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Stand down, Edwin-Jackson-to-the-Nats. Relax, Broxton-to-the-Royals and Madson-to-the-Reds. We have a new steal in an offseason filled with ridiculous splurges (C.J.-Wilson-to-the-Angels, Pujols-to-the-Angels, Reyes-to-the-Marlins, Heath-Bell-to-the-Marlins) and not too many bargains. The Seattle Mariners just signed longtime Dodger Hong-Chih Kuo. More »
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The Tampa Bay Rays just traded for Mariners reliever Josh Lueke, a righty who's undervalued because he dodged a rape charge a few years back. Our resident Rays fan, Mobutu Sese Seko, is not pleased. TB brass is advised to read his debunking of the various pro-Lueke factions sooner rather than later. [Mr. Destructo] More »
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Police said Halman, a Dutch native who played in 44 games in the last two seasons for Seattle, was found bleeding from a stab wound this morning inside a home in Rotterdam. Attempts to resuscitate him failed. His brother Jason, 22, was at the house and was arrested by police. Gregory Halman was 24 years old. More »
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Forcing rookies to dress in costume is an MLB tradition that's as childish as it is time-honored. A gloriously dumb reminder that most baseball players are manchildren, forever stuck in high school. We are too; it's a major reason baseball players are perhaps easier to connect with than athletes in any other sport. More »
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Buhner, the goateed outfielder-turned-occasional-broadcaster for Mariners games, did little more than deploy a little hopeful homerism here. But he timed it perfectly. More »
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This is a beautiful story of modern reconciliation. Last night, Toronto's Brandon Morrow hit Mariner Casper Wells with a pitch. The outfielder was forced to sit out the remainder of the game, which deprived him of the chance to extend his home run streak to five straight games. More »
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Have we not yet learned our lesson, America? Is Bartman's ultimate cautionary tale still not enough? Let the players make their plays. Even if you happen to look eerily similar to one of them. More »
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Rick Kaminski, a 67-year-old man who provided a memorable part of the baseball experience to crowds at the Kingdome and Safeco Field in Seattle, died of complications from a brain aneurysm yesterday. He was known as "Rick the Peanut Guy," and he'll be missed. More »
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Two surefire Hall of Famers played in the Bronx last night. One is having the worst season of his career at 37 years old, hitting nearly 60 points off his lifetime average, and still getting paid $17 million. The other one is Derek Jeter. More »
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One day, many centuries from now and possibly never, the world will have had enough of the "Thriller" renditions, and they will cease to delight us all. Today is not that day. There's a good chance that this particular take, which was shot during a game at Safeco Field last week, was a Mariners PR plant and that we are their idiots, but we do not care. This kid deserves his own statue. More »
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Do it geographically. Had to split up that raging Orioles/Nationals rivalry, but this is the easiest way to go. Oh, and I had to move the Mariners to Oklahoma City. I hope that doesn't bother anyone. More »
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The Seattle Mariners are hosting the Rays on Friday evening, and because they already had a bobblehead night for Felix Hernandez, they have no choice but to start honoring local grunge rockers. Friday night is Mike McCready night at Safeco Field, which also happens to overlap with a benefit night for the Crohn's & Colitis Foundation of America. Nothing like a McCready national anthem and reminders about crippling intestinal disorders to excite a crowd about baseball. More »
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Not one, not two, not three, but four enterprising and besotted Seattleites decided to run on the field in a single game this weekend. One even took the streaking part literally. (Warning: video provides copious-yet-blurry shots of bare man-ass, and the towel does eventually fall off.) And once again, Jon Bois has plotted their trajectories, probed their strategies, and gone deep inside their twisted mindsets. [SB Nation] More »
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On a night when Chone Figgins lowered the price of Widmer beer at one Seattle bar to $1.97 (0-5 in the Mariners win over the Yankees), a streaker was the third of four fans to run on the field. He apparently took a shine to Derek Jeter in the eighth inning but the shortstop declined his advances. For now. More »
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Seattle Mariners third baseman Chone Figgins is currently batting .202 on the season. Hitting a notable .087 this past week, manager Eric Wedge sat Chone on the bench for last night's game against the Yankees. There's chatter of moving him down in the lineup; like No. 9 down. More »
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Oh god, that's awful, I'm sorry. Let's try this again. More »
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That's Detroit's Ryan Raburn with the Cansecoesque slap assist on Miguel Olivo's fly ball to left. Ryan, you have joined the immortals. [MLB.com] More »
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At least Franklin Gutierrez now knows what caused all of his stomach problems for nearly a full year. Gutierrez visited the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota earlier this week, where he was diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome as the cause of his stomach issues that first popped up last summer. More »
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Fun stuff from tonight's Rangers-Mariners telecast—good, old-fashioned Texan chivalry. More »
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Niehaus called the first pitch in Mariners history in 1977 — a strike by Diego Segui — and continued calling until their final game of the 2010 season. He died of a heart attack in his Bellevue home Wednesday afternoon. More »
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By popular demand, here are those MLB documents as PDF files: Pittsburgh Pirates; Pirates again; Florida Marlins; Tampa Bay Rays; Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim; and Seattle Mariners. The Rangers' Excel files can be downloaded here and here. Enjoy. More »
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You've seen the first round of financial statements. Now take a look inside the Mariners' books.
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Great timing, Mariners. You promise fans "a fun-filled night of Japanese culture," and hours before first pitch you ax Don Wakamatsu, the majors' first Japanese-American manager. To make amends, Chone Figgins will be performing seppuku before tonight's game. [Mariners.com] More »
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Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day. More »
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Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day. More »
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I've fielded kyuu or juu tips-emails about this video of Blossoming Young Lady Giddying Up After Ichiro Elbows Her Face, Caresses Her Outer Thigh. More »
]]> http://deadspin.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5584254&view=rss&microfeed=true In the eighth inning last night, Russell Branyan hit a chopper down the line that rolled into foul territory and was picked up by a teenager—preventing Ichiro from tying the game. Watch the young man's excitement turn to horror. [MLB.com] More »
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Nothing like a 7-year-old Internet meme to show the kids you're hip, right Seattle? What's next, redirecting the team site to Last Measure? (Note: don't go to Last Measure.) More »
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The Mariners have finally informed Ken Griffey Jr. that he retired from baseball nine months ago. Your lamentations of lost youth just excused themselves to send a wistful email to your yearnings for childlike wonder. [ESPN] More »
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Last weekend, the Padres and Mariners faced off at Safeco Field. San Diego took two of three, and one fellow on the wrong end of a bet produced this oddly whisper-filled love letter to the Padres. H/T Theodore Donald Kerabatsos. More »
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Guess whose fault it was that published reports said Ken Griffey Jr. was asleep in the clubhouse during a game? Well, if you ask the Mariners, it was anyone's fault but Griffey's. More »
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On Sunday, the Mariners will institute "peanut-free" seating, for fans with the common allergy. Fans allergic to offense will also be accommodated. [Post-Intelligencer] More »
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Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day. More »
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The Mariners closer has allegedly taken a nude photo of himself and sent it to someone via cell phone, and now one enterprising individual wants to find it a suitable home. More »
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The newest Mariner is very sorry for his two consecutive Spring Training ejections. Just kidding! He says he'll never change, and that the umpires are out to get him. [Seattle Times] More »
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Will Leitch will be previewing/musing on every baseball team each weekday until the start of the season. You can pre-order his book and follow him on Twitter. Today: The Seattle Mariners. More »
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When police responded to calls of a possible suicidal person, the Mariners bullpen coach and former closer came out with his hands in the air, telling them he "needed help." More to follow as we get it. [KTVT] More »
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Journeyman everything Mike Blowers spent 11 years in the majors, but he should've spent that time in Vegas instead because the guy is scary good at predicting the outcome of baseball games—right down to the pitch counts. More »
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Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to tips@deadspin.com. Subject: Morning crap. More »
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