Most importantly, I have a bottle of 2005 (Dick) Vermeil Cabernet for tomorrow. It better be good, 'cause it wasn't that cheap. One way or the other I'll probably burst into tears after drinking it.
/mostofyouguysaresofuckingyoung...'tknowwhati'mtalkingabout
Now make that into a reality show if you really want to be loved by the Gawker commentariat.
That's also a nightly newscast that will be selling a lot of Depends and Paula Deen diabetes medicine.
Flank Jankens could probably use them.
(I think it's kind of an oily toga).
/turns up the thermostat
Slate isn't funny. Stop.