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It’s very likely that you haven’t thought about pocket-sized sports bloviator Mike Lupica in quite some time, but you should know that he is still on his grind, producing columns for Sports on Earth. You should also know that his headlines are incredible.

The headlines on Lupica’s column often resemble a kind of abstract poetry, in that they are jarring, lazily allusive, and hard to make sense of. Bizarrely, his Sports on Earth author page only extends back for about a month, but there are some real gems in that span. Here now is a ranking of recent Lupica headlines:

11.

10.

9.

8.

7.

6.

5.

4.

3.

2.

1.

H/t to Sean Newell