Deadspin
As a followup to our AJ Hawk/Laura Quinn/shotgun wedding post from yesterday, we look to the Dayton Daily News, which gives us the full report on why AJ Hawk, rather than go through with the planned wedding in March, got married in his lawyer's office while wearing his Under Armour gear. (Seriously.)
The former Ohio State and Centerville High School star has moved to Green Bay to begin a career with the Packers and wanted the sister of Notre Dame quarterback Brady Quinn to join him — but not before first tying the knot. "He didn't want to be living together as boyfriend and girlfriend," said Keith Hawk, the player's father. "He wanted to be living together as man and wife. He's old-school in everything he does, including this."
Uh-huh. We're sure AJ Hawk's sudden Quaker puritism — his family wasn't even present at the wedding — has absolutely nothing to do with, as our source yesterday put it, "facilitate a better financial situation by allowing Laura to be insured and have the rest of her education paid for by the NFL when AJ signs his contract." We're sure it's because he can't live with her before he's married, because he's moral. Yep.
By the way: Even if you're getting married in your lawyer's office, AJ, jeez, put on a freaking tie.
Hawk Opts Not To Wait On Wedding [Dayton Daily News]
AJ Hawk's Shotgunnish Wedding [Deadspin]
(UPDATE: A reader writes in: "At the risk of nitpicking, the Quakers don't have any provisions against living together before marriage. The Quakers are probably the most liberal of all the organized religions in the United States. Go Quakers! "
The more you know!)
Comments
aj hawk looks like the character from "mask"
Shame on AJ if is wedding vows didn't include, "WE MUST PROTECT THIS HOUSE!"
and isnt little laura at all concerned about aj's sexual preference...he did rape her brother pretty good in that bowl game.
So he didn't knock her up? That's good. Because, if he had, someone would need a little bit of work on timing their blitzes.
As Mr. Cooper and Mr. Hawk have ably demonstrated, the wearing of ties in a formal setting is clearly a major faux pas in Ohio.
Click-clack. You can hear her coming.
Oh wait, it's just the Kentucky Derby
ty law must be his personal dresser
He should play without the helmet. That nose could shed blockers on it's own.
There is a striking resemblence to Rocky Dennis:
http://bomben.se/graphics/images/619.jpg
He was forced to marry her after he hugged her inappropriately.
Is that a pelvis on your face?
"Say, if I say Commander Warf's head looks like a fanny, will you laugh?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Commander Warf's head looks like a fanny! HAHAHA!"
"You all can suck my ridges!"
"Oh calm down Rocky Dennis!"
Click, CLACK! Classic comment made by skantopus...Kentucky Derby! HAHA!
Does that mean she wore half under aromour?
Hawk, who dressed in his customary Under Armour workout gear for the vows
Are you fucking kidding me? Was he dragging a weight sled, also?
Scott Senay, next time could you put up a "Not Safe Ever" warning when you post a link like that?
Say what you will about Under Armour, but the shit's comfortable. Maybe he has custom made stuff that had a bowtie on it, like those halloweeen costumes.
I wanted to make a click-clack comment, but anything I could come up with would be shamed by Skantopus. Well played, Mr. Peanut.
I've heard from other players that Hawk has broken his nose like 8 times because he doesn't inflate the helmet all the way. The guy is crazy. Can you say 'roid rage?
Will the marriage preclude AJ from using NFL groupie teaser mares?
inflate the helmet?
I'll just say this. Even if AJ Hawk is a moral Christian, he automatically supercedes Kurt Warner when ranking wife hotness.
Jesus. They're BOTH trannies.
deadspin pool on when the hawk's will announce she is pregnant?
and how big the foal will be as the tie breaker...
You wear Under Armour to your ceremony and you get married to a woman before you know what it's like to live with her, well that's two strikes against you in the brain department, my friend.
No wonder Green Bay drafted him.
Yes...inflate the the helmet. Helmet's have the air bubble/padding at the top of the helmet. AJ apparently does not like the tightness of the helmet on his head. Which is why he loses his helmet on tackles and the face mask comes up and slames him in the nose. Also...
http://bucknuts.com/images/AJ%20Hawk.jpg
Seriously...steroids...
The helmet tightness reminds him of her grabbing the back of his head and making him go down on her.
What the hell does that picture prove? That was when he was, like, 17. He's 22 now, chances are he's going to get a little larger.
Strike 3 is marrying her before the big pay day thereby earning a lot of money while married versus before they were married. Can't pre-nup that.
And his cheap ass can't spend a couple thousand of what will be his multi-million dollar pay day on her college bills?
I liked that guy better when he played in the 80s and his name was Bosworth.
Hell, if you're going to claim steroids, link to this pic:
http://www.profootballtalk.com/HawkShrinkage.jpg
He's a grower, though.
If I had to choose between her and the Equimount, I'd take the Equimount.
To brettac1...Barry Bonds is the same way. It is impossible for the human head to grow the way theirs have. It's steroids...plain and simple. Plus the excessive acne and back-ne. Sick. And that was his picture from senior year of HS...look at his frosh year at OSU...impossible to gain that much weight in only 3 months. He didn't graduate early either...so that was from June-August...if that.
eh... I don't buy it. We'll see if he just sucks in the NFL, or something. Acne doesn't make me think he juiced, and I don't know that he has back-ne. I also don't see how his head is bigger - plus, wouldn't HGH cause that, and not steroids?
AJ Hawk looks just like this girl that I know...she used to be into submission wrestling. I could not beat her in arm wrestling; the closest I ever got was a draw. Yes, her 'situation' is as bad as it sounds. But I can't figure out which is worse, her looking like AJ Hawk or AJ Hawk looking like her. Either way, since my favorite team is the Packers, I'm sure to have night terrors all football season for the next several years. Wonderful.
Y'know, getting hitched for financial reasons is VERY old school, so that quote from Papa Hawk isn't entirely inaccurate. I'm just sayin'...
Wowza, is AJ the missing Weaver brother? Alexander Jeffrey Jered Weaver??
The spawn of these two will be a triple crown contender in three years.
Darn it, why do I have to be out doing stuff when Will makes the incorrect history references. I would so have been all over that. Alas and alack.
AJ probably hates gays and blacks too. That's old school.
He should have got a haircut first, because he's a damn hippy at that length.
Isn't it just wrong when the groom has longer hair than the bride?
I think thats a crime in West Virginia.
Eric Lindros saw that picture of AJ Hawk and had a Vietnam-style flashback.
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