December 1, 2008 – Michael Bertin writes regularly about soccer for Deadspin. The two best pieces of advice I ever got both came from the father of one of my best friends back in hight school. More »
Dude, I Think Stryper Won A Trophy or Something
November 24, 2008 – Michael Bertin writes regularly about soccer for Deadspin. Frankie Hejduk has been in MLS for nine years. He's done five seasons in Europe four of which were with Bayern Levekusen, including the infamous 1999-2000 campaign when the side needed only a draw against tiny Unterhaching on the last day... More »
That’s Not Really What I Have In Mind
November 17, 2008 – Michael Bertin writes regularly about soccer for Deadspin. During last night's 60 Minutes interview Steve Kroft threw out enough softballs to Barack Obama to make them both lesbians. More »
Hey, My Celebration Looked A Lot Like That
November 10, 2008 – Michael Bertin writes regularly about soccer for Deadspin. There's only one person to blame for ruining Arsenal's 2-1 victory over United on Saturday: More »
See Look, I Can Still Blow Even In Such A Puffy Coat
November 3, 2008 – Michael Bertin writes regularly about soccer for Deadspin So I was Superman for Halloween. And, once in costume, I had this great idea, I would start flying from east to west really, really fast. More »
Yeah, I Have A Hard Time Keeping My Eyes Open Too Ashley
October 27, 2008 – Michael Bertin writes regularly about soccer for Deadspin. Liverpool fans must still be over the fucking moon today. A 1-0 win over Chelsea, giving their 86 game home winning streak the, well, 86, and moving atop the table. More »
We Win League By This Much, Yes?
October 20, 2008 – Michael Bertin writes regularly about soccer for Deadspin. The league is over. I'm not so sure I believe it, but it's fun to make mildly outrageous predictions just over a fifth the way through the season. More »
England, Where You Can’t Wear a Mankini and People Cry When They Get Booed
October 13, 2008 – Michael Bertin writes about soccer regularly for Deadspin. Ashley Cole—that's him in the white—seemingly has plenty going for him. He's relatively young (27), he's got a hot plastic wife, and he gets compensated handsomely to do his job, which is a pretty sweet one as he plays left back for... More »
The Midwest Doesn’t Like Alcohol or Foreigners
October 6, 2008 – Michael Bertin writes regularly about soccer for Deadspin Thanks to Jesus, I watched a total of about 35 minutes of soccer this weekend. Okay, it's partially my fault. More »
Financial Institutions (And the Mets) Aren’t the Only Things Collapsing in Epic Failure
September 29, 2008 – Michael Bertin writes regularly about soccer for Deadspin. A funny thing happened on the way to the San Siro. Actually, it wasn't funny at all, but with the Special One lining up his charges against the Boys from Brazil (Pato, Kaka, Ronaldinho), Milan v. More »
Sock it To Me, Sir Alex
September 22, 2008 – Michael Bertin writes regularly about soccer for Deadspin Sir Alex Ferguson can go fuck himself. Okay, literally, that might be a bit of a tall order, but he does have a saggy set of B-cups so he could at least give himself a good feeling up. More »
Four More Years
September 15, 2008 – Michael Bertin writes about soccer regularly for Deadspin. I'm big into self-preservation, so if I'm in the path of a hurricane—which having been temporarily relocated to Houston, I am (or was)—it's not going to take much cable news fear-mongering to get me to evacuate. More »
Rearranging the World Order
September 8, 2008 – Michael Bertin writes about soccer for Deadspin World Cup qualifying in Europe is too easy. I know that sounds ridiculous given some of the results over the weekend—France losing to Austria, Italy needing stoppage time to nip Cyrpus, and England being rescued against Andorra (again) by five... More »
Arms Race Gets Second and Larger Arm
September 3, 2008 – Michael Bertin writes regularly about soccer for Deadspin Meet the new world power in soccer, the United Arab Emirates. Actually as people, they suck at the game. More »
Roman Abramovich’s Fantasy Football Team Is Better Than Yours
August 27, 2008 – Apparently Roman Abramovich doesn't like being first runner-up. After completing the silver sweep last season—finishing second in the Premier League, the Carling Cup, and the Champions League—the Russian billionaire owner of Chelsea FC responded by purchasing half of the Portuguese-speaking... More »
They Must Be Coming By Sea
August 25, 2008 – David Hirshey Michael Bertin writes regularly for Deadspin about soccer. Arsene Wenger would have made a good captain for the Titanic. That has less to do with any nautical skills that he may or may not have, than it does with hubris. More »
Stop Us If You’ve Heard This One Before
August 18, 2008 – David Hirshey Michael Bertin writes regularly for Deadspin about soccer. If the season were to end today Stupid Fucking Bolton would be going to the Champions League. More »
