Deadspin: Philadelphia Phillies

Nationals "Take Back The Park" From Phillies Fans, Give It Right Back To Them

Barry Petchesky — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 10:25:50 EST

Every time the Phillies visit Nationals Park, it feels like a home game for them. The stands are filled with fans who made the two-hour drive south to cheer for the Phillies, and it's disheartening for Nats fans to be outnumbered in their own stadium. The same thing happens when the Yankees visit Baltimore, or the Red Sox play in Tampa, and it's embarrassing. But the Nationals finally stood up and said "no more." More »

Pat Burrell Is Retiring, But "The Machine" Just Might Live On

Jack Dickey — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 14:05:00 EST

MLB Trade Rumors had it first, and noted rich guy Jon Heyman confirmed on Twitter: Pat Burrell is retiring. The thumping, lumbering outfielder posted a .253/.361/.472 line in 12 MLB seasons, most of them with the Phillies. He had ranked 25th among active players in home runs. He won two World Series. Not bad at all. A chronic foot injury felled him just a bit before his time. More »

Phillies Sign Dontrelle Willis, Reports Some Guy Who Says He Accidentally Got Forwarded An Email From Ruben Amaro

Barry Petchesky — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 10:20:18 EST

Ruben Amaro is a ninja—except when his email blasts on free agency signings find their way into the wrong hands. A reader forwards along this missive, purportedly from Ruben Amaro to the front office announcing that the Phillies are signing Dontrelle Willis to a one-year deal pending a physical. Because our reader has an email address similar to someone with the team, he says he occasionally gets official-looking correspondence like this. More »

A Perfectly Designed Killing Machine, The Phillie Phanatic Silently Stalks Its Prey

Barry Petchesky — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 13:20:00 EST

If you take nothing else from this insane week in sports, let it be the fact that the Phillie Phanatic was born in the Galapagos Islands. MLB has photos of the Philadelphia mascot furbirdthing "returning to his homeland" to terrify wildlife and hawk his book to local children. [MLB.com via The700Level] More »

Jonathan Papelbon To The Phillies And Ramon Santiago To The Pirates, And Other Engrossing Hot Stove News

Dylan Murphy — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 18:50:00 EST

Your roundup of all the hottest hot-stove items of the day (and whatever shit Ken Rosenthal is throwing against the wall). This is ... HOT FUCKING STOVE!!!! More »

The Rangers Made The Most Out Of Losing Cliff Lee, And So Have Their Fans

Dom Cosentino — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 10:05:00 EDT

Your morning roundup for Oct. 26, the day we swear she turned into a donkey. Photo via Midwest Sports Fans. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors. More »

Presenting Your Ryan Howard At A Food Store In A Motorized Scooter Photoshop Roundup

Dom Cosentino — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 16:55:00 EDT

The above photo is of Ryan Howard, and it was taken at a suburban Philly Whole Foods on the day after the Phillies were knocked out of the National League playoffs by the Cardinals. The game ended with Howard recording the final out and tearing his Achilles in the process, which explains the scooter. The image is ripe for being photoshopped, which is why I asked for your contributions for our stupid little contest. And you didn't disappoint. We received more than 30 photoshops from various readers, but the gallery you see here has it narrowed down to the 16 I felt were the best, in no particular order. At the end, there's a second runner-up, first runner-up, and a winner. So let's get to it. More »

Photoshop Contest: Ryan Howard At A Food Store In A Motorized Scooter

Dom Cosentino — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 13:40:00 EDT

The internet has been passing around this photo of Ryan Howard for several days, or at least since it was discovered after being tweeted by a fan who snapped it at a suburban Philly Whole Foods. It is at once sadly and hilariously emblematic of the sudden conclusion to the Phillies' season. More »

This Year, Ryan Howard's Season-Ending At-Bat Resulted In Physical Injury

Brian Hickey — Sat, 08 Oct 2011 09:45:00 EDT

Your morning roundup for Oct. 8, the day we learn that it's best just to plead guilty when caught handing out semen-tainted yogurt at the market. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors. More »

SprtsCntr: The Squirrel Heard 'Round The World

Matt Toder — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 10:25:11 EDT

What is ESPN prattling on about right now? We condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence. More »

Hey Look, A Squirrel Ran Onto The Field During The Phillies/Cardinals Game

Brian Hickey — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 19:40:00 EDT

Bottom of the fifth. Cardinals second baseman Skip Schumaker seemed to have an issue with a muscle in his ass or upper leg. Trainer came out. All seemed fine. More »

Shane Victorino Forgot How To Play Baseball On This Throw

Jack Dickey — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 18:45:15 EDT

It looks like he's gonna remember, but then, no, he doesn't. Doesn't matter: Phillies are still leading, 2-1. More »

Roy Halladay Came Here To Bury, Not Praise The Cardinals

Jack Dickey — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 13:45:00 EDT

Crossing Broad brings us this tale of how Roy Halladay gives a menacing, literate answer to a reporter's silly softball: More »

Did Kirk Herbstreit Drop An F Bomb In The LSU/WVU Booth Last Night?

Brian Hickey — Sun, 25 Sep 2011 09:30:00 EDT

Your morning roundup for Sept. 25, the day Catwoman got real. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors. (Video H/T Casey) More »

Boise State Calls Mississippi State's Misspelling And Raises Em A Misplaced Apostrophe

Brian Hickey — Sat, 17 Sep 2011 09:15:00 EDT

Your morning roundup for Sept. 17, a day we pour one out for the late Jeffrey Jarrett. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors. More »

Now The Phillies Have Decided To Affect The Outcome Of Milwaukee's Sausage Races

Brian Hickey — Sat, 10 Sep 2011 10:30:00 EDT

"Before the top of the sixth began, [second baseman] Pete Orr forgot to look both ways when exiting the dugout and accidentally stepped in front of five racing sausages. He ducked between Polish and Italian but smacked into Hot Dog. The fans booed the sheepish Canadian, who smirked as an entire dugout burst into laughter." [Philadelphia Inquirer] More »

Visor-Wearing Phillies Fan Proposes At Phillies Game To Girlfriend Holding Bud Light, So Now They Can Go Have Horrible Phillies Children Together

Barry Petchesky — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 13:25:00 EDT

[via The 700 Level] More »

Phillies OF John Mayberry, Jr. Has Requested That His Agents Set Him Up With The Sexy Mermaid From Pirates Of The Caribbean

Jack Dickey — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 13:25:00 EDT

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John Mayberry, Jr. is a man who knows what he wants. One cannot, after all, become the Phillies' best pinch-hitter without knowing what he wants. But Mayberry is still missing something. Evidently, that something is the Sexy Mermaid from Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. More »

Some Phillies Fans Went To Miami And Interfered With The Marlins Right Fielder

Brian Hickey — Sun, 04 Sep 2011 16:45:00 EDT

This whole thing happened in the sixth inning of today's Phillies/Marlins game. Hunter Pence of the Phillies hit one to the right-field wall. It may or may not have hit that yellow stripe. We'll never know. More »

Jamie Moyer Will Begin Rehab And Hopes To Pitch In 2012, Despite That Whole Turning 49 Years Old Thing

Jack Dickey — Mon, 29 Aug 2011 16:00:00 EDT

The Phillies have steamrolled the National League this year, and it seems like they've been doing that a lot lately. But they've done it without their soft-tossing lefty on-field mascot, Jamie Moyer, whose slow, painful, surprising march to 300 wins was undone last year by his ulnar collateral ligament. More »

My Oh My Does Cole Hamels Look Like He Was Born To Walk The Runway

Brian Hickey — Thu, 25 Aug 2011 23:45:00 EDT

Earlier tonight, The Shane Victorino Foundation All-Star Celebrity Fashion Show was held in Philadelphia. It's for a good cause. This picture was taken there. Do with it what you will. More »

Jimmy Rollins Is Going On The DL, According To Jimmy Rollins

Dom Cosentino — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 15:55:00 EDT

Guess the Phillies' PR staff can pretty much take the afternoon off. More »

Presenting Slo-Mo Video Of A Little League Player Taking A Baseball To The Face

Brian Hickey — Sat, 20 Aug 2011 09:45:00 EDT

Your morning roundup for Aug. 20, the ninth day that Delonte West will wake up hoping Home Depot calls. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors. (Video from California's 11-0 win over Rhode Island H/T Shaun B). More »

Hunter Pence Scored From Second On A Single, Stopped At Third To Slide For No Reason

Dom Cosentino — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 11:40:00 EDT

Oops. More »

Radio Guy Apologizes For Calling Giants Pitcher An "Illegal Alien"

Brian Hickey — Sat, 06 Aug 2011 15:45:00 EDT

When the Phillies and Giants sorta-brawled last night, radio guy Tony Bruno (on right in photo) sent out this Tweet: "gutless #!@%*! Giants. Bochy is a coward for having his illegal alien pitcher hit a guy since mighty Frisco boys ..." and quickly deleted it. But nothing's quickly deleted. More »

The Phillies And Giants Engaged In One Of Those Brawls That Really Aren't Brawls But Look Good On TV Anyway

Brian Hickey — Sat, 06 Aug 2011 10:15:00 EDT

Your morning roundup for Aug. 6, the day our Chinese overlords recommended we seek treatment for our mooching-trillions addiction. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors. More »

Shane Victorino Could Have At Least Tried To Help The Kid Up

Dom Cosentino — Fri, 05 Aug 2011 10:18:03 EDT

Your morning roundup for Aug. 5, the day after Pete Carroll ceded all responsibility for the Seahawks. Video of Victorino's indifference to the the bat boy falling is here. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors. More »

A Minor League Team Was Two Feet From Disaster

Barry Petchesky — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 14:40:59 EDT

As the old saying ought to go, nothing good comes from taking a wrong turn to Staten Island. More »

Chris Kluwe Conditionally Surrenders No. 5 To New Vikings QB Donovan McNabb

Brian Hickey — Sat, 30 Jul 2011 09:45:00 EDT

Your morning roundup for July 30, the day we're provided with living proof that 32-year-old women are, in fact, into 83-year-old men. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors. More »

Chase Utley's Inside-The-Park Homer Is Better Than Anything That Happened In Your Game Tonight

Jack Dickey — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 22:15:00 EDT

The best part (or worst, if you're a Braves or Mets fan) of all of this is just how excited the crowd, and the announcer, gets. It's late in the game. Philly's already up 5-1, over the Giants, whose 3.62 runs scored per game is the worst among all division leaders. Philly's also got the NL East salted away, at 64-37—now 65-37—despite its injuries. Hell, Vance Worley was in the process of throwing a complete game to advance to 7-1 and drop his ERA to 2.02. There wasn't all that much at stake on this play. More »

Here's A Picture Of A Baseball Commentator Sweating Profusely While Flanked By Ladies In Eighties Gear

Brian Hickey — Sat, 23 Jul 2011 12:45:00 EDT

Last night was Retro Night at the Phillies/Padres game. This is the type of thing a team does to keep a sell-out streak alive when a) the Padres are in town, b) on a Friday night in summer, c) when the temperature at first pitch is 98 °F. More »

Former Phillies Reliever Ricky Bottalico Is Worried About Roy Oswalt's Bulging Dick

Jack Dickey — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 21:30:00 EDT

Crossing Broad brings us another highlight to add to the already lengthy reel of sports broadcasters talking about bulging dicks. More »

Ryan Howard's RBI Total Does Not Make Him The Greatest Baseball Player In The Universe, Bill Conlin

Barry Petchesky — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 14:05:59 EDT

Bill Conlin wrote something dumb today. In other news, the sun rose in the east. But we're not going to go after Bill Conlin, because it's been done. Instead we're going to try and put in the simplest terms possible why he and anyone else rejecting advanced statistics out of hand are being willfully ignorant. More »

Joe Buck Is Not Announcing Phillies Game Today, But The Fans Still Hate Him

Jack Dickey — Sat, 11 Jun 2011 18:50:00 EDT

This comes via Hickey (the photographer is @roscocosmopeco), your usual weekend landlord, whose Twitter pal is rocking this shirt at today's Cubs-Phillies affair. The only problem is that Kenny Albert, not Buck, is announcing the national game for Fox. More »

Phillies Backup Catcher Has Contemplative Moment Facedown On Pittsburgh Bar

A.J. Daulerio — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 10:45:00 EDT

Journeyman catcher Dane Sardinha was seen decompressing like a champion at August Henry's early Sunday morning, which is typical behavior after anyone is forced to backstop a Kyle Kendrick emergency start. Even though Sardinha went hitless in the Phillies loss to the Pirates, he probably made solid wood contact later that evening if his forehead thumped that bar rail. Our tipster (Nick, we'll call him) says Sardinha was tipsy but I prefer to think he was privately texting Kendrick some thoughtful observations about his mechanics. Also: still surprised Sardinha has not been nicknamed "Dooch" during his tenure in Philadelphia. Make it happen, Meech. More »

Being Captain Of The Saint John Sea Dogs Does Not Entitle You To Spit In Memorial Cup, But Watch This Guy Do It Anyway (UPDATE: ?)

Mon, 30 May 2011 10:00:00 EDT

Your morning roundup for May 30, Memorial Day, the day we learned the Groupon Voice. Video via tipster Brent, who writes (with a French BlackBerry signature appended!), "Watch beardo spit into the Memorial Cup. His teammates will be drinking out of it. Fucking gross." More »

Hockey Player Misses Five Minutes Of Game Time With Broken Face, Returns In Time For Season-Losing Goal

Brian Hickey — Sat, 28 May 2011 09:45:00 EDT

Your morning roundup for May 29, the day after death told the world that the puffy-faced Grandma Bandit was actually a man. More »

Phillies Infielder Throws 10-Pitch 19th Inning To Close Out Joey Votto And The Reds

Brian Hickey — Thu, 26 May 2011 09:30:00 EDT

Your morning roundup for May 26, the day after Disney realized that it probably wasn't the best of ideas to trademark American heroes for profit. More »

"We're On A Fucking Roll, Dude": The 1993 Profile Of Lenny Dykstra That Warned Us What Was Coming

Mon, 16 May 2011 16:00:18 EDT

Originally published as "Lips Gets Smacked" in the January 1993 issue of Philadelphia Magazine and later anthologized in The Best American Sports Writing 1994. Reprinted here with the author's permission and his addendum at bottom. More »

Philly Gave Jayson Werth A Conflicted Standing Ovation Last Night

Emma Carmichael — Wed, 04 May 2011 14:15:00 EDT

Jayson Werth, D.C.-area multi-millionaire, had his first at-bat at Citizens Park since the December 2010 deal last night. He was treated to a standing ovation of sorts, one that was one-part mostly-genuine strained clapping and one-part all-out disgusted booing (which quieted, slightly, when he tipped his cap), but the real highlight of his return was the signage. Not pictured in the crowd excerpt below: another batch, documented by The Nationals Enquirer, that included the welcome-wagon notes, "$TIFF" and "HIPPIE SELLOUT." My personal favorite, however, has to be "NICE BEARD STUPID." Clear and simple. More »