I guarantee you this, if Willie McGinest, Tedy Bruschi, Larry Izzo, Richard Seymour or myself had been at that party, at least one of us would have forgotten where he put his car keys or why the voices are demanding we eat someone alive.
High C Punch Shake was also how Lindsey Buckingham found out he was epileptic.
The Knicks shot 18 of 43 from three-point range tonight and scored 89 points. Think about that, and then laugh at the Knicks because laughing at the Knicks is cathartic.
Solid work.
AJ WOULD'VE MADE THIS A PANTS PARTY, CRAGGS, YOU NON-AJ.
So Benedictine apparently has a fantastic pharmacology program.
Tipping a delivery driver is compensation for your laziness. You shouldn't get it both ways--either pick it up yourself or pay extra to be cozy in your home and not exert the effort I am doing. And how exactly might a driver do "extraordinary service?" Should I sing on your porch? Should I fellate you? I am not a waiter--my job is simple and linear, thus my opinion that there is a standard I believe I should receive. Yes, it is a job, but I don't get an hourly wage, nor do most delivery drivers (I'm an independent contractor, not even a taxed employee of the restaurant). I, like most, drive my own car, and therefore use gas that I must purchase to get your meal to you. Whether or not a restaurant should compensate a driver (adequately) matters not because they usually don't, and that's just a sad fact. Again, do not anger someone who handles your food (and is probably friends with the people making your food). You have every right to be selfish, as I have every right not to get you your food in a prestine and timely fashion next time. You'd be surprised the ways drivers know how to inconvenience you without actually poisoning you. Having the mentality that it's not your fault that the restaurant doesn't help out the driver or waitress or bartender is a shitty one, as is the "if you don't like it, quit" one. They make their money on tips--fact. If you don't want to play ball, cook your own food (as I do with almost all my meals) or order carry out (which I rarely do, but I never get delivery).
For your average one-pizza order I get $2 or 3 mostly. It's people like you that keep us from quitting and make the overall total at the end of the night bearable.
Pizza Delivery PSA DUAN
Y'all mostly seem like a good bunch when it comes to this, and I assume many have worked in the service industry, but just to pound home what should be obvious, tip your food delivery driver well, especially in inclement weather. Here's the standard today--$5 or 10%, whichever is greater. That's not asking much for someone to drive a meal to your house and indulge your laziness. I appreciate waitresses/waiters (have been one and a busboy, and I work with many), but they do not deal with weather, the risk of robbery/assault/death, damage/wear to their cars--and they get 20%. Sure, they have to deal with you longer, but I'm not asking for 20%. Perhaps up the tip if it's raining or, like tonight in Chicago, there are 8 inches of snow on the ground without plowed sidestreets. I fell backwards down a customer's unshoveled porch tonight for $2 (at least their food was destroyed, but they didn't know that when tipping me). Do I deserve that humiliation?
Don't get in the shower or go out of earshot of the doorbell after ordering, dumbass. And do not order from the road thinking you'll be home in time. At least once a week I deliver to someone who isn't home "but will be there in five minutes, I promise." Fuck you and die.
Have a working doorbell or sit your ass near the door. I shouldn't have to call you from my phone for you to come get your food (which I'm damaging the longer I stand waiting).
Come to the door with the money. Who the hell else did you expect to be at the door? And make out the check right after placing the order if told the price on the phone. When I wait for you to write a check or find money or put away your dog or stop having sex, I lose money.
If your dog charges at me, I drop your food. That's your fault.
If you live in an apartment and I have to be buzzed in, perhaps consider the amount of food you ordered. With three pizzas, two sandwiches, and two 2-liters of pop in my arms, that door may be a bit difficult to maneuver--especially when you hold down the buzzer for .003 seconds.
Your kids are evil, and so is the babysitter. When you leave them cash for a pizza, they don't tip. You pay for this in food quality the next time you order, trust me (drivers remember all deliveries, trust me).
A delivery charge does not (entirely or at all) go to the driver, nor should it be factored into your tip to begin with.
Have an address visible from the street, asshole.
Know that the driver has your phone number, address, and sometimes your credit card info. As I've worked with some really shady ones before, why would you piss off someone with that access? Maybe more importantly, why would you piss off someone who handles your food?
I love you all. Enjoy the weekend. I don't have to deliver Saturdays and Sundays, so I know I will.
The pipes are a sombre metaphoric timeline of Downing's life beginning far away in bright light, turning toward uncertainty, and filled with daquiri vomit and registering as a sex offender.
They pick a random hot chick every game to do it. They're usually nobody famous.
The kid, the puck going in as Greg was emoting, the fantastic metaphor for us all...
I happen to be a huge fan of the Toots and the Maytals song "Me Mountain Piss."
Great. Now China is going to cancel "Barney and Coworkers." Think of the children, lady.
So are Scocca & MacLeod Deadspin's Rizzoli & Isles?
