No, not the players. The players were cool. The whole audience was ejected. It's the kind of unprecedented tomfoolery that can happen only in West Burlington, Iowa.

Up 11-3, Winfield-Mount Union's manager Scott McCarty was fuming over a fair-foul call in the fifth inning. One thing led to another, people said words they weren't proud of, and umpire Don Briggs decided to toss the entire cranky crowd of about 100. When people wouldn't leave, he called the police to assist in the dispersal of the whinin' Iowans.

"I know it sounds like I'm the bad guy - but it was the crowd," Briggs said. "If I got the control to ask one person to leave, I feel like I can ask them all to leave."

Remember, Winfield-Mount Union was up 11-3 at this point.

After a long delay, the superintendent made a housecall to the ballpark and convinced the umpire to ease up, man, it's just a baseball game. After the delay, West Burlington made a fantastic two-inning rally, scoring nine runs to win 12-11.

So let this be your lesson, Scott McCarty. When you have a comfortable lead, don't change the complexion of the game by arguing a call with an eight-run lead, cause a community stir that brings the freakin' superintendent to the premises, then have your team watch the instructional video Poppin' Flies With Luis Castillo.

High school umpire tells entire crowd: You're out! [Des Moines Register]

But Alex Rodriguez's pop up was handled ... poorly. The dropsy enabled A-Rod to pull off the rare walk off pop fly against the Mets, 9-8. And you really have to feel for the guy, because that could've been any one of us back in grade school, when boys were boys and men were living vicariously through those boys.

It could've been you, standing in right field, not quite sure why you're playing baseball in the first place. A ball might be hit in your direction, but not right at you, causing you to run. In a flash, the ball gets by you. And since this is little kid's baseball, there is no back fence, so that thing just rolls forever. Parents everywhere are yelling "RUN! RUN! RUN!" Some of them are for the kid that's going to hit the inevitable home run. Some of them are your parents and your coaches. "Run! Run as hard as you can! C'mon!" I am running as fast as I can, coach! Maybe you should worry about your son not growing up to be a drain on society! The ball stops. You turn around and throw it back to the infield, but by then, the other kid has already reached home plate and is celebrating. That was the first batter of the game. The entire opposing team is now aware of the benefit of hitting it to right field.

Game 2 of the Subway Series is tonight, Andy Pettitte vs. Fernando Nieve. Should be entertaining!

Luis Castillo and Mets let it go down the tubes at Stadium [New York Daily News]

This long-controversial issue is in the news because college baseball teams are inching toward the postseason, when it becomes apparent every year that college baseball and minor league baseball are about as different as T-ball and Little League. College baseball teams have access to the newest, most expensive, most powerful — and thus, most dangerous — bats, the majority of which are now composites of metal and carbon nano-tube technology.

But that's not good enough. Why settle to hit 400 feet when you can slam 450-feet homers? So players have begun to pay outside firms $30 to "roll" their bats (two for $45!), evenly breaking in the aluminum slab and removing centimeters of dead spots. Hit for power today, satisfaction guaranteed! Meanwhile, college baseball games have turned into home-run derbies with No. 9 hitters poking junk pitches for opposite field dingers.

Naturally, though, the debate doesn't concern metal vs. wood. It's been reduced to metal vs. a better kind of metal.

There is the purist argument — aluminum bats change the game — and then there's practicality. The trampoline effect of metal bats, let alone composites and rolled composites, make wood bats make look like stickball poles, as was indirectly demonstrated in this study that proved the performance-enhancing aspect of metal bats:

Metal bat nuts like to tout the cost efficiency of their products. Buying one metal bat, they say, is cheaper than forking over for a season's worth of wooden bats. That argument is flawed for two related reasons. First, metal and composite bats retail for around $400 now, while high-end, sturdy maple bats go for around $120 and serviceable ash bats sell for around $50. Second, high schoolers, for the most part, are not going to break eight ash bats or three maple bats in a 40-game season. In North Dakota, which banned metal from high school games, the budget for bats dropped — shock!

Swanson reported that metal bat budgets from 2004 to 2006 averaged $1,793. With wood bats in 2007, the average bat budget was $1,120.

Fielding and pitching statistics were also affected. Fielding percentage, for example, increased from .907 to .935.

Pitchers were also found to be throwing less. In 2007, pitchers threw 13.39 less pitches per game than in 2004-06. Another interesting comparison is with strikeouts, which went unchanged from 4.82 between 2004-06 to 4.82 in 2007.

No wonder metal bat companies are impervious to change — they're the ones who stand to lose money. But don't fret, baseball purists. The NCAA is planning to investigate rolled composite bats, the real issue at hand.

The NCAA Baseball Rules Committee will seriously examine the issue in July, said Dave Keilitz, executive director of the American Baseball Coaches Association.

"I think most of us believe it's unethical," Keilitz said. "If a coach knows that a bat has been tampered with and he allows that bat to be used and there's a serious injury, that coach should forget about coaching. Because he's going to be sued considerably."

In the meantime, let's find another fickle debate and put off the change that could render this irrelevant.

Fair or foul? Are players tampering with composite bats? [Birmingham News]
College baseball must get the aluminum out [The Tennessean]
Will North Dakota stick with wood bats? [Grand Forks Herald]

Jordan Wiener, the son of the late Mitchell Wiener, tossed a five-inning no-no and struck out 14 hitters in a 10-0 mercy-rule win just more than 24 hours after sobbing at his father's highly public funeral.

"When my father was put in the hospital on (May 13), I told myself, 'Death or survival, I was going to pitch,' " Jordan said. "I knew that's what he would have wanted from me, to go out there and pitch. I was going to pitch no matter what."

Wiener's performance has to rank up there with some of the best grieving gamers of all time: Brett Favre throwing for 399 yards and four touchdown the day after he lost his old man, Matt Bryant kicking a game-winning field goal after his infant son passed away, Anthony Brock beating Tennessee for his grandmother. Sappy, yes, but it never hurts to be awed every once in a while.

Jordan's father was a Mets fan, which makes Omar Minaya's next move obvious: Let the kid throw out the first pitch at the next home game. You could use some no-hitter magic.

Wiener's son throws no-hitter to honor dad [NY Daily News]

All he's ever wanted is to protect the integrity of the game to which he dedicated his entire life, and he's been rewarded with nothing but hostility, ridicule, and hundreds of thousands of dollars he's squandered on cutting-edge, injectible equine-muscle-enhancers.

The freshest indignity visited upon baseball's bitch-titted Cassandra: he called a press conference yesterday to gloat about Manny Ramirez's 50-game suspension for illegally attempting to stimulate his egg production, and no one but a single Associated Press reporter showed up to recognize his latest vindication. After several uncomfortable minutes of his anguished "I TOLD YOU SO! WHEN WILL YOU LISTEN?" echoing through the empty Beverly Hills hotel conference room, the misunderstood former slugger finally opened up the floor to questions; weirdly, the AP reporter was only called on after an uncomfortable exchange with a cater-waiter who mistakenly wandered in on the conference, in which Canseco repeatedly invited the "dude from the Four Seasons Gazette " to ask him where Pudge Rodriguez liked to be injected.

Jose Canseco only has to picture one person in underwear [Big League Stew]

The man who many thought would drive pitchers crazy and draw walks with the frequency of Barry Bonds ended the spring with the following numbers: 0-for-3 with three strikeouts and one walk.

Like Flood, I blame the umpires.

"One of the pitches was definitely a strike, but none of the others were," said Flood, who felt like umpires could not correctly call his strike zone during the spring. "Obviously, someone needs to void their paychecks."

Video of Flood's historic first at-bat here. The Lollipop Guild is appealing the decision.

Rev's Experiment With 3-foot-2 Flood Ends [York Daily Record]
Now Batting: A 3-Foot-2 Walk-Drawing Machine [Sports by Brooks]
York Revolution [Official Site]

But right now the Yankees are losing 16 - 2 to Cleveland and Fox is sticking with this game, instead of going to the Cardinals vs Cubs game.

ALERT THE ACLU, BRO! Mercifully, I don't have to find a moving way to say "get some perspective hater" because the Times ran this tearjerker today.

Fidrych was found dead this afternoon after an apparent accident on his farm in Northborough, Massachusetts. He was found lying underneath a pickup truck that he was presumably working on. He played just four years in the majors, all with Detroit, before injuries shut him down permanently, but he won the 1976 Rookie of the Year Award and baffled everyone with his odd delivery and wacky antics on the mound—including talking to the ball—that made him a legend of the game. He was just 54.

Yup. Today really sucks.

Mark Fidrych dies at Mass. home [My Fox Boston]

When the real thing was served up Thursday, the spectacle drew a mix of reactions. Children were afraid.
"It's scary, almost," said 12-year-old Aaron Wisner, of Grand Rapids. Women were mortified. "Oh, my God, it looks horrible. I'm going to take a picture of it," said Leslie Rader, 22, of Walker.

Yes, children were afraid.

On the whole, however, the giant burger was no match for Whitecaps fans, 17 of whom completed the entire thing in a special picnic table area of Fifth Third Ballpark during Opening Day on Thursday. Witness the glory below:

Steve Landis, 16, was the first to finish.

As the Kenowa Hills High School student neared the end, he ferociously forked up toppings to become the first Fifth Third Burger challenge winner. "I wasn't quite sure. Should I be proud of him or not?" said his mom, 43-year-old Barb Landis.

His father, 45-year-old Dick Landis, insisted an empty stomach wasn't the key to his success. He said his son warmed up by eating a hearty breakfast and following that up with a trip to a Chinese buffet for lunch.

Meanwhile, the commenters at MLive.com turned the burger story into a debate over the pirates in Somalia. So predictable.

Giant Fifth Third Burger Served Up At Whitecaps Opener; 17 Manage To Eat The Whole Thing [Grand Rapids Press]

We have this chilling eyewitness account from the comments section of the Treasure Coast Palm:

PSL Cubs were playing Northside Rattlers. It was the bottom of the 2nd inning. I was umpiring on the 1st base side. He hopped the fence in right field and ran across the outfield. Hopped the fence in left field and got "hung up" on the fence. I called a 2 ball, no strike count! Priceless.

OK then, let's canvass the local hospitals. And be on the lookout for anyone who is walking funny. Let's get out there, and be safe, people.

Whomever it was, you also have this glorious clipping for your scrapbook:

The naked man ran east across the outfield before hopping the third-base fence and getting in a small, white older model Chrysler parked in front of Port St. Lucie Elementary School.

Naked Man Streaks Ballgame In Port St. Lucie [TC Palm.com]

Another thing that may have gotten lost in the shouting over the Pirates' admittedly embarrassing defeat to the Lancers; the Pirates big leaguers were playing the Reds in Sarasota at the time. Manatee was opposed by Triple-A players for the first four innings, and then a Double-A squad thereafter. Still ...

"We're a junior college, they're professionals," MCC coach Tim Hill said. "I think it's a very big accomplishment. Not to take anything away from their guys, but they do that for a living ... and we're not used to seeing the type of pitchers we saw, and this was the first time our guys used wooden bats. I thought the kids did a great job against some great personnel out there."

Other Miracle On Grass facts:

• The Pirates' squad featured Jose Tabata, whose wife was accused of kidnapping a baby at a health clinic last month.

• Other top Pirates prospects in the game were Andrew McCutchen, Neil Walker and Virgil Vasquez, the latter who gave up three earned runs on five hits over 4 2/3 innings. Vasquez nearly made the Pirates' major league rotation this year.

• Manatee used nine pitchers, one each inning.

• The second-to-last of those pitchers is the wonderfully-named Johnny Lingo.

• Manatee CC has a total enrollment of 7,502.

• Lancers second baseman Derek Luciano had a triple, double, single and four RBI.

• Manatee graduate: Joe Mays.

• Pirates '11-0' T-shirts being shipped to Nicaragua as I type this.

Photo: Bradenton Herald

Miracle On Grass: Lancers Beat Pirates [Bradenton Herald]
Junior College Lancers Defeat Pirates 6-4 [Sarasota Herald Tribune]

Bill Simmons once called the second Bad News Bears movie "the third-greatest sequel of all time, in any genre," ranking it behind Godfather II and Terminator II. Of course, Bill is prone to fits of hyperbole, especially when it comes to pop culture (or he has a thing for William Devane). The scene with Tanner Boyle running from security in the Astrodome notwithstanding, the original Bad News Bears is really the only movie in the series worth mentioning.

David Pollock was 14 when he played Rudi Stein in the original movie, and here he is reminiscing about the experience in a recent podcast at Just My Show. Pollock, 49, is a certified flight instructor, and currently works for the California School Board Association as senior director of program development. He's also the former president of the Moorpark Unified School District in southern California.

On how he got the part:

"I'm afraid I was typecast. They took us out in the back lot at Paramount and had us throw balls around. They were looking for awkwardness, and I fit the part."

On working with Walter Matthau:

"Walter was great; he had a natural rapport with us. There was this scene when Walter wants me to go in and get hit by a pitch, and I look up and tell him that I don't want to do that. We must have filmed that scene 20 times, because Walter would crack up every time I would look at him.

"There were all kinds of celebrities around the set. We were way out in the middle of nowhere, Mason Park in Chatsworth, before the city was built up around it like it is now. But one day you would see Burt Lancaster, because his son Bill had written the script. Ryan O'Neal, of course, because of his daughter Tatum O'Neal. Jack Lemmon came out one day to visit Walter. Bill Bixby, because Brandon Cruz was in the movie. You never knew who you were going to see."

On the rumored alternate ending:

"We actually did film an alternate ending, in which we did win the game in the end. Fortunately we didn't use it, and it worked just fine."

On the 2005 remake with Billy Bob Thornton:

"Honestly I thought it was more of a sequel to Bad Santa than The Bad News Bears. I haven't met anyone who's liked it."

On the movie's lasting impact:

"It talked about something that wasn't touched on back then; how kids' sports get hijacked by adult egos. In that way it was ahead of its time."

—-—-—-

That's it for today, kids. Thanks for your continued support of Deadspin, and listen; if you wiped your nose once in a while, people wouldn't give you so much crud all the time.

The Bears Are Badder Than Ever [Just My Show]

Sure, perhaps there's a little more to it than that. Here I am cracking jokes about the Royals, while Pena has worked his ass off to learn English, the American Way, and — rather awesomely — become an honest-to-God US citizen. As Getting To First Base puts it,

What I didn't know was that Pena had to evade security guards and slip out of a bathroom window in Caracas when he was a teenager; that he left his beloved family behind to pursue a hope of a better life as an American ballplayer. That was ten years ago. He's a newly-minted American citizen now, a happy ending to a dangerous defection.

Still, I can't help but wonder if David Glass is really much of an improvement over Fidel.

[MLB.com, via Getting To First Base]

Everyone just assumed last weekend's 3-2 victory by the Dutch team was a fluke, probably helped by the D.R.'s bad hotel arrangements. When they met again in last night's elimination game, surely the better team would prevail. Then Ubaldo Jimenez struck out 10 in the first four innings and then he got replaced by Pedro Freakin' Martinez who started mowing down batters himself and it seemed like that should have been enough. But somehow it was the 11th inning and the score was still tied at zero? Then former Oriole Gene Kingsale—one of the few Dutch players to have actually seen The Show—let a routine base hit get behind him and Jose Reyes scrambled around from first and all was right in the world.

Yet, here we are this morning and the Dominican Republic is eliminated from the WBC before it even really started. Kingsale drove in the tying run in the bottom of the inning, scrambled to third on a wild pickoff throw, then scored the winning run on an error by Willy Aybar. It's not a fluke anymore. The Netherlands is the greatest baseball country in the world. The Dominicans might as well just close up their whole island. (Yes, Haiti too.)

Seriously though, that's pretty impressive. Randall Simon? Gene Kingsale? Yurendell de Caster?

Netherlands' prayers answered [ESPN]
No excuse for Dominican performance in WBC [Fox]
Hail to the Dutch [Seattle Times]
The Netherlands is Known for Bicycles, Clogs, Windmills, Cheese, and OWNING THE DOMINICAN REPUBLIC! [Vent About Sports]
Jimenez sets Classic strikeout record [MLB]
Dutch Fans Celebrate WBC Performance [Gunaxin]

Odd Man Out: A Year On The Mound With A Minor League Misfit is the story of Matt McCarthy, a Yale grad who spent one summer toiling with the Provo Angels of the Pioneer League. It is supposedly a rollicking tale of racist, misogynist, mentally unbalanced steroid freaks driving around in a bus and wreaking havoc wherever they go. However, many of the men who became characters in the book are coming forward now to say that their insane tales of debauchery simply aren't true. (Sample anecdote: the book accuses pitcher Joe Saunders of making fun of disabled children. Classy.)

The book was published last month, along with a lengthy except in Sports Illustrated, but I haven't read either, because I lost my library card and the story is conspicuously absent from SI's online vault. (It was published in the Feb. 16 issue, according to the New York Times.)

But the real problem with (allegedly!) faking a baseball memoir is that box scores and transactions logs are way more accurate than McCarthy's personal notebooks. So if you're going to say, for example, that your manager ordered a pitcher to hit an opposing player with a pitch, you should probably make sure that someone actually got hit with a pitch in the games you're mentioning. (They didn't.) Or when you accuse a teammate of threatening to kill Larry King's son, make sure he was actually on the team when you say he was. (He wasn't.)

True or not, the story still sounds more entertaining than Bull Durham.

Errors Cast Doubt on Matt McCarthy's Baseball Memoir [NY Times]
Foul Ball [Kenneth in the 212]

The Deadspin Midwest Pants Party will again take place at US Cellular Field, ostensibly for the purposes of watching baseball. However, this year's opponent is the Pittsburgh Pirates. Maybe we'll get to see Rinku and Dinesh pitch; they can't be much worse than John van Benschoten.

Tickets are $72.50 and include an all-you-can-eat buffet and perhaps more importantly, all the beer, wine, and soda you can cram down your gullet from 4:30 PM until a half hour into the game. After they drag us kicking and screaming away from the beer, we will move into the outfield seats for the remainder of the game. For those truly seasoned boozehounds out there, we will probably gather at a nearby bar TBD before the gates open for some pre-pre-gaming. Last year's chosen pregame bar was closed due to a gas leak. These things happen on the South Side.

What: Chicago White Sox vs. Pittsburgh Pirates
Where: US Cellular Field, Chicago, Illinois
When: May 23, 2009. Patio opens at 4:30PM, first pitch 6:05PM

Tickets can be purchased by following the PayPal link below. Friends, relatives, spouses, and significant others are welcome. Questions can be directed to me at pete@deadspin.com. Hope to see you there.

In light of today's allegations that Rodriguez tested positive for two banned substances in 2003, this blunt denial by Rodriguez seems somewhat humorous. But then again, isn't everything A-Rod does kind of humorous? Oh, and Katie - I know you're trying hard to be taken seriously as a journalist, but the soft focus on the interview sure doesn't help the image. Here's your money quotes:

"For the record, have you ever used steroids, human growth hormone or any other performance-enhancing substance?" Couric asked.

"No," Rodriguez replied.

Asked if he had ever been tempted to use any of those things, Rodriguez told Couric, "No."

"You never felt like, 'This guy's doing it, maybe I should look into this, too? He's getting better numbers, playing better ball,'" Couric asked.

"I've never felt overmatched on the baseball field. I've always been a very strong, dominant position. And I felt that if I did my work as I've done since I was, you know, a rookie back in Seattle, I didn't have a problem competing at any level. So, no," he replied.

I have a feeling this is going to be a fun story.

[CBS News]

In a story published today on SI.com that will probably not surprise the readership of this site but that will provide Around The Horn with weeks of material, Selena Roberts and David Epstein write that Rodriguez tested positive for both the anabolic steroid Primobolan and, in a surprising twist, testosterone:

Rodriguez's name appears on a list of 104 players who tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs in Major League Baseball's '03 survey testing, SI's sources say. As part of a joint agreement with the MLB Players Association, the testing was conducted to determine if it was necessary to impose mandatory random drug testing across the major leagues in 2004.

Surprised? You shouldn't be if you've been listening to the one man who's, oddly enough, been right more often than not throughout this whole steroids issue, Jose Canseco. Last March, Will Leitch wrote about Canseco's book, Vindicated, in which Rodriguez is tied to steroids.

As for Alex Rodriguez, Canseco says he didn't inject Rodriguez, but that he "introduced Alex to a known supplier of steroids." Canseco didn't mention Rodriguez in the first book because he "hated the bastard." He was worried that people would have "questioned [his] motives" had he included Rodriguez.

Why all the hatred, you ask. Well, Canseco claims that A-Rod was trying to sleep with Canseco's wife. Apparently, even after Canseco had been nice enough to help A-Rod find a friendly steroids supplier, A-Rod kept calling Canseco's wife.

And, in case there's any further confusion about Canseco's true feelings, he ends the chapter by saying:

So A-Rod, if you're reading this book, and if I'm not getting through to you, let's get clear on one thing: I hate your fucking guts.

It's hard to admit it, but it looks like Jose Canseco was right again.

Home Run Derby has a nice little compilation of those "Just Say No" ad spots from the 1980s, featuring Hall of Famers Dave Winfield, Mike Schmidt, Reggie Jackson and Gary Carter. While the sly-eyed-Jackson and tuxedo'd-Winfield ones are great, Schmidt's has to be the best:

Just something about the way he says cocaine can kill me sends me into a fit of giggles that I normally can't achieve without the help of recreational drugs.

But seriously, kids, stay off the dope.

Don't do Drugs - 1980's Baseball Anti-Drug PSA's [Home Run Derby]

Image from No Mas's T-shirt line.

Apparently, Sabathia was concerned that his adventures in Milwaukee last year were so incredibly awesome that Brewers fans would have had some unreasonable expectations for his performance were he to return. So in order to avoid the uncomfortable situation of being expected to deliver superhuman feats, he took the largest free agent pitching contract in history and moved to New York City.

""If I had gone back to Milwaukee, they would have been looking to me to win every single game. I expect to win every single game here, too, but there would have been more immense pressure there because they wouldn't have been able to put the pieces around me to help me win. I think I can get that here....

If I had went somewhere else, they would have expected me to do what I did the last second half in Milwaukee and you know that's kinda unrealistic."

You know, $161 million for seven years of work used to seem unrealistic, too. It's funny how those things work. Fortunately, New York baseball fans are a kind and patient bunch with no sense of entitlement that would never make unreasonable performance demands on new players. Just try your best—that's what they care about.

Sheesh.

CC Sabathia Press Conference: Came to NY So He Doesn't Have To Repeat His Milwaukee Excellence [Bob's Blitz]
CC Sabathia seems man enough to put Bronx in Fat City [NY Daily News]
CC & A.J. press conference roundup [NY Daily News]
The Yankees Welcome $243.5 Million of Pitching [NY Times]

The Yankee slugger worked out in Miami this weekend. Shorts go on the outside, (nutty) buddy. [Jezebel, more @ Just Jared]

Kevin Towers and Jim Hendry danced all night but in the end there's only one person to blame—Jason Marquis. That's right, the Cubs passed on a chance to land the best free agent pitcher under 300 pounds, because they didn't want to eat more than 50% of Marquis' contract.

Or to hear Peavy's agent put it—the Padres are insane and asked for way to much. The Cubs were pretty much the only option for them to move the pitcher and now Peavy will likely be starting for San Diego on Opening Day. So good job all around.

Padres, Cubs Set To Quit Each Other [Rumors and Rants]
Agent: 'Padres asked for too much' for Peavy [Chicago Tribune]

What else happened today?

• As mentioned before, the Mets got slightly less terrible. The Phillies are unimpressed. [Jets and Mets]

• Does anyone else think that the Nationals offered Mark Teixeira an 8-year, $160M deal as a joke and are secretly praying he doesn't say yes? [Nationals Enquirer]

• Believe me, if there's any player on Earth who understands inflation, it's C.C. Sabathia. [Royals Review]

• How big are the Yankees balls? They paid $160 million to take C.C. away from Milwaukee, then they offer them Melky Cabrera for Mike Cameron ... and ask the Brewers to chip in for Cameron's salary. That's how big. [NY Post]

• And they want A.J. Burnett too. [ESPN]

• Nick Punto finds the free-agent market not to his liking, re-signs with the Twins. [AP/Yahoo]

See also:
• A sneak peek at Omar Minaya's notebook [Updated] [The 'Ropolitans]
• Yellow journalism: Finding leaks at MLB's winter trade show [Big League Stew]

On the other hand, I have long claimed (to no one in particular) that throwing money at a big ticket closers is a waste of cash and time. The closer should the last piece of the championship puzzle and you can usually find a cheap one in your farm system or at the trade deadline, after the rest of the pieces are in place. And guess what? Rob Iracane proved me right! (Sorta.) Once again I am vindicated by someone else's hard work and science.

But the New York ball clubs aren't the only folks wheeling and dealing. Just the most successful so far. Here's a recap of what else is going on at baseball's winter meetings in Las Vegas.

• Jake Peavy and the Cubs continued their delicate dance of seduction. Jim Hendry texted Jake's best friend Sally and asked her to IM Jake and see if he wanted to get ice cream after the basketbal game on Friday night. [Chicago Tribune]

• Cleveland has made a two-year offer to Kerry Wood, so if he passes a physical—which we all know is impossible—he'll be an Indian next year. [Plain Dealer]

• Steve Phillips contributed to this single sentence repeating what the Baltimore Sun already said about about Cesar Izturis going to the Orioles. Nice work, boys. [ESPN]

• The O's also traded catcher Ramon Hernandez to the Reds for Ryan Freel. You know things have gone south in your life whenever your name is preceded by the phrase "frustrated utilityman." [AP]

• The Dodgers re-signed Casey Blake, added free-agent Mark Loretta, and are still praying some calls about Andruw Jones. [LA Times]

• The Rockies snagged Alan Embree for one year. [Denver Post]

• A study of maple bats was released that concluded that maple and ash should break at about that same rate, but that maple bat manufacturers just don't know what they're doing. Bud Selig actually paid someone to tell him this. [Chicago Tribune]

• And finally, the saddest headline imaginable (for one person at least): "Ankiel Shows Up On Bomber's Radar." It would make it easier for them to visit, I suppose. [NY Post]

See also:
• Winter Rumors, Hopes [Crashburn Alley]
• Sheets Leaving Home (bye bye) [Viva El Birdos]
• An open letter to Brian Sabean [Giants Examiner]
• Red Sox set sights on Teixeira [Yahoo]
• Marrying for money is bad idea [NY Daily News]
Reporting from MLB's Winter Meetings [ESPN The Mag]

Here's what really happened. The Tribune Co. is a financial nightmare with about $13 billion in debt, but as a semi-independent subsidiary of the company, the Cubs actually make money. So Tribune owner Sam Zell has been trying to sell their lone valuable asset in order to make some much needed cash. In order to do that, they were going to need help from the state to finance the deal and maybe get some grant money to upgrade Wrigley Field.

There's just one problem: Blago controls that money, but doesn't get along well with the editorial board at the Chicago Tribune. Something about them wanting him impeached? So he suggested that maybe the Cubs would get what they need to make a deal, if a certain editor at the paper found himself unemployed. Actually what he said was [PDF]:

“our recommendation is fire all those [expletive] people, get ‘em the [expletive] out of there and get us some editorial support.” ....

During the call, ROD BLAGOJEVICH’s wife can be heard in the background telling ROD BLAGOJEVICH to tell Deputy Governor A “to hold up that fucking Cubs shit. . . fuck them.” ....

Deputy Governor A told ROD BLAGOJEVICH that Tribune Owner will say that he does not have anything to do with the editorials, “but I would tell him, look, if you want to get your Cubs thing done get rid of this Tribune.” ....

Deputy Governor A agreed and said that HARRIS needs to be “sensitive” about how he does it. ROD BLAGOJEVICH said there is nothing sensitive about how you do it and that it’s “straight forward” and you say “we’re doing this stuff for you, we believe this is right for Illinois [and] this is a big deal to [Tribune Owner] financially” but what ROD BLAGOJEVICH is doing to help Tribune Owner is the same type of action that the Tribune is saying should be the basis for ROD BLAGOJEVICH’s impeachment. ROD BLAGOJEVICH said Tribune Owner should be told “maybe we can’t do this now. Fire those fuckers.”

So when a newspaper complains that you're corrupt, it's not a good idea to bribe them in order to make them stop saying that you're corrupt? Congratulations, Mr. Blago. You've out cronyed the cronyist city in America.

What does this mean for the Cubs? Nothing really. The Tribune is in bankruptcy and the Cubs will (hopefully) get sold anyway. It's possible that management may be leery about making huge financial commitments *cough*peavy*cough* until the situation is more clear. But it's mostly just funny the the governor of the Cubs' own state is willing to sell out them for a little graft.

`Staggering' allegations, even by Illinois standards [Tribune]
FBI Complaint [PDF File]
Free From Tribune’s Bankruptcy Filing, Cubs Proceed as Usual [NY Times]
Blagojevich charged with crimes [ESPN]

1) In June 1999, when Henderson was playing with the Mets, he saw reporters running around the clubhouse before a game. He asked a teammate what was going on and he was told that Tom Robson, the team’s hitting coach, had just been fired. Henderson said, “Who’s he?”

10) A reporter asked Henderson if Ken Caminiti’s estimate that 50 percent of Major League players were taking steroids was accurate. His response was, “Well, Rickey’s not one of them, so that’s 49 percent right there.”

14) The morning after the Sox finished off their 2004 World Series sweep against St. Louis, Henderson called someone in the organization looking for tickets to Game 6 at Fenway Park.

17) OK, I know everyone has been waiting for it. Alas, according to both parties involved, it’s not true. I wish it were. Heck, both Rickey Henderson and John Olerud have said they wish it were true. But it just didn’t happen.

The story went that a few weeks into Henderson’s stint with the Mariners, he walked up to Olerud at the batting cage and asked him why he wore a batting helmet in the field. Olerud explained that he had an aneurysm at nine years old and he wore the helmet for protection. Legend goes that Henderson said, “Yeah, I used to play with a guy that had the same thing.” Legend also goes that Olerud said, “That was me, Rickey.”

Classic, Rickey. Another story that I would love to add to that list, is Rickey Henderson going into the Hall of Fame as a San Diego Surf Dawg. He played his final professional season with them in one vain attempt to keep his major league career alive, and the Golden Baseball League (which the Surf Dogs won with Rickey in 2005) is offering him $1 million to chisel a Surf Dog hat on his plaque. Please accept, Rickey. Rickey is his own man, and shouldn't Rickey's plaque be better than everyone else's?

"The Definitive Rickey Henderson: The 25 Best Stories of "Rickey Being Rickey." [Fan IQ]
Surfs up for Rickey Henderson, HOF [No Joshin]

You know Twilight: The movie that has made $800 billion since Friday, $10.75 of it mine. Most of it was incomprehensible, due to me not being a 14-year-old girl. But then, suddenly, came this scene , where the vampires gather in an empty field, choose sides (with uniforms, as you can see in the photo) and get it on!

Instead of me trying to describe this perplexing moment in cinema, I'm going to leave it to you. Did you see Twilight? Are you a baseball fan? Send me a one- or two-paragraph review of the baseball scene in the movie, and I'll post the best one Monday. That way people won't have to waste their money on the rest of the movie just to see that scene. So can you help me out here? Thanks.

Squealing Fans Gather For Midnight Opening Of Twilight [San Jose Mercury]