San Diego State's Stephen Strasburg is now 9-0 with a 1.54 ERA after a 14-strikeout, seven-inning 4-3 win over No. 16 Texas Christian Friday night. Projected to the the No. 1 overall pick in the draft, it seems his only drawback is the constant smell of sulphur whenever he's around (that would be Scott Boras).

From the gaggle of radar-touting scouts, to San Diego State president Stephen Weber, to former NFL MVP Brian Sipe, to basketball coach Steve Fisher, to national-TV announcers, to a trio of national sportswriters, everyone, it seems, was in the record crowd of 3,072 at Tony Gwynn Stadium to see Stephen Strasburg.

My favorite Strasburg fact is this: He chose to attend San Diego State, where both his parents went, even though he was recruited by Stanford, Yale and Harvard. Now that takes brains.

The Strasburg Watch: 9-0, 1.54 ERA [NBC Sports]
Strasburg Puts On A Show For Record Crowd [North County Times]

It was a standoff between the director and the NBA superstar, says the Post, and Lee completely capitulated. And there's even a cameo by Stephen A. Smith (in the story, not the documentary). Oh hell, I haven't seen it; maybe he's in both.

Lee, said the Post, had spent months putting together the documentary, Kobe Doin' Work, which premiered at the Tribeca Film Festival on Saturday and will be shown again on May 16 on ESPN. Lee had flown to Los Angeles, and had 30 cameras in place for the April 13, 2008, Lakers game against the San Antonio Spurs.

But suddenly Bryant said he wouldn't cooperate unless he was granted creative control, sources said. Lee tried several times to call Bryant, who wouldn't accept his calls. So Lee, at the suggestion of ESPN broadcaster Stephen A. Smith, drove to Bryant's house in a gated community, where Bryant refused to see him, sources said.

"It went so far that Lee had a last-minute plan to substitute Spurs star Tim Duncan for Kobe and make the whole documentary about Duncan," said our source.

But Kobe and Spike somehow worked it out, and Lee is being a good soldier promoting the Kobe picture, which screened Saturday night at the Tribeca Film Festival.

"Spike Lee completely yielded," said one insider. "And at the start of the film, when Kobe arrives at the Staples Center and sees Spike with the camera, he gives him a big smile and thumbs up, showing he knows he won the battle."

Lee's representatives have denied this, it should be pointed out. But a few who have seen it are less than impressed; it apparently looks like a documentary that's been taken over and gutted.

Kobe Bryant Called Shots On Spike Lee Film [New York Post]
Exclusive Preview Of The Spike Lee Documentary On Kobe Bryant [BSO]
Tribeca 2009: Kobe Doin' Work [Reel Talk]

Well, that's it for me, folks; I'm out of this man's army. All good things must come to an end, and for me, Deadspin has been the best of all possible things. Today is my last day in these hallowed halls. In a way it feels like the last day of high school; saying goodbye to old friends, reliving treasured memories, and filling a large duffle bag with office supplies and pilfered yearbook money.

I've had so many great times here, it's hard to know where to begin. Thanks to Friends of Barbaro, to Ned, to Wizard Cat, Mike Cooper, Barry Bonds, Nightmare Ant, Blowie, Keggy the Keg, the Stanford Tree, Deadspin commenters, Mel Brooks, the Preakness Port-A-John jumping guy (he flew too close to the sun on wings of Fail), and many, many others; too numerous to mention in this humble space. I'm taking some time off, and then I may be back around these Internets somewhere, or maybe not. The exact details are shrouded in mystery. If you happen to see me and my lovely new bride, Susan Boyle, wave and say hello. But do not attempt to approach us.

If you'd care to stay in touch, I welcome your missives at RickChand@gmail.com.

So as I scribble this final goodbye in your yearbook, please know that I love you all, and sorry I took up the entire page. I close by giving you the Tralfamadorian greeting: Hello. Farewell. Hello. Farewell. Eternally connected, eternally embracing. Hello. Fare ... hey, who took my wallet?!

Phillipsburg won, 27-12, in a rematch of the 1993 game that ended in a 7-7 tie. As we can see by the photo, the game had Gatorade's corporate fingerprints all over it — which kind of detracted from the charm — but it was a success nonetheless. The game drew 13,350 at Lafayette College's Fisher Stadium in Pennsylvania, with your honorary coaches Peyton and Eli Manning, whose actual functions were not clear. But the players and fans seemed to have a good time.

"It feels like you're back in high school again," Courtney Samra said. "The guys have been so pumped up for this. They can't sleep. ... They're acting 16 again, all of them."

Peyton Manning was impressed.

"You can tell how important football is around here," he said. "There's no question about that. To have this kind of crowd for a reunion game 15 years later, it tells you that football is important year-round. That's the kind of town you want to play in."

Among the players were two cancer survivors, a guy who lost 57 pounds and another who discovered a serious leg disorder during a physical to get cleared for the game. His leg is now on the road to being healed. Gatorade is planning to make the game an annual event, searching the nation for other old high school rivals who want to settle old scores. This will not really pique my interest until they replay a game from the 1950s. You think you're better than me?

Here we go.

Unfinished Business: Phillipsburg-Easton Replay 1993 Football Clash That Ended In A Tie [The Star Legder]
Easton Vs. Phillipsburg [OnTheScene]

Just how did Crabtree fall into Mike Singletary's lap at No. 10, when Mel Kiper and the ESPN Super Friends had him locked in as a Top 5 pick?

Factor No. 1: Al Davis, still quite insane. Still living in some bizarre, Austin Powers 1960s world where the Fred Biletnikoff Award is given to the actual Fred Biletnikoff, Davis passed on Crabtree and instead used the Raiders' hard-earned No. 7 pick on something called a Darrius Heyward-Bey. The Maryland receiver, North America's fastest land mammal, is proof that Tom Cable is no more in charge than any of his predecessors. Davis thinks the West Coast Offense is for pantywaists and doily enthusiasts, and that will never change. He wants to stretch the field, the Raider way. Hey, why mess with a philosophy that's worked only sporadically since 1985?

Factor No. 2: Crabtree is, evidentally, a dick. From Tony Grossi's blog in the Cleveland Plain Dealer:

The Texas Tech receiver brought a diva attitude on his visit to the club facility last week and did not impress coach Eric Mangini and others, the source said. In fact, Crabtree was described by some in the building as "not nice."

Not nice? Oh heavens, I do believe I've got the vapors. You Browns fans be sure to pick some nice wildflowers to give to Brady Quinn before each home game this year.

Factor No. 3: His foot sets off airport metal detectors. OK, this may be a legitimate concern. Crabtree was found to have a stress fracture in his left foot at the scouting combine in February. The injury was surgically repaired when a screw was inserted to permanently strengthen the area on March 4. He has been cleared to run and is expected to be back to full strength by the start of training camp. Of Crabtree's speed, Singletary said: "I don't know how fast he is. I just know when he catches the ball, there's separation there." The Rams passed on Crabtree at No. 2, even though they needed a receiver, and that may have been why. Or perhaps they suck.

Anyway, Crabtree's father, also named Michael, is not amused.

"It's their loss," he said of the Raiders. "It was the same way with Adrian Peterson (No. 7 overall to the Vikings in 2007). He proved them wrong. It's Michael's time to prove them wrong."

So, Michael Crabtree: The next Jerry Rice or JJ Stokes? If it's the latter, you can be assured that he'll be on my fantasy team..

The Case For Darrius-Heyward Bey [SFGate]
Davis Draft Doctrine Lords Over Selections [San Francisco Chronicle]
Crabtree Says He's 'Still The Top Receiver' Despite Slide To No. 10 [USA Today]

The Denver Broncos will be rolling out their original, orange-and-brown "French's Mustard" uniforms, circa 1960, as part of the NFL's celebration of the 50th anniversary of the AFL this season. All eight original AFL teams will wear replicas of their first uniforms for two games this season, both home and away.

The first Broncos uniforms were so despised that the players actually burned them in a bonfire at the conclusion of the season; well, the socks anyway. It's called by many the worst uniform in football history, and joins the San Diego Padres' early 1980s Ray Kroc baseball unis in the Hall of Brown and Gold Fail.

Wait, is that Josh McDaniels holding up a Jay Cutler jersey? I believe so.

The eight former AFL teams unveiled those uniforms – including Broncos coach Josh McDaniels awkwardly holding up a Jay Cutler jersey in the team's original brown and gold colors — during a Tuesday morning press conference at the NFL's Annual Meeting in Dana Point, Calif.

But one thing that flew under the radar is that the referees assigned to those games also will sport some old-school AFL threads — including the classic orange-striped shirt. Can you imagine how great Ed Hochuli's guns will look in orange?

Celebrating The 50th With Original Uniforms [Broncos.com]
Broncos Infamous 'Gold' Duds Making A Comeback [Denver Post]

The man who many thought would drive pitchers crazy and draw walks with the frequency of Barry Bonds ended the spring with the following numbers: 0-for-3 with three strikeouts and one walk.

Like Flood, I blame the umpires.

"One of the pitches was definitely a strike, but none of the others were," said Flood, who felt like umpires could not correctly call his strike zone during the spring. "Obviously, someone needs to void their paychecks."

Video of Flood's historic first at-bat here. The Lollipop Guild is appealing the decision.

Rev's Experiment With 3-foot-2 Flood Ends [York Daily Record]
Now Batting: A 3-Foot-2 Walk-Drawing Machine [Sports by Brooks]
York Revolution [Official Site]

From USA Today:

Update: NFL commissioner Roger Goodell rejected the idea of having a Super Bowl overseas in a meeting with the Associated Press Sports Editors today. "We have never looked at London or Mexico City as a site," Goodell said. His remarks contradict the story the BBC ran earlier.

Please note the "USA" in USA Today, where we get our facts straight and don't go off on crazy midday caffeine tea-and-biscuit highs, reporting whatever we dreamed the night before after watching Eastenders.

Hmm, that may have been a little harsh. Anyway, you don't have to worry for at least four more years — the next three Super Bowls are in Miami in 2010, Dallas in 2011 and Indianapolis in 2012. And I have high hopes for Fresno is 2013.

Of course, these could be mind games by Goodell, who has a history floating this London/Super Bowl story from time to time. I suppose he gets a big kick out of people's reactions. Kind of like all those times you get high and tell the people in the room "Hey man, wouldn't it be cool if they played the World Series in Kansas City?"

NFL Has Had 'Substansive' Talks About Holding Super Bowl In London [USA Today]

Bradley, who was benched on Wednesday by Cubs manager Lou Piniella until he's completely healthy, did a little venting on Thursday after a 7-1 home loss to the Reds. Chief complaint: The media is treating him unfairly.

"It's been frustrating," Bradley said after Thursday's game. "You come in here and all they want to talk about is how often you get hurt and your attitude and everything. I've given them an example right off the bat. I just don't feel like getting caught up in all the negativity.

"I'm a positive person, an upbeat person," he said. "I'm trying to focus on what I'm trying to do here. My teammates are behind me and the more reporters get in my face, the more I talk, the more things get written the way I don't say them or they're taken out of context, and that's when you lose teammates and you lose fans."

Of course it's hard to take Bradley seriously when he makes a big deal about being a changed man who is too mature now to lose his temper, and his very first game back he gets ejected for blowing his top over a called strike. Still, it's the media's fault.

On Thursday, after the Cubs lost 7-1 to the Cincinnati Reds, reporters tried to ask Bradley a question but he chose not to answer.

"When I turn around and people are standing at my locker every time, I'm trying to figure out why, because I've already told them I don't want to talk," Bradley said. "That's the only thing — I never had a problem with the media until I started reading stuff that wasn't what I said.

"I never had a problem in my life until I started playing baseball," he said. "All of a sudden, there are all these things. I just want to be me. I just want to be that guy who plays baseball and enjoys his teammates and has a good time. That's what I do."

Hey, I thought you weren't talking.

OK, starting NOW.

Bradley also feels that his two-game suspension and fine for slight contact with plate umpire Larry Vanover on Thursday "was kind of harsh," and will appeal. Even though the suspension starts Saturday, and he wouldn't have played this weekend against the Cardinals anyway.

Out Until Healthy, Bradley Adjusting [MLB.com]
Milton Bradley Breaks Silence After 7-1 Loss [Chicago Tribune]

The 1993 winner of the "Fork of the Delaware" trophy will finally be decided this weekend (fortunately I still have my ticket) when the original players from Phillipsburg High School and Easton Area High School meet to hash out their 16-year-old, 7-7 tie. In Pennsylvania they're calling it the Sister-Kissing Game, and copious amounts of heat balm, knee braces and, let's face it, crutches, are being shipped in for Sunday's showdown at Lafayette College's Fisher Stadium in Easton, Pa.

Gatorade, the sports beverage company, announced that it was organizing a replay: the same players, same coaches and the same field. NFL stars Peyton and Eli Manning will serve as honorary coaches for the rival teams. Ten thousand tickets to the game were sold in 90 minutes.

"Typically, you don't get second chances in life. And to get this kind of second chance means the world to both sides of the river," Smith said.

The Phillipsburg-Easton game has been played annually on Thanksgiving Day each year since 1906, making it one of the most enduring high school football rivalries in the nation.

"I didn't want it to end like that," said Bruce Lebitz (above, left), a linebacker for Phillipsburg's '93 team who actually lost 60 pounds for Sunday's game. "This is something that can change my life in more than one way."

Reno Hightower approves.

'Sister-Kissing' Gridiron Rivals To Settle 1993 Score [CNN]

As far as I can determine, the videos below were made by Verona, Pennsylvania native Gavin Jenkins, who teaches English at a middle school in Shenzhen, China, where he's been living for about a year. Much of his teaching plan revolves around sports, which is always fun. It's all undoubtedly part of a bigger plan: When our financial overlords eventually come here and put us to work in their sugar mines, they'll have to know how to speak our language. What better source for that than Wilbon and Kornheiser on Pardon the Interruption?

Also entertaining: Chinese PTI with girls. But for more advanced students, there's the class on NHL trash talking.

It's the sign of a highly advanced educational system when your midterm final includes the sentence: "Flyers fans have the IQ of sweet potatoes."

Chinese Students Learn English Imitating PTI [NESW Sports]
Chinese PTI (Part I) [Douchebagabroad]

All hail the Purple Power mouth guard, developed by a dentist in Nova Scotia and embraced by Byrnes, Dustin Pedroia, Manny Ramirez and Ryan Howard, among others. Byrnes, in the Arizona Republic:

"I originally started wearing it because our trainers thought it could possibly help my hamstring," the Diamondbacks outfielder said.

Get this man a chart of the human body, stat.

But Mad Scientist Anil Makkar, inventor of the device, swears it's true:

"The jaw joint is actually the focus of power in the body because that is the most used joint in the whole body," Makkar said. "So what we're basically doing is trying to find the most comfortable position of that lower jaw. ... It relaxes all the muscles in the face and allows you (to) use more of your upper and lower body strength."

And just listen to this testimonial by the Diamondbacks' Mark Reynolds:

"It's supposed to line your jaw up and help you breathe and a bunch of shit," the third baseman said.

You going to try it out?

"No."

I think we all know that this will never really catch on until Alyssa Milano starts using one.

Byrnes On Growing List Using Mouthguards [Arizona Republic]

After Greg Goloborodko, a 25-year-old Ohio State student, threw the offending cephalopod during the playoff game on Tuesday at Nationwide Arena, he was subdued by a combination of Blue Jackets fans and security and immediately hauled before the Great and Powerful Gary Bettman. From the Columbus Post-Dispatch:

Goloborodko said he was detained by arena security, threatened by angry Jackets fans and enjoyed a chance encounter with NHL commissioner Gary Bettman before being escorted from the building.

"As I was being held downstairs, Gary Bettman and his security guys walked by," Goloborodko said. "Like any good hockey fan, I recognized my commissioner and yelled out, ‘Hey, Commissioner.' "I heard Bettman say, ‘I'm not happy about this one bit.' I don't know if he was responding to me or talking about something else."

Other fun facts: The octopus weighed 2 1/2 pounds, and sailed an estimated 60 feet over the barrier and onto the ice. Goloborodko named it Homer, in honor of forward Tomas Holmstrom. It's his fourth career octopus throw.

"I had a nice wind up and the little guy just flew," Goloborodko said.

Elsewhere in Nationwide Arena, Blue Jackets fans pounced on a fan in a Red Wings' No. 91 Sergei Fedorov jersey before he could heave an octopus.

Ejected For Tossing An Octopus On Enemy Ice, Wings Fan Tells His Tale [Columbus Dispatch]

On Tuesday Mackenzie Brown became the first girl to throw a perfect game in Bayonne Little League history. Her reward? Today she gets to pitch for the New York Mets. She'll throw out the first pitch before the Mets take on the Washington Nationals at CitiField — finally Jerry Manuel has a reliable starter — as part of a whirlwind publicity tour that has included newspaper and TV interviews and a mention on SportsCenter.

From the Star Ledger of New Jersey:

Norman Brown expressed countless thanks to a mysterious voice on the other end of his cell phone. He then snapped it shut and turned to his 12-year-old daughter, Mackenzie.

"Yo dawg," he said, thrusting his arms in her direction, "you're throwing out the first pitch at the Mets game on Saturday!"

Brown retired all 18 batters she faced on Tuesday, striking out 12; including the last six of the game in succession. This season is her baseball swan song, however.

When her Little League career ends at the conclusion of this season, she will make the switch to softball. She has enjoyed her heyday playing ball with the boys but has aspirations of a chance to play college sports — either in softball or basketball, in which she's a highly touted point guard.

The Nationals, of course, are also thankful that she's only throwing one pitch today.

Bayonne Girl's Perfect Game Gains National Recognition [Star-Ledger]
12-Year Old Girl Pitches Perfect Game Against Boys, Opposing Players Blame Cooties [Sportress]

"The Troubles" date to 2007, when Chamberlain and Boston's Kevin Youkilis first came to loggerheads late in the season when Chamberlain threw behind Youkilis' head twice in one game. Then last July, the feud gloriously reignited. So Ortiz — shown here with Chamberlain during an appearance on CNBC's Closing Bell during the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas in January of '08 — has decided to ramp up tensions by scolding Chamberlain before the teams even meet.

As we all know, calling people out for past misdeeds is the best way to avoid trouble. Ortiz talked to reporters on Wednesday between games of a doubleheader with the Twins.

"None of that, man — just play the game the way it's supposed to be, and that's about it," Ortiz said, referring to Chamberlain. "This is a guy, as good as he is, the next step for him will be to earn respect from everybody in the league. He's not a bad guy, but when things like that happen, people get the wrong idea."

Wait. Closing Bell? What?

Hey, but if you're a Red Sox fan, who cares about all of that. Kason Gabbard is back! He was acquired from the Rangers and was assigned to Class AAA Pawtucket, where he ... um, wait, why's he in Toronto still playing for the Rangers? What's going on?

Big Papi To Joba: Don't Throw At Us [New York Post]
That's Rich! David Ortiz Gripes About Joba Chamberlain Going After Kevin Youkilis [Subway Squawkers]
Identity Crisis For Newcomer O'Day [MLB.com]

Here are four of the six candidates — there's also a bird and a dog — from which to choose in the poll at the Red Storm athletic site. The winner will replace Thunder, who was humanely destroyed in the recent past; himself replacing the Red Tuxedo Guy, and before that Chief Blackjack, who reigned until they switched over from the Redmen to the Red Storm in 1994. Anyone I'm missing?

Clearly what's needed here is an unofficial student mascot, as seen to hilarious effect at Dartmouth. Get on that, kids.

Perhaps they should just let Lance Stephenson pick the mascot.

St. John's Mascot Search [Red Storm Sports]

From The Wall Street Journal:

The black sports undergarment that Brandi Chastain famously exposed to the world after a game-winning goal in the 1999 World Cup had been taken into custody by U.S. bankruptcy court. To secure its release from a storage facility in Newark, N.J., Ms. Chastain would have to pay $250 — plus shipping. "Thank goodness I have another one," she jokes.

Several celebrity sports items were grabbed in the bankruptcy case, among them Tony Hawk's childhood skateboard and Richard Petty's sunglasses. They had all been on loan to New York's Sports Museum of America, which recently declared Chapter 7 bankruptcy. If the celebrities don't claim them, they'll be auctioned. Hawk is not amused. And he ain't getting his board back like this.

My Sports Bra Is Where, Exactly? [The Wall Street Journal]

And of course as all such things generally do, the entire controversy ended up with a totally gratuitous shot at the soccer team.

Head coach Lance Leipold said no one from the student-run newspaper could call anyone associated with the football program unless he approved. And he said student journalists will not be allowed to answer questions from student reporters during the 2009 season.

"The door is shut," Leipold said. "Go cover soccer. I have (head coach) Greg Henschel's number. I'm sure that will be fun."

Poor Greg. How did he get dragged into this?

The paper, the Royal Purple, had a better quote however.

Leipold was angered over former sports editor Michael Daly's editorial, titled "Spoiled athletes need reality check."

"This is [expletive deleted] bullshit," Leipold said. "It's going to be a bitch to try to cover football next season."

But wait a minute: If Leipold cut off all access, how did the Royal Purple get that quote? And isn't "bullshit" an expletive?

This much is known, however: The offending editorial, headlined "Spoiled athletes need reality check", detailed an incident in which three football players tried to work out at a campus facility without showing their student IDs. The Warhawks, which play in Div. III, have won or shared the Wisconsin Intercollegiate Athletic Association title each of the past four seasons.

UPDATE: Leipold has apologized to the newspaper after an apparent upbraiding by the athletic director. All is forgiven, and access has been restored.

Meanwhile, student journalism felt the sting of rebuke yet again as the Texas Christian media relations department banned broadcast journalism major Brian Smith from using their camera equipment. The edict came down after Smith criticized TCU starting quarterback Andy Dalton in an "On Campus Cam" video report.

Football Coach Bans Royal Purple From Covering Team [The Royal Purple]
Whitewater Football Coach Bans Student Reporters [Milwaukee Journal Sentinal]
TCU Bans Student Reporter For Criticizing Quarterback [The Wiz Of Odds]

I'm waiting for the day when a player jumps to pro basketball from the eighth grade, but for now we have Tyler, who's going pro before his junior prom. They grow up so fast. It's the first time an American basketball player has jumped to the pros before finishing high school. And what does Tyler's father think? Surely he'll stop this madness!

"It's just the old way of doing things and no one wants to swallow the pill of change. Basketball is an American sport and they want the kids to go through the channels. And I think there is so much money generated in collegiate sports that they don't want that interrupted. It's a double standard."

Tyler, who averaged 27 points per game his junior year at San Diego High School, had verbally committed to Louisville. But instead he'll play two years in Europe — most likely in Spain — get his high school GED on the Internet, and then enter the NBA draft. Coincidentally that was also my plan after my junior year, except that I was also going to be a British secret agent and/or a supermodel swimsuit photographer. Where did it all go wrong?

Tyler just wasn't looking forward to his senior year of high school.

"It was boring and I wasn't getting better," Tyler said. "Each game was the same thing. I was getting triple-teamed and getting hacked. After each game I'd have scratches and bruises up and down my arms from getting triple-teamed. It just wasn't for me."

But think of all that he'll miss. No Senior Cut Day, no scavenger hunt, no doing donuts in the parking lot on graduation day, no filling the language art teacher's car with fresh sod from the football field and rolling it into a creek (that last one may only apply to me).

Basketball Prospect Leaving High School To Play In Europe [New York Times]
Jeremy Tyler Goes Pro Before His Junior Prom [Money Players]

We all know that scenes such as this are due to the corporate ticket speculators going bust in a reeling economy. What executive whose company has received TARP money wants to be caught in $2,500 seats at a baseball game?

But even venerable, utensil-banging superfan Freddie Sez is feeling the corporate crunch. From the New York Post:

In years past Schuman, who like Yogi Berra turns 84 next month, received free season tickets from sponsors such as Modell's, or was simply let through the press gate with a wink from a stadium official. On Opening Day he had no trouble getting into the new ballpark for free through the press gate, but on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday he had to depend on the kindness of fellow Yankee fans for free seats.

"The Yankees say I am a part of the stadium. What part am I, the toilet bowl?" Schuman said. "But the fans have come through. They gave me $40, and even $100 tickets."

To be fair, the Yankees say all of that was a "miscommunication," and that they will accommodate Freddie in the future. We pretty much know the fate of the TARP fan: The economy will eventually improve, and those big-ticket seats will fill up. But what about the blue collar guy? The Yankees have already announced that they're planning on increasing ticket prices again next season. Have we seen the end of the common fan? From now on it's suits and ties in the stadium, and guys like this consigned to the parking lot.

The Embarrassment Of The Rich [It's About The Money Stupid]
Yankees 'Mascot' Forced To Beg For Tickets [New York Post]
Yankees Plan To Raise Premium Ticket Prices In 2010. Really [Mouthpiece Sports]

The 100-year-old retired lawyer will assume bat boy duties at Fenway in Boston's game against the Yankees. And it's not like he doesn't have experience: He had been a bat boy for the Boston Braves in 1922 and '23.

Giddon was born in 1909, and to give you a taste of the kind of baseball carbon dating I'm talking about, the Pittsburgh Pirates won the National League pennant that year. Coming in fifth place: The Brooklyn Superbas.

Also born in 1909: Mel Ott.

"I'm fighting macular degeneration," Giddon confided, "but I can still enjoy watching a game because I recognize the shape of Big Papi (David Ortiz [stats]), and Kevin Youkilis [stats] is easy to spot by the way he bats, jumping up and down."

"I have a lifetime of memories, but they're all fading fast," he said. "Yet my baseball memories have lasted. Did I tell you I met Ted Williams in ‘39, when he was a rookie? I used to see him walking around Kenmore Square. He seemed like kind of a lonesome guy, so I said ‘Hi' a few times, but he never had much to say."

Photo: NBC Connecticut.

Red Sox Grant Wish To 100-Year-Old Birthday Boy [NPR]
Red Sox Fan, 100, Has Lifetime Of Memories, Ready To Make More [Boston Herald]

The Normal Whatevers will commence play in 2010, and they're asking fans to go on over to their site and vote for a team name. The options: Normal Nutz (Beer Nuts brand is based in Bloomington); Normal NightHawks; Normal Coal Bears; Normal CornBelters (um ... no). Sorry, "Detasselers" was not a choice.

The third option of course is a rather naked attempt to get mentioned on The Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert's political satire funhouse which often veers into sports-related territory. Not long ago, the Saginaw Spirit of the Ontario Hockey League named their mascot Steagle Colbeagle the Eagle, which Colbert has mentioned on his show more than once.

Of course, people should be aware that Colbert, a Charleston S.C. native, is a passionate fan of the Charleston RiverDogs, which may preclude any Normal minor league baseball bonding.

Update: There may be voting shenanigans! Oh no!

We Live For Minor League Nickname Contests [Bus League Baseball]
Normal Professional Baseball [Official Site]
How Normal Baseball Screwed Stephen Colbert [Normal Baseball.com]

You may recall that Carrie Prejean of San Diego caused a bit of a tempest with her Miss USA beauty pageant comments on gay marriage. The bible-thumping may have cost her the crown, but it hasn't scared off Phelps, who is reportedly "casually dating" miss Prejean.

Her grandmother Jeanette Coppolla confirmed to RadarOnline.com exclusively that the beauty queen has been casually dating Olympian Michael Phelps. "Carrie and Michael have been out to baseball games and lunch," Coppolla said. "He always calls her when he is in town and they go out. Carrie knows that he has dated a lot of girls but she enjoys going out with him and isn't serious about being in a relationship with him," she added. "He's a nice guy and she likes him."

I can picture them at lunch; her laughing as she flips chunks of mackerel into his open mouth, him tenderly reading her passages from the Defense of Marriages Act. Sorry, was that mean?

Miss California Dating Michael Phelps [Radar]
Miss California 'Casually Dating' Michael Phelps [USA Today]

Curry was interviewed on Sirius satellite radio on Tuesday and said that he would accept sign a deal worth less than $30 million, which is what last year's top pick, Jake Long, got. That amount is also what Georgia quarterback Matthew Stafford is expected to demand if he is chosen by the Lions. "I'd be more than happy to accept that deal," Curry said.

I've actually been able to exchange text messages with Mr. Mayhew himself, just discussing the whole situation," Curry said. "He gave me some birthday wishes on my birthday and we talked about just how things would be if me, (and Lions linebackers) Ernie Sims and Julian Peterson were together in one room, just to be able to go out there and wreak havoc. "I told him I look forward to talking to him very soon."

But Stafford did not sit idly by while Curry was sweetening the pot. Stafford said on Tuesday that if the Lions picked him, he would throw in his Chevy Tahoe as a trade-in.

Lions: 'Very Good Chance' Top Pick Signs Before Draft [Detroit Free Press]
Aaron Curry Willing To Accept Below-Market Deal To Be Lions' No. 1 Pick [USA Today]
Matthew Stafford Ready To Trade In Chevy Tahoe [Detroit News]

That's just one of the modest nuggets from "American Icon," the new Clemens book by New York Daily News editor Teri Thompson and reporters Nathaniel Vinton and Michael O'Keeffe. The book claims to "brush back" the former Yankees hurler with details on his steroid use and other shenanigans. Excerpts of the book are available today at SI.com.

When the investigators questioned Jose Canseco in April 2008, they pressed the scandal-stained slugger about a passage in his 2005 book "Juiced" that claimed Clemens never cheated on his wife. The feds, according to a source, told Canseco they were aware of apartments in more than a dozen major league cities that Clemens kept to rendezvous with girlfriends.

And of course we can never get enough news about Clemens' ass.

Even to a former New York City cop, the question was jarring. "Can you help me?" Roger Clemens asked. "I can't inject in my booty."

The trainer, who had come to baseball from the NYPD, was slumped in his own stall. Why, he wondered, was arguably the greatest pitcher of his era asking for help in sticking a hypodermic needle in his ass?

One thing I didn't know: McNamee, a former cop, was one of the officers dispatched to the scene of a 1991 accident in which Conor Clapton, the 4 1/2-year-old son of Eric Clapton, was killed after falling out the window of a fourth-story Manhattan apartment.

So, let the guessing game begin. In which AL cities did Clemens not have a pad? I've got dibs on Oakland.

Ex-Yankees Ace Roger Clemens Brushed Back In Book 'American Icon' By News' Sports I-Team [New York Daily News]
Fall From Grace [SI.com]

In an interview with Sportsradio 104.3 FM in Denver recently, Daly touched on a myraid of subjects, including his new memorabilia-sold-from-a-bus business. But the interesting part was on Reilly, who "caddied" for Daly and wrote about it in his book. Now granted, Daly probably does so much crazy shit that it's hard to keep track. But he claims that Reilly used quotes from him that were expressly off the record. Bad columnist! Bad!

"Well, I was a little mad at Rick for writing some of the stuff he wrote about my ex-girlfriend and stuff, because I knew – you put Jack, Arnold and all these great, great guys who set records none of us will ever be able to accomplish – and you put in there about my you-know-what – just the unzipped part, Rick told me it was off the record, and I got a little upset with him over that, because there are going to be kids reading that. And we were just talking driving down the road, and I said, "Listen you're not putting this in the book," and he said, "No, this is all about caddying for you on that day," and I said, "Cause you got some pretty big names in there," and he put it in the book."

Yes, won't someone think of the kids?

I hear that there is actually a chapter in the book entitled "Daly Unzipped," in which Reilly refers to the golfer's penis as "supersized." Now available in paperback.

John Daly Talks About His Masters Sale, Rick Reilly And Golf Being ‘Buttoned Down' [Sports Radio Interviews]

Never say that Sacramento teens are not interested in speaking out on important issues. Casa Roble High School students were out in force over the weekend protesting for the return of their cheer coach, who was outed by members of the squad who had been disciplined for skipping practice. (Also please notice possibly the greatest headline ever written). But Carlie Christine — real name Carlie Beck — seems to have come out none the worse for wear in the controversy. Who would have thought that Playboy would have noticed the publicity this was getting and seized the opportunity to promote their site? Weird.

As part of her duties as Cyber Girl of the Month, Christine made a video in which she explains the whole mess, and invites those who got her fired to kiss her centerfold. Well, in a Miss America hope-for-world-peace kind of way.

"I was definitely very upset when I was terminated from my position," Christine said. "I loved my job there, I loved working with these girls. It was very unfortunate that the district decided to terminate me from my position.

"I have received an overwhelming amount of support both from people involved with Playboy as well as people who have never looked at Playboy before. Because of this support, I have decided to stay on board with Playboy, and I am happy to announce that I will be their Cyber Girl of the Month for June."

Here's the video. The link is safe for work, but further links from that page are not, in case you need that spelled out.

My question on the photo above: Where are the boys? At my high school there would have been a riot.

Cyber Girl Carlie Christine Gets Fired Up [Playboy]
Protesters Support Naked Coach [First Coast News]
Fired Cheerleading Coach Carlie Christine Says She'll Pose For Playboy Again As June Cyber Girl [Examiner]

But this being the Mets, the solution will be more complicated than necessary. The section of wall on which the autograph is written will be removed, placed under Plexiglas and relocated to a different part of the stadium. On Sunday team public relations representative Jay Horowitz had said that Gooden's signature — which was scrawled on a wall near the Ebbets Club restaurant at the behest of an employee — was to be painted over. But that was before Mets fans got wind of it and started complaining. And due to recent occurrences in the NL East standings, these people are ill-tempered to begin with.

"We've listened to our fans on this," Horwitz said. "The last thing we want is for them or Doc to be upset. We just didn't want everyone to think it was OK to start writing on walls all over the stadium."

He added that the Mets plan to procure similar autographs from other popular ex-Mets such as Tom Seaver, Darryl Strawberry, Mike Piazza and Mookie Wilson and display them around the concourse.

Of course NY Daily News commenters are receiving the news with joy and aplomb.

• This is the most ridiculous organization in NY. I thought Dolan was bad. Everything they touch turns to cr@p. I just wish I hadn't become a fan when I was young, because no matter what I have to root for these guys. — jesuswalks Apr 21, 2009 10:59:16 AM

• I have a question, why the green seats? Who's idea was that? why not blue like one of the met colors. — yanksin08 Apr 21, 2009 11:12:34 AM

• The Wilpons are p.i.s.s.i.n.g me off with this disconnect with fans and team. I don't know what else to call it. — The Masked Marauder Apr 21, 2009 11:25:22 AM

• This just in....Wilpons are pressing charges against Doc Gooden for Grafitti. His tagging the citifield wall is a parole violation. — kingbenny on Apr 21, 2009 10:44 AM

Write On! Mets Decide Not To Erase Doc Gooden's Name At Citi Field [New York Daily News]
Dopey Mets WantTo Erase Dwight's Citi Autograph [New York Post]

Gooden signed his name to a blank spot on a wall near one of the restaurants inside the stadium last week, at the behest of a restaurant employee. But the former Mets pitcher was later informed by stadium officials that his graffiti would be erased. He is not pleased.

"One of the guys that worked there asked me to sign one of the walls, so I did it. It wasn't like I was walking around with a sharpie in my pocket," Gooden told the Daily News on Monday. "They asked me to sign the wall as a favor, as something for the fans to see. I was in there watching batting practice and they had fans taking pictures with me by my signature and I thought it was a fun idea."

Said the Mets:

"It's a brand new building, whether it's Doc or any other player, it wasn't meant to write all over the walls," public relations director Jay Horwitz said. "We are going to do things to celebrate our history, but this wasn't the right way to get that started. If we allow this precedent, people will be writing all over the stadium."

Also, please wipe your feet before entering CitiField. And for God's sake, haven't you ever heard of a coaster?

Over Signature Scrub, Dwight Gooden Wonders If Mets Want Him At Citi Field [New York Daily News]