Deadspin: Sad Whimsy

Matt Kemp Encapsulates McCourt Era In Well-Meaning 20-Second Video

Jack Dickey — Tue, 07 Jun 2011 23:00:00 EDT

"We want more fans." Also, money. More »

This Is The Saddest Image To Come Out Of The Sad WNBA Draft

Emma Carmichael — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 18:00:00 EDT

The 2011 WNBA draft, held at 3 p.m. on a Monday, is now wrapping up. No shockers here: the Minnesota Lynx selected UConn's Maya Moore (projected during the draft to be the league MVP) with the first pick, 6'8" Australian Elizabeth Cambage was second overall and will play for Tulsa, and Courtney Vandersloot went to Chicago with the third pick. View the rest of the picks here, or just giggle a little bit with us at this view of ESPN's "Family & Friends Room" in Bristol, which may have worse ambiance than the continental breakfast room at your local Best Western and less space than Lynn Hoppes's office down the hall. More »

These People At The Bruce Pearl Rally Are Now Unwitting Internet Heroes

A.J. Daulerio — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 12:50:00 EDT

Oh dear. Rocky Top Talk took one of the first photos of these Pearl supporters who showed up with their mullets and that sign to his rally, which is just the perfect sendoff to a coach whose legacy will be forever tarnished. Like a dimond. (H/T Twitterverse) More »

It's Perfectly Acceptable To Shoot Heroin On The New York City Subway Again

A.J. Daulerio — Fri, 28 Jan 2011 17:55:00 EST

Junkies rejoice. Watch Jesus' son put a spike into his vein as a transfixed F-train passenger films the whole process for his own amusement. [AnimalNY] More »

Hacked Comment Questions: Come Here, Speak Up

A.J. Daulerio — Mon, 13 Dec 2010 13:30:00 EST

Some of you have emailed or g-chatted with concerns that the system still won't enable you to change your passwords. This, I am told, is being investigated by the brave Tech Team. Go to Gizmodo for updates on most questions. More »

A Brief List Of Terrible Things That Recently Happened To Joggers

Tommy Craggs — Thu, 09 Dec 2010 15:50:38 EST

Via Runner's World: They've been hit by buckshot; shot by hunters; shot in the foot; attacked by pitbulls, packs of dogs, owls, men, and union members; run down by Cadillacs and struck by RAV 4s; finding dead bodies; and Kim Kardashian. [RWDaily] More »

Half-Headed Man Takes World's Most Bizarre Mugshot

Barry Petchesky — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 13:35:00 EST

There's clearly something off with this man's skull. As the profile shot reveals, it's that he's missing most of it. More »

You, Dim PR Person, Are Dumb And Should Be Fired, Part 5: Salisbury Edition

A.J. Daulerio — Fri, 05 Nov 2010 14:15:00 EDT

PR people are dumb. Not all of them, just some of them. Like this thoughtful individual repping "Voice America Radio" who forwarded us (and many, many sports-affiliated sites) this update on their new client — Sean Salisbury. Sigh. More »

Florida Man Has Scarred Elderly Couple For Life Because He Keeps Fucking Their Horses

A.J. Daulerio — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 15:15:00 EDT

Best line from this fascinating news report via WCTV comes courtesy of Priscilla McDearmid: "I don't even like to have the dog out at night lately because we don't know if that man is standing over there in the corner somewhere watching." More »

What Would Happen If You Drank 13 Beers While Running The San Francisco Half-Marathon?

A.J. Daulerio — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 16:40:00 EDT

Everything you'd expect, really: puking, dizziness, drunk-plus-runner's-high euphoria, disgusted stares from onlookers. But this young man did it. Why? BECAUSE HE THOUGHT HE COULD. [Exercising While Intoxicated] More »

Cleveland Fans React With Usual Grace And Tact

Barry Petchesky — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 15:00:00 EDT

The message boards at CavFanatic, the largest Cavaliers fansite, are currently an apocalyptic wasteland, where not even hope will sprout through the salted earth. Here are some of the best comments, helpfully sorted into three categories: More »

Dress Your Athletes In Cornrows And Denim

Katie Baker — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 16:00:56 EDT

Bring back all your most deeply repressed memories with this slideshow of 50 Worst Athlete Style Fails. Dwight Howard in wideleg manpris! Brett Favre rocking "Caesar bangs"! Somewhere, a Nehru jacket-clad Craig Sager shrugs, unimpressed. [Complex.com; D-League Digest] More »

Tonya Harding Sex Fantasy Page Still Surprisingly Active

A.J. Daulerio — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 13:50:00 EDT

Here's an unwelcome departure from refuckingallignment and World Cup news: Tonya Harding, disgraced former figure skater, still has fans. Horny fans, actually, who not-so-eloquently fantasize about "karate fucking" her and other disturbing coital activities. More »

Weightlifter Pukes Attempting 1,000-lb Squat

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 00:35:39 EDT

This man didn't successfully squat 1,008 pounds, but he did manage to vomit all over the judge before passing out. (Great job by the spotter at the end, btw.) Did I mention it was projectile vomiting? [LastAngryFan via WindyCitizen] More »

And Now Your Zen-Like Moment From Will Leitch's Wedding Weekend

A.J. Daulerio — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 18:30:00 EDT

This horrifying exhibition of dance moves to "Cupid Shuffle" was perpetrated by Emeritus at his post-rehearsal dinner fete and not at Blogs With Balls. Even the whitest of rhythmless white people might find this unsettling. More »

After Seeing This Promo Pitch, Who Wouldn't Want To Go On A Cruise With Rick Dempsey?

A.J. Daulerio — Wed, 26 May 2010 10:50:30 EDT

Walkoff Walk discovered this gem of a YouTube video where one cadence-challenged pitchman tries to sell this Rick Dempsey (himself!) luxury cruise. You will. Talk like. This. All day. [WalkoffWalk] More »

Just Because: Video Of Justin Bieber Walking Into A Glass Door

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 21 May 2010 00:30:32 EDT

I would ask how seeing this makes you feel, however, I'm guessing there are not a lot of 14-year-old girls reading this website right now, so I think I have my answer. [YouTube] More »

This Is What Happens When You Do Ecstasy At Home By Yourself In Your Underwear

A.J. Daulerio — Wed, 19 May 2010 13:35:37 EDT

He actually took a sedative to calm himself down a bit. Then, of course, he strips and dances around with a pacifier in his mouth. Because it's rave or die time, I assume. Mesmerizing. [ViaAlexBlagg'sTwitter] More »

Yes, The "N" In ESPN Looks Like Boba Fett

A.J. Daulerio — Wed, 19 May 2010 11:20:49 EDT

You can now impress every PTI-obsessed stormtrooper at the next sporty Star Wars gathering you attend. Those exist, right? [TheDailyWhat] More »

Texas Speedway Honors 87-Year-Old Benefactor By Killing Him In Fiery Crash

Barry Petchesky — Tue, 18 May 2010 17:25:00 EDT

The WWII vet was honored — for "a lifetime of blood donations" — with a ride at Texas Motor Speedway when his car plowed into the wall, killing him. How will they honor him for his organ donations? [AP] More »

Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians: Will Leitch Edition

A.J. Daulerio — Thu, 13 May 2010 19:15:04 EDT

The floppy-haired hero from the hardscrabble streets of Mattoon, Ill. received a king's welcome at Busch Stadium and got the old pre-game treatment from the local Fox affiliate.For some reason he chose to wear Annie Leibovitz's eyeglasses. More »

Today In Bullshit Excuses: Ben Roethlisberger's Anti-Social Behavior Caused By Concussions

A.J. Daulerio — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 11:40:41 EDT

"It's conceivable to think that there is a possibility that those concussions have led to some behavioral issues. The question I pose is simple: Can someone with several chronic or repetitive head injuries later display behavior that is socially undesirable? [PittsburghTribune/SBB] More »

LA Angels Witness NYC Suicide Jumper: "Weaver Actually Saw Him Splat"

A.J. Daulerio — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 16:05:57 EDT

That quote is from Angels' pitcher Matt Palmer, as he described how he and starter Jared Weaver were crossing the street when a 39-year-old man jumped off 42nd floor of Le Parker Meridien in Midtown this morning. [NYDN] More »

This Is Why You Don't Bring Wayward Dogs Into Minor League Ballparks

A.J. Daulerio — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 12:25:35 EDT

Last week, the Northwest Arkansas Naturals held an "Iams Adopt-a-Pet" promotion night and one excited pooch took that opportunity to crap all over the Royals Double-A affiliate. [YouTube] More »

The Boston Red Sox Will Brand Your Baby

Katie Baker — Sat, 10 Apr 2010 14:36:34 EDT

"Every baby" born at Boston's Beth Israel will be indoctrinated into Red Sox Nation, whether you like it or not. The "Red Sox Babies" package includes hat, tote, and a lifetime of insufferability. [Beth Israel, "Benbino" pic via] More »

How Will Joe Biden Manage to Offend Soccer Fans Everywhere?

Katie Baker — Sat, 10 Apr 2010 10:26:30 EDT

Joe Biden will participate in the "first kick ceremonies" tonight to welcome Major League Soccer's newest team to America's angriest city. How will he bungle this particular public appearance? Here, a few ideas. More »

This Is How People Disappoint You

A.J. Daulerio — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 23:05:35 EDT

So I made an agreement with someone and then they failed to follow through on a promise and now we're left with this big mess here that is quite awkward and sad and, well, that's it. Anyway, here's this. More »

Even The Washington Nationals' Ticket Website Knows They're Crap

A.J. Daulerio — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 12:50:36 EDT

Those plucky Washington Nationals are poised to surprise the National League East this year so buy your tickets now...right after you type "democratic diarrhea" into the box below. [WashingtonNationals] (H/T Reader Alex W.) More »

Erin Andrews And Her Dancing With The Stars Dude Are "Maybe" Dating

A.J. Daulerio — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 13:05:30 EDT

Dancing With The Stars Dude Are "Maybe" Dating" alt="Click here to read Erin Andrews And Her Dancing With The Stars Dude Are "Maybe" Dating" src="http://cache.deadspin.com/assets/images/11/2012/01/small_9c96716f63ed5f5ed7625380a67f4fdd.jpg"/>

This is according to Maksim "Maks" Chmerkovskiy, who sarcastically told Bonnie Fuller's website last week that he and the Sideline Princess could be more than just reality show cha cha partners. They do seem cuddly. More »

Sports Website With Silly Name Makes Cameo On "Southland"

A.J. Daulerio — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 17:47:42 EDT

No, it's nowhere near as great as the "You're With Me Leather" spot on Las Vegas from a couple years ago, but it is always flattering to be parodied. Watch the clip after the jump. More »

Baby (Joe) Mauer Gets No Trade Clause From Seattle Family

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 14:20:19 EDT

In the grand tradition of parents naming their kids after sports heroes they can't possibly live up to—and then dressing them up in silly costumes—we proudly present Baby Joe Mauer. More »

Potential Train Wreck Alert: Mike Tyson Gets Reality Show

David Matthews — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 18:20:55 EDT

Mike Tyson is coming to Animal Planet. Tentatively titled Take on Tyson, the show will "pit Tyson and his birds against the best racing-pigeon owners in New York." Can it possibly top this? [NY Post] More »

Minnesota HS Hockey Player Wipes Out On TV, Guarantees Himself Brief Viral Infamy

David Matthews — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 14:00:40 EST

Here's poor Zach Van Orsdel, an Alexandria defenseman playing in the Minnesota state championship, introducing himself to the television audience by doing the sort of thing that makes us all glad we're no longer in high school. [Puck Daddy] More »

Corey Haim, Dead; Bill Simmons Mourns

A.J. Daulerio — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 12:10:27 EST

Excpect 5,000 words on how Haim's death is comparable to River Phoenix's by 5 p.m. [SportsGuy33] More »

Oprah Winfrey Mistakes Drew Brees' Birthmark For Lipstick

A.J. Daulerio — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 14:42:12 EST

"Who just kissed you?" she asked. "God," he should have said, before punching her. [Sporting Blog] More »

The 2010 Cubs Look Promising And Open To Sexual Experimentation

A.J. Daulerio — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 13:00:27 EST

The Maple Street Press is certainly setting expectations for the Cubs extremely high this year. [ChicagoNow] More »

When You Don't Need To Read Past The Headline

Barry Petchesky — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 13:30:00 EST

"Gay, Mentally Challenged Biracial Male Cheerleader Claims Discrimination." I gotta be honest, I don't feel completely right throwing this piece of meat to you commenter dogs. Be kind. [Seattle Weekly] More »

Alabama Fax Machine Replaces Memphis Door As Inanimate Symbol Of Existential Dread

Tommy Craggs — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 10:05:08 EST

On this National Signing Day, Alabama is offering a live video feed of a fax machine. The machine periodically spits out a piece of paper. A name goes up on a board. Nothing to be done. [CBSSports.com, via Bourbon Boys] More »

Boston Fans Perfect The Art Of Self Parody

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 16:00:31 EST

This custom Beruit table perfectly crystallizes the essence of why the stereotypical Boston sports fan is so universally loathed. Naturally, the stereotypical Boston sports fan who created it could not be prouder. [BarstoolSports] More »

Dear God, Make Me A Bi-Plane, So I Can Fly Farve, Far Far Away From Here

Katie Baker — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 14:04:40 EST

These "Airplanes (Bi-Plane) Handcrafted of Bud Light Limited Edition Viking Cans" will fly you to just within miles of your destination before getting intercepted in mid-air. Cash Only! [Craigslist, via] More »