A Non-Exhaustive List Of Johnny Manziel Dirt We Will Actually Pay For

We get a lot of tips about Johnny Manziel, and most of them read something like this: "Hey, I have a [photo/video] of a [drunk/high] Johnny Manziel [singing along to Drake in a club/rolling up a joint/reaching for a bong/popping bottles/snorting coke]. How much will you pay me for it?" Here is our answer: nothing.

This is not to say that we are not interested in purchasing photos and videos of Johnny Manziel. They just have to be the right kinds of photos and videos. For example, the photo above—which shows Johnny Manziel rolling up some money in the manner of a dude getting ready to blow some lines—doesn't really do much for us. For a Manziel-doing-rails photo to rise above the mundane at this point, he'd have to be snorting high-grade cocaine cut with the ashes of Pablo Escobar and Vince Lombardi, ideally while holding up a valid driver's license.

Or let's get really crazy here. Below you'll find Deadspin's official Johnny Manziel bounty list; it is not exhaustive, but it'll give you some idea of what the market is like for photos and videos of Johnny Football.* If you have any of these in your possession, email us at tips@deadspin.com.

  • Photo of Johnny Manziel reading a Donna Tartt book: $50
  • Photo of Johnny Manziel reading Capital in the Twenty-First Century: $200
  • Photo of Johnny Manziel wearing a propeller hat: $18
  • Photo of Johnny Manziel reading Proust: $25
  • Photo of Johnny Manziel reading Proust in French: $50
  • Photo of Johnny Manziel playing Magic: The Gathering: $25
  • Photo of Johnny Manziel reading The Count of Monte Cristo: $25 ($75 for unabridged version)
  • Photo of Johnny Manziel sitting by himself, lost in reflection and staring into the middle distance: $30
  • Photo of Johnny Manziel browsing NPR podcasts on his laptop: $60
  • Photo of Johnny Manziel shopping for kale and a bottle of mineral water: $20
  • Photo of Johnny Manziel digging in the crates of a good vinyl-only store: $20
  • Video of Johnny Manziel bringing a pile of LPs up to the counter at the vinyl-only store and arguing that he should get a volume discount: $25
  • Photo of Johnny Manziel and Henry Kissinger: $800
  • Photo of Johnny Manziel playing Monopoly: $40
  • Video of Johnny Manziel playing Monopoly with the real rules that make you bid on unpurchased properties: $60
  • Photo of Johnny Manziel buying Rogaine: $30
  • Photo of Johnny Manziel at Wimbledon: $100
  • Photo of Johnny Manziel on the set of Sullivan and Son: $80
  • A watercolor painting by Johnny Manziel: $200
  • Photo of Johnny Manziel reading the Wikipedia page for "metaphysical poetry": $200
  • Photo of Johnny Manziel on stage in a lead or supporting role of a Broadway musical: $25
  • Photo of Johnny Manziel circumcising a Filipino baby: $50
  • Photo of Johnny Manziel onstage in a lead or supporting role in Lion King: $10
  • Video of Johnny Manziel introducing Drake at a concert: You have to pay us
  • Video of Johnny Manziel doing the Nae Nae: $325 (PURCHASED)
  • Video of Johnny Manziel discussing Orange is the New Black with his buddies: $75
  • Video of Johnny Manziel winning a championship in something: $10,000
  • Video of Johnny Manziel wearing reading glasses, doing a crossword puzzle in Starbucks while drinking a Teavana Oprah chai tea latte: $45
  • A copy of Johnny Manziel's water bill: $3
  • Video of Johnny Manziel and his friends shouting out answers while watching Jeopardy!, in which Manziel stops to explain to his friends that an answer not shouted out in the form of a question does not count: $42
  • Photo Johnny Manziel in a LeBron Cavs jersey: $75
  • Video of Johnny Manziel getting a good night's rest: $50
  • Video of Johnny Manziel explaining the importance of good tire pressure to a neighborhood teen: $250
  • Photo of Johnny Manziel touring the BuzzFeed offices: $58
  • Photo of Johnny Manziel in a Cardinals jersey: $20
  • Photo of Johnny Manziel in a shirt that says "Sandwich": $100
  • Photo of Johnny Manziel eating thoroughly sauced hot wings and making a mess of himself: $10
  • Video of Johnny Manziel chuckling at a cat joke his Aunt Susan posted on Facebook: $15
  • Photo of Johnny Manziel eating a 7-11 Doritos Loaded: $.75
  • Photo of Johnny Manziel dipping his 7-11 Doritos Loaded into a Slurpee: $25
  • Photo of Johnny Manziel hugging someone: $5 ($18 if hug is unwanted)
  • Video of Johnny Manziel dribbling a soccer ball in a park, looking over both shoulders and then saying, "I'm Lionel Messi!": $30
  • Video of Johnny Manziel trying on a heather grey cardigan at TJ Maxx, deciding it's too flashy: $250
  • Photo of Johnny Manziel trying on Eldridge Cleaver's codpiece pants: $100
  • Video of Johnny Manziel singing "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down" at karaoke: $450
  • Video of Johnny Manziel watching that gross type of porn where people's butts fall out of their butts: $7
  • Video of Johnny Manziel's butt falling out of his butt: market price

*Prices subject to negotiation.