> Milwaukee Brewers 2008 Team Leaders
WINS LEADER » E. GAGNE
E. Gagne WINS 1
ERA 27.00
SO 1
IP 1

Thanks, Milwaukee

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on Pat Jordan, Canseco "Square Off" On Howard Stern]]> Team Heidi. She is a human audio highlight reel. A monstrous gestapo? I'm pretty sure she has NO idea what that means.

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on Matt Leinart Should Just Grow Up Already]]> God, what a loathesome pairing. Nick Lachey is that douchebag who was cool in high school but now works at the deli three blocks from that same high school 20 years later, except that he was nailing Jessica Simpson for a while. And I have no real reason to hate Matt Leinart, but I do.
And I hate both of them exponentially more for kicking it with girls that young. As a 21-year-old girl, I can safely say that is really, really creepy of Nick Lachey.

sidenote: All boy-banders are pervs, JC Chasez got my friend plastered three years ago and then had sex with her when she was barely conscious. She was 17 at the time.
True story.

]]> <![CDATA[icanthelpitimfromboston commented on Pedro Hears A Pop]]> As a Boston fan, it still hurts me a little to see Pedro hurt, since I owe him my first born child.
I can't take it back now, I promised him.

]]>