Deadspin: Roger Clemens

Roger Clemens Handed Out Some Souvenirs At His Trial

Barry Petchesky — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 15:35:57 EDT

It's been a month since a mistrial was declared in Roger Clemens' perjury case, and yet the misconduct just won't end. A group of court security guards are under investigation for accepting signed baseballs from Clemens, which is not a thing that is ok. More »

Despite Jeff Novitzky's Life's Work, Cheating At Sports Is Still Not A Crime

Barry Petchesky — Thu, 14 Jul 2011 15:20:15 EDT

Jeff Novitzki was an IRS agent. Not an avenging angel sent from above, nor an earthly crusader for all that is good and pure in America, but a bureaucrat. Somewhere along the way he got it into his mind that it was his job and his job alone (and his only job) to eradicate the peril of steroids in sports. He's with the FDA now, but he continues his myopic, monomaniacal quest to bring down the users. More »

And Here's How The Clemens Case Might Did End In A Mistrial On Day Two (UPDATE: Mistrial!)

Barry Petchesky — Thu, 14 Jul 2011 11:33:43 EDT

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The NY Daily News is all over this one, as things change by the minute. More »

Supreme Court Wisely Declines To Hear Roger Clemens' Dumbass Appeal

Jack Dickey — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 13:10:00 EDT

Reassuring news out of DC today: the US Supreme Court—which hears less than one percent of the cases appealed there anyway—has declined to hear Roger Clemens' appeal re: his silly defamation case against former trainer Brian McNamee. Many moons ago, Clemens sued McNamee after he dished on Clemens' steroid use to SI, but a Texas court said it had no jurisdiction on comments made in New York. The Supreme Court won't change that ruling. More »

Roger Clemens, Mike Piazza Make Nice

Mon, 04 Apr 2011 16:55:00 EDT

Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: everyone is old and mellow and past the bat-throwing incident. More »

The Novitzky Scalps

Tommy Craggs — Thu, 20 Jan 2011 14:24:00 EST

Barry Bonds: Charged with four counts of perjury and one count of obstruction of justice for telling a federal grand jury he never knowingly used steroids. The substance he's accused of taking, The Clear, was neither illegal nor specifically banned by baseball at the time of his testimony. Trial is scheduled to begin March 21, at which time prosecutors will probably have to concede they don't have shit. More »

Roger Clemens Appears Dopey, Unconcerned In Mug Shot

Barry Petchesky — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 18:05:00 EDT

Floral tie, frosted tips and rakish grin? Someone just pleaded not guilty to six counts of perjury! [The Smoking Gun] More »

Private Stache: Roger Clemens Gets Intimate With Old Bush, For Once

Andy Gray — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 16:15:08 EDT

As keeper of Sports Illustrated's indispensable Vault, Andy Gray spends a lot of his time sifting through the sports photography of another time, when athletes wore short shorts and facial hair, and everyone looked vaguely uncomfortable. Here is one such photo. More »

All The News That's Fit To Analogize Ridiculously To Food

Tommy Craggs — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 13:40:23 EDT

Your food metaphor of the day, courtesy The New York Times: "We all know the cliché that a prosecuting attorney can persuade a grand jury to indict a ham sandwich, but Clemens — and Barry Bonds, with his trial scheduled for next March — are not mere ham sandwiches but rather the prime beef of baseball." More »

Clemens Fires Back; Are Tweets Under Oath?

Barry Petchesky — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 17:40:36 EDT

The Rocket, responding to his indictment on perjury charges: "I never took HGH or Steroids. And I did not lie to Congress. I look forward to challenging the Governments accusations, and hope people will keep an open mind until trial." [Twitter] More »

Roger Clemens To Be Charged With Lying To Congress About Scary, Scary Drugs

Tommy Craggs — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 13:35:17 EDT

The feds, basking in the glow of their wildly successful perjury prosecution of Barry Bonds, will reportedly indict Roger Clemens on charges that he made false statements to Congress about his PED use. [NYT] More »

Roger Clemens Is The One Guy Jose Canseco Won't Rat Out

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 10:00:09 EDT

Jose Canseco told a grand jury that he never saw Roger Clemens use steroids....and he sees everything. I forget if Canseco is the "lone honest human" or "embarrassment to humanity" this month. [Daily News] More »

All Of Roger Clemens' Physical Gifts Can Be Purchased In This Mystery Discount Box

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 18 May 2010 07:00:25 EDT

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day. More »

Mindy McCready's Forbidden, Goofy Love For Roger Clemens

A.J. Daulerio — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 16:45:29 EDT

Her lawyers say she was too whacked out to realize she signed-off on "Baseball Mistress (NSFW)", but, nonetheless, I still find her woozy interview about her puppy love with Roger Clemens mesmerizing. More »

PETA Capitalizes On Clemens's Failure To Launch

Barry Petchesky — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 12:50:00 EDT

PETA suggests that Roger Clemens's rumored performance issues are due to his carnivorous diet. Wonder if the grand jury will buy that one. [PETA via copyranter] More »

Does Roger Clemens Look Like A Man Who Can't Please A Lady In Bed?

A.J. Daulerio — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 10:00:03 EDT

According to his former cuckoo mistress, Mindy McReady, The Rocket had some problems satisfying her in the bedroom. Even when she was 15? [Fox411] More »

Roger Clemens Suit Against Brian McNamee Dismissed

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 09:30:23 EDT

A Texas judge dismissed Clemens' defamation lawsuit against his former trainer Brian McNamee, but McNamee's defamation suit against Clemens will continue in New York. Does anyone even remember what these two lovebirds are fighting about? [Daily News] More »

The Sports News On A Sportsless Day

Barry Petchesky — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 06:30:00 EDT

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day. More »

Roger Clemens Answers Questions From A Curious Houston Fan Base

A.J. Daulerio — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 16:27:42 EDT

Upholding a promise he made in May, Roger Clemens answered questions from Houstonist readers about his "situation." He seems in good spirits. Oh, and he signs off with "Peace In the Middle East." Like Diddy. [Houstonist] More »

Financial Scammer Robs NHL Players To Throw Raunchy Parties For MLB Greats (And Joe Morgan)

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 09:30:30 EDT

There are many tales of financial woe to emerge from our economic meltdown, but few are more bizarre than the developer who bilked NHL players out of millions of dollars—only to lavish it on ex-baseball players? More »

Even Brian McNamee Has Become A Pro At Saying Nothing

A.J. Daulerio — Thu, 14 May 2009 08:45:59 EDT

Clemens' former trainer/abscess-causer gives a fresh "no comment." Also? A crazy fan had McNamee's autograph tattooed on his arm.[NYDN] More »

Roger Clemens Will Win Back America One E-mail At A Time

A.J. Daulerio — Wed, 13 May 2009 17:45:16 EDT

It appears Roger Clemens wants to reach out and have an e-mail chat with some of the skeptical, heartbroken Astros fans. Where will he conduct this revealing online q-and-a session? Houstonist. com, of course. More »

Roger Clemens Interview Captivates A Deeply Engaged ESPN Sports Nation

A.J. Daulerio — Tue, 12 May 2009 13:45:01 EDT

Actually....not so much. [Sean B. Fitzgerald] More »

Roger Clemens (And Gene Grabowski) Try To Get This Crazy Train Back On Track

A.J. Daulerio — Tue, 12 May 2009 10:00:08 EDT

Roger Clemens emerged after a year of hibernation to appear on the "Mike and Mike" show to defend himself against some of the latest allegations about his steroid use. He didn't do so hot. More »

Clemens To Appear On "Mike And Mike" Tomorrow For A Friendly Chat About Selena Roberts

A.J. Daulerio — Mon, 11 May 2009 16:50:24 EDT

ESPN will announce that Roger Clemens is scheduled to be on tomorrow's "Mike and Mike" (around 8:25 a.m.) to, presumably, compare Selena Roberts' fact-finding ability to other author's works. It should be enlightening. More »

How Clemens' Retirement May Have Single-Handedly Sunk The Housing Market

Rick Chandler — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 19:00:09 EDT

At this rate there are going to be more books on Roger Clemens than on Abraham Lincoln ... and why not? Lincoln never kept apartments in 12 different cities for all of his women. More »

Cito Gaston Would Like To Get A Few Things Off Of His Chest

A.J. Daulerio — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 15:45:12 EDT

Unlike many others hiding behind anonymity, Blue Jays manager Cito Gaston will come right out and say how he really feels about Roger Clemens. Get your pens ready, scribes, and print this: "He's an asshole." More »

Now Seems Like A Perfect Time For Roger Clemens To Bring Back The Highlights

A.J. Daulerio — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 18:45:12 EDT

This is from an email that was forwarded to us this afternoon that was supposedly taken in a Houston hair salon while Roger Clemens had his highlights touched-up. More »

Book Excerpts That Don't Suck: "The Rocket That Fell To Earth"

A.J. Daulerio — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 12:00:25 EDT

Jeff Pearlman's "The Rocket That Fell To Earth" comes out today. It's an unflinching look at how Roger Clemens became one of the most dominating pitchers before and after his alleged steroid use. More »

Roger Clemens Will Be Ready To Pitch...Right After His Sadomasochistic Rubdown

A.J. Daulerio — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 13:40:08 EST

New excerpts from Torre's "The Yankee Years" (insert Tom Verducci yelling "It's not a memoir!" right here) have surfaced. One anecdote tells us how Roger Clemens achieved that anguished look on his face while he pitched. More »

George W. Bush Leaves Office Without Helping Roger Clemens

A.J. Daulerio — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 10:15:31 EST

No pardon for The Rocket. Clemens adds W. to list of "dushbags" out to get him. [NYDN] More »

Kirk Radomski Has No Doubt That Roger Clemens Is Lying Through His Pustules

A.J. Daulerio — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 13:45:59 EST

Kirk Radomski's new book "Bases Loaded" is about his life as a high-end dope dealer for major league players. A large chunk of his promotional tour appears to be knee-capping Roger Clemens. More »

The Year In...Sexual Trysts

A.J. Daulerio — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 10:30:59 EST

So, the next few days will be chock full of end-of-year retrospectives. We'll do our own as well. Today: Road beef, etc. More »

The Year In...Dushdom

A.J. Daulerio — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 13:15:29 EST

So, the next few days will be chock full of end-of-year retrospectives. We'll do our own as well. Today: Dushbag central. More »

Did Mindy McCready Attempt Suicide This Morning?

Rick Chandler — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 17:15:56 EST

Not the feel-good story of the holidays: Singer Mindy McCready, forever linked to Roger Clemens following reports of an affair between the two, was hospitalized in an apparent suicide attempt the morning, according to a police spokeswoman. More »

SHOTY Elite Eight: Roger Clemens Vs. Isiah Thomas

Will Leitch — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 11:30:46 EST

All right, all the votes have been tallied, and we have our final eight. More »

SHOTY First Round: Roger Clemens Vs. Vince Young

Will Leitch — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 11:00:39 EST

It's the day before Thanksgiving, and it's difficult to imagine much that would be more enjoyable than voting in the 2008 Deadspin Sportshuman Of The Year tournament. Like you're doing any work today anyway. In fact, you're probably not even in the office right now. Are you reading this from the future? More »

Mindy McCready Did Not Have Sex With Roger Clemens When She Was 15. Gawd

Rick Chandler — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 12:30:51 EST

The latest chapter in the saga of Roger "I'm certainly not an unfaithful, fib-telling douche" Clemens and Mindy "In no way am I any kind of a golddigging publicity whore" McCready unfolded on Monday on the TV show Inside Edition. For one thing, our aspiring country & western diva says that there was no humpty-hump occurring between the two when she was 15. So put that right out of your head. More »

A Former Yankee Hero Suffers Existential Crisis at His Waterlogged House in Texas During Emotional Stadium Ceremony

A.J. Daulerio — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 10:45:41 EDT

Roger Clemens lets out a heavy sigh and struggles to keep the tears from glistening on his face . He sits in his spacious home in a hurricane-ravaged area of Texas, watching the final game at Yankee Stadium, hoping his years of pin-striped service are recognized. But what of the other sinners? Knoblauch? Pettitte? Giambi? All mentioned. All cheered. Not Roger, though. He's a true pariah, he thought. The wife and mother-in-law squeeze the sad man's large hand, as he anxiously watches, waiting for something — anything — from the Yankee organization that has seemingly forgotten him. They're saving me until last, he thinks. Maybe they'll surprise me with a phone call and let me say goodbye to the Bronx one last time? He pictured it: his voice over the loudspeaker shaking the old concrete stadium, the noisy, appreciative crowd drowning out most of his speech. "We still love you Rah-ger!", a little girl shouts from the upper deck. He waits. No phone call. Where is Suzyn Waldman now? Suzyn? Are you there? More »

Koby Clemens Proves His Worthiness As Rightful Heir To Dushbag Throne

A.J. Daulerio — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 09:15:55 EDT

Koby Clemens, the squatty-looking 21-year-old catcher and son of Roger Clemens found himself in a little bit of legal trouble over the weekend when he and two of his minor league teammates were arrested after a disturbance outside of Mac and Bob's ("Best Salem area Restaurant 2004" ) early Sunday morning. Clemens, plus Mark Ori and Jimmy Goethals of the single-A Salem Avalanche (part of the Astros' minor league system) were briefly placed in a Roanoke County jail and charged with disorderly conduct (Goethals was also slapped with assault and battery) after police were called to the parking lot of the family restaurant. The details about "the disturbance" are vague and the Astros are holding off on disciplinary action against the players until after their court date, which is scheduled for today. More »