Deadspin: Pittsburgh Penguins

"Somebody Fucking Go": Broadcaster Mocks Dion Phaneuf's Girly Voice When He Thinks He's In Commercial

Barry Petchesky — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 23:30:32 EST

Ray Ferraro called TSN's broadcast of Leafs/Penguins tonight, and as sometimes happens with online streams (in this case, the NHL's GameCenter Live), viewers watching during televised ad breaks were treated to a live mic. And while we've heard announcers swear before, hearing Ferraro take a stab at a high-pitched Dion Phaneuf impression was a new one. More »

Sidney Crosby's Brain Still Hurts

Dom Cosentino — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 15:30:00 EST

Remember when Crosby had to sit for two games because, in the words of Penguins general manager Ray Shero, he "wasn't feeling 100 percent"? That was three weeks and eight games ago. And today, Pens coach Dan Bylsma told the media Crosby continues to experience the symptoms of a concussion, which means there's no telling when he might play again. Bylsma did express optimism that Crosby would not be out for 10 months, which he was after first being sidelined last January. But one still cannot help but wonder. [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette] More »

This Young Penguins Fan Is Devastated By His Parents' Unabashed Support Of The Red Wings

Dylan Murphy — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 09:30:27 EST

Your morning roundup for Dec. 15, the day we learned the hypocrisy of Internet piracy. Video from 96.1 Kiss FM, via Puck Daddy. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors. More »

Sidney Crosby Has To Miss Two Games Because Of This Hit

Dom Cosentino — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 19:05:00 EST

He's been back for just eight games since he ended his 10-month absence because of a concussion, but Sidney Crosby won't play tomorrow in Philly or Saturday at the Islanders, the Penguins have announced. More »

It Took All Of 16 Seconds For Sean Avery To Get Into A Fight With The Penguins

Timothy Burke — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 20:15:26 EST

Calling it a "fight" is a bit misleading—the participants were only assessed two minute roughing minors—but the efficiency by which it was commenced is worth noting, especially since Sean Avery didn't appear to actually start this fight with the Penguins' Tyler Kennedy. (He took a more active part in restarting the bout as soon as he & Kennedy left the penalty box.) This is why we lamented his departure from the Rangers, and why we applaud his return: Sean Avery brings the crazy, and won't make you wait. [MSG] More »

Evgeni Malkin And Sidney Crosby Are: Hairy Guy And Gladiator

Barry Petchesky — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 11:15:07 EDT

Not sure if that's "pimp", or the more general "hirsute man from the 70s." But to echo the comments every Penguins fan, Geno probably should have gone as the Invisible Man: he already has the costume. Meanwhile, someone ask Crosby if he likes gladiator movies. [Twitter] More »

The Caps And Pens Were Acting So Maturely For A While There

Barry Petchesky — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 19:10:00 EDT

Alex Ovechkin—who once did this—called out Arron Asham for his post-fight gestures, so Asham fired back by calling Ovie a "hypocrite." Meanwhile, Brooks Laich wishes brain-addled players like Jay Beagle weren't coddled so much by the NHL's concussion guidelines. The teams don't meet again until December, so hopefully they'll have lots of time to come up with more stupid things to say. More »

Arron Asham And Jay Beagle Give Hockey A Fight To Fight About

Barry Petchesky — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 11:25:00 EDT

All right everyone, we're about to discuss a hockey fight, so I need you to put on your level heads. There's going to be talk of league office discipline, and a bit about the culture of enforcers, and maybe even a mention of concussions. These are topics that cause otherwise normal individuals to lose their minds, so we don't need hotheads, or meatheads, just a level head. Okay? Okay. More »

Here's Your First Bloodied-Face Picture Of The New NHL Season

Brian Hickey — Sun, 09 Oct 2011 12:30:00 EDT

Presenting Tim Jackman, of the Calgary Flames, from last night's season-opener against the Pittsburgh Penguins. Jackman didn't score any points in the Flames's 5-3 loss, but he did serve a two-minute minor for too many men on the ice. H/T to tipster Noah D., who reports "Jackman actually went in for a hit on Arron Asham and got a high-stick to the face. No penalty." Highlight of the hit 10 seconds into this video. More »

The Ups And Downs Of Sidney Crosby's Scrambled Brain

Jack Dickey — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 16:25:59 EDT

Our old friend Katie Baker has published an exhaustive timeline of Penguins superstar Sidney Crosby's concussed 2011 at Grantland.com. Take those things out of your ears and go read it! [Grantland] More »

Well, This Is Ominous Non-News About Sidney Crosby's Brain

Barry Petchesky — Thu, 25 Aug 2011 11:35:00 EDT

The headline on the Penguins' official site, which has some editorial independence but is for all purposes the NHL's Pravda: "Crosby Visits Leading Specialists." More »

Matt Cooke Is Gonna Try Really, Really Hard Not To Be A Cheap-Shot Artist Anymore

Dom Cosentino — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 15:30:00 EDT

As Matt Cooke kept busy last winter by performing his usual song-and-dance of blindside hits and head shots on Penguins opponents, his wife, Michelle, was in the hospital battling a kidney infection. The ordeal, according to the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, was known by his teammates and coaches—and was enough of a distraction that Pens coach Dan Bylsma, "on several occasions, tapped Cooke on the shoulder during a game and asked, 'Are you with us, Matt?'" Though no one—not Bylsma, not Cooke—wanted to make any excuses for Cooke's actions. Nope. No way. More »

Islanders Decide Not To Showcase Bloody Brawl After All

Dom Cosentino — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 14:20:00 EDT

"...the party will go on, but the Islanders and MSG Network have agreed to switch the game to a victory over the Sabres in which Michael Grabner's hat trick goal was the winner." [Sports Illustrated] More »

The New York Islanders Will Have A Party To Celebrate The Bloody Low Point Of Last Season

Jack Dickey — Sun, 14 Aug 2011 16:30:00 EDT

Undeterred by that whole Probably Moving to Kansas City thing, the Islanders are throwing a party at Champions Sports Bar in Uniondale, NY to celebrate the goriest night of last night's hockey season. More »

Jagr To Pittsburgh: Nope

Barry Petchesky — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 11:55:48 EDT

Officially, the record will say the Penguins withdrew their 1-year, $2 million offer to Jaromir Jagr. But it's fairly safe to say that Jagr, who's had the deal in front of him for a few days, made it clear he wanted more. More money? More years? More of a chance at a Cup? More »

Where In The World Is Jaromir Jagr?

Jack Dickey — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 12:30:47 EDT

No one knows where Jaromir Jagr, 39, the once-mulleted, twice-Stanley-Cup-champion is. (Jagr's planning on returning to the NHL after a three-year absence, and his agent told us to expect a decision soon.) But people have theories. More »

Here Are Both Of Last Night's 2OT Cockpunches

Barry Petchesky — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 10:50:00 EDT

Playoff hockey overtime might be the single greatest thing in the sports world — assuming your team isn't involved. Then it's a war of nail-biting, heart-stopping attrition, destined to end in glory and highlight compilations for one side, and wondering why you even bothered staying up late for the other. More »

Sidney Crosby, Rebecca Black, and Parody Videos: Everything We Hate, For A Good Cause

Barry Petchesky — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 11:40:03 EDT

Playoff time means fans making parody videos for their teams. Spring 2011 means that at least two-thirds of those videos will be set to Rebecca Black's Friday. Enter Benstonium's "Crosby." More »

Even The Top Seed In The Playoffs Isn't Good Enough For This Expressive Bulls Fan

Brian Hickey — Sat, 09 Apr 2011 09:30:00 EDT

Your morning roundup for April 9, the day it became painfully evident that knowledge gleaned from the Old Testament and YouTube videos do not a professional at-home circumcisionist make. More »

VCU Has Now Forced Its Unbearable Victory Song Upon Us

Jack Dickey — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 09:30:00 EDT

Your morning roundup for March 30, the day Peter Venkman signed on to play FDR. More »

Matt Cooke Is Suspended 10 Games And The First Playoff Round For His Latest Cheap Shot

Emma Carmichael — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 18:20:00 EDT

It's been just over a month since Matt Cooke's last suspension, so of course he's due for a headshot like this one, which he delivered to Ryan McDonagh in a 5-2 loss to the Rangers last night. Cooke is suspended for the remainder of the season (10 games) and for the first round of the Stanley Cup playoffs (a minimum of four games). He'll also surrender $219,512.20 of his NHL salary for this particular elbow to the face. Ray Shero lends his full PR-laden support to the league's decision — especially, I'm sure, that crucial extra 20 cents. More »

Sidney Crosby's Season Might Or Might Not Be Over

Brian Hickey — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 23:00:00 EST

Two Minutes Of Matt Cooke Cheap Shots

Barry Petchesky — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 16:50:07 EST

He's the kind of player you love if he's on your team. But for the fans of the 29 other fanbases, here's a highlight reel of Cooke's greatest hits to peruse while he sits out the next four games. More »

Penguins Fan Faceplants Onto A Van

Barry Petchesky — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 11:20:00 EST

It's early, but I think this Winter Classic tailgating video will satisfy our "drunken hockey fans injuring themselves" quota for the day. More »

Sidney Crosby Was Concussed, But When?

Barry Petchesky — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 15:00:00 EST

Crosby sat out last night after suffering a concussion from a hit in Wednesday's game. Bad news for the Penguins, but it could be worse news if rumors are true, and he was injured on Sunday, and played with a concussion. More »

Barry Melrose Needs A Beer, And Other Observations From The Behatted And Be-Styxed Winter Classic

Katie Baker — Tue, 04 Jan 2011 18:00:14 EST

Our puckhead has returned from Pittsburgh with inside information on Dan Bylsma's hat, an autographed photo of Styx, and the lasting image of Barry Melrose waiting in beerless frustration at the bar. More »

NHL Winter Classic Report: HOCKEY!

Katie Baker — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 14:10:22 EST

Our puckhead Katie Bakes is dicking around scenic Pittsburgh for the NHL Winter Classic. She has filed the following icy report. More »

I'm Kind Of Starting To Enjoy Sidney Crosby, And Other Random NHL 24/7 Observations

Katie Baker — Thu, 23 Dec 2010 16:45:36 EST

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Last night was the second of four HBO 24/7: Penguins/Capitals: The Road to the Winter Classic episodes. Here, a few thoughts more disjointed than Matt Hendricks's face. More »

Breaking Down The Pens' And Caps' Gameplans, As Captured By 24/7 Cameras

Barry Petchesky — Thu, 16 Dec 2010 15:00:00 EST

Justin Bourne does a bang-up job of analyzing what we (and HBO's cameras) saw on the whiteboards in the Capitals and Penguins' respective locker rooms. More »

Tonight's NHL 24/7 Premiere: "You'll Have To Hide The Kids"

Katie Baker — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 18:25:06 EST

Tonight is the premiere of HBO's straightforwardly-titled series 24/7 Penguins/Capitals: Road to the Winter Classic. Want to know exactly which expletives Bruce Boudreau spat at his Caps during their 7-0 loss to the Rangers on Sunday? Now you will. More »

Even Back Hair Performance Art Couldn't Save Appalachian State Football

Brian Hickey — Sun, 12 Dec 2010 09:00:00 EST

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day. More »

Sidney Crosby And NHL Special Treatment: Much A-Slew About Nothing?

Barry Petchesky — Tue, 30 Nov 2010 11:30:00 EST

Last night, Ryan Callahan and Sidney Crosby were jostling for position. Crosby appeared to kick Callahan's skate out from under him. That's called a slew foot, and it's illegal. Callahan was called for interference. More »

NYC Already Planning Yankees World Series Parade

Brian Hickey — Sat, 09 Oct 2010 09:00:00 EDT

Indoor Plumbing Comes To Pittsburgh

Barry Petchesky — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 13:15:22 EDT

Oh good, the "lets flush all 552 toilets at the Penguins' new arena and hope the place doesn't blow up" test was a success. Apparently, the septic system tanked a few seasons in a row to get the top new equipment. [Post-Gazette] More »

Pittsburgh Seeks Brave, Able-Bodied Young People For Controlled Toilet Flushing

David Matthews — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 19:00:00 EDT

Are you over 18 and a fan of coordinated, group activities? The Pittsburgh Penguins would like 250 "students" to flush all the toilets at the newly constructed Consol Energy Center. In other news, Western Pennsylvania now runs on toilet news. More »

The Pittsburgh Ownership War Heats Up

Barry Petchesky — Thu, 20 May 2010 12:40:00 EDT

Pirates owner Bob Nutting is still bitter over the Penguins' ownership group's attempt to buy the Bucs. When the Pirates fired back with a petty, "objective" column (on a team-run site) trashing the Pens for this season's failure, it ignited a firestorm. More »

Why Won't You Die, Montreal?

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 12 May 2010 22:20:16 EDT

For the second time in two rounds, the eighth-seeded Canadiens have won a Game 7, on the road, knocking off both the President's Trophy winner and the defending champs. Obviously, we'll have to kill them in our dreams. More »

Private Stache: A New Feature In Which We Revisit The Unintentionally Hilarious Sports Photography Of Yore

Andy Gray — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 14:15:36 EDT

As keeper of Sports Illustrated's indispensable Vault, Andy Gray spends a lot of his time sifting through the sports photography of another time, when athletes wore short shorts and facial hair, and everyone looked vaguely uncomfortable. Here is one such photo. More »

Dear Pittsburgh: It's Just Hockey

Barry Petchesky — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 16:50:00 EDT

Police say a Penguins fan killed his wife and burned down his house after an argument over staying up late to watch yesterday's 3OT game. So that's Pascal Leclaire's first playoff start, and first accessory to murder charge. [WPXI] More »

The Biggest Supporters Around

David Matthews — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 18:45:00 EDT

To conclude one of the boobsiest days in Deadspin history, here's this picture of some strategically placed fans/cameramen at last night's Thunder-Jazz and Penguins-Capitals trackmeets. Mutton wins again. H/t Eric and Patrick. More »