•Fed up with the Ducks' — and LeGarrette Blount's — performance on opening night, one Oregon alumnus sent coach Chip Kelly an invoice for his ticket and travel expenses. He received a personal check from Kelly for $439. Getting a refund for an awful product? I hope Jerry Jones has $1.3 billion in his checking account.

•Do you know there are 1-year-old children who've never seen the Yankees make the playoffs? New York rectified that, clinching at least a wild card spot with a 6-5 win in Anaheim. And if Derek Jeter is so valuable to his team, why couldn't he will them to the playoffs last year without Sabathia and Teixeira?

•The dreaded swine flu is running rampant through Gainesville; six more Gator players and an assistant coach have come down with H1N1. Expect Tebow to lay his hands on them, and cast the disease out into a herd of pigs, who drown themselves in the Galilee.

•Zack Greinke shut down the Red Sox, and somehow lowered his ERA. Anyone who says he doesn't deserve the Cy Young should be dragged out into the street and shot. He's never going to have a chance to win anything ever again.

•Curt Schilling announced on "Joe Buck Live" that he won't run for Massachusetts' vacant Senate seat. Expect him to show up on election day with a bloody petition that puts him on the ballot.

•Perhaps after seeing Kim Clijsters win the US Open, former no. 1 Justine Henin will be making her return to tennis. She's missing something though. If only she had read every single goddamn article about Clijsters she would know that having a baby during her time off was a key component of her comeback.

•Thanks to SportsbyBrooks for bringing this to our attention: in America, crazy drunken fans run across the field. In Canada, they climb the goalposts. I believe that's called a rouge and is worth 2½ points.

Maybe so. Schilling announced on his blog earlier today that he does have some "interest in the possibility."

Of course, Curt is a Republican, has no political experience and would be running in a Democratic state in the footsteps of a deceased hero —but hey, I'm not one to second guess Curt Schilling.

Senate hopeful of the day: Curt Schilling [Boston Globe]

For starters, David Ortiz being on the juice makes it harder for Schilling to raise his kids. This is a teachable moment, of course, but the important thing to remember is that you should not be a phony. But is Curt Schilling shocked by the revelations about his former teammates? Can anything shock him?

I mean come on. Our stinking President had sex with a woman half his age in the oval office and looked straight into the camera in his best Rafael Palmeiro impersonation and said "I did not have sexual relations with that woman." No, his comments don't make it more surprising.

Tough, but fair. (Although technically, Raffy was impersonating him.) But what about the rest of list?

If this is going to continue, MLB and the game would be far better served by just rolling them all out, right now. It wasn't fair when Alex was outed on his own, and neither is this. It's a field day for sports journalists with no talent, because their story is written for them.

As a sports journalist with no talent, I am forced to agree with that. If, for example, a heroic baseball pitcher were suddenly outed as a cheater that post would write itself and I would become rich. Plus, at my elementary school Field Days every one got a ribbon just for participating, and I really appreciated that.

Oh, I almost forgot. Hey Curt, what about that whole breaking the curse and winning two titles with tainted players?

This makes me laugh. I have already seen the bandwagon fans start the *04 and *07 threads and remarks, people with teams who are far deeper into this than most other teams - as if this makes it all OK. Every team going back 10-15 years needs an * if you want to consider giving it to anyone. The hard part is that it's turning into a situation where we are seeing every single GREAT player in the past 10 years caught, and they're dragging what we thought were the majority, and are now turning into the minority, down with them.

So no regrets then?

Questions and answers on the David Ortiz news [38 Pitches]

I wonder if he bloodied his ankle again after he kicked in the television?

Schilling Announces Retirement [Boston.com]

From 38 Pitches:

I have said to no one, including myself, that I am definitely coming back, because it's not true. However if I did, the Cubs, and Tampa, were they to need a starting pitcher for the 2nd half of the season and into October, would be 2 situations I'd be very interested in.

Not exactly sure what that means (was he denying that he talked to himself?). But my guess is that he's trying to debunk rumors that he's coming to the Cubs or the Rays; rumors that he started with quotes to the Orlando Sentinel while at an ESPN function at Disney World on Saturday:

"Absolutely I'll come back," he said at Disney World, where he was appearing in ESPN The Weekend activities. "The challenge would be in a place like Tampa Bay or Chicago," he said.

This got a rise out of at least one person: Lou Piniella:

"This guy, he's a pro," Piniella said. "I don't know how accurate [the reports] are, but if you get a pitcher with his credentials and his winning habits, it would be something to explore."

So Schilling was misquoted: He's not making a comeback. Unless of course he is. And if he does, the Cubs and Rays would be suitable for him. If they want him. Which Piniella does. Meanwhile, Cubs fans wait in breathless anticipation:

If they can't get Schilling, I heard Hall-of-Famer Jim Bunning may soon be leaving the U.S. Senate and he has never had arm trouble. — Bob J

Oh, and an important Curt Schilling fact from Thursday:

2) Shonda and I have moved over 40 times, I have moved over 50, since my career started.

Lou Pineilla Interested If Curt Schilling Wants to Be A Cub [Chicago Tribune]
Tape Recorders Are Good Because .. [38 Pitches]
Curt Schilling Declares He Wants to Play For The Chicago Cubs ... Or Tampa Bay [Orlando Sentinel]

Now, this is only a hypothetical list — none of these players have been accused or are even rumored to be on the '03 survey testing. The reason A-Rod's name popped up seems a little coincidental, considering that SI's Selena Roberts, one of the writers who broke the original story, is coming out with a book about Alex Rodriguez this May. Most baseball fans (and sports fans, in general) are pretty jaded by all this steroid talk. As long as there is a heartfelt apology attached, then let's move on. But here's a list of players whose careers would be seriously altered should their names pop up.

• Curt Schilling, Boston Red Sox: Schilling's been stridently anti-steroid and tireless in separating himself from the needle-injecting evil doers who have tainted his game. He's even demanded that the list of all the players who failed the test be publicly named so that the rest of the innocent players aren't just guilty by association. But what if his name pops up on the list? It would disastrous to his bloody sock legacy, but would also probably get him to shut the hell up for once. Finally.

• Derek Jeter, New York Yankees: Jeter's baseball reputation is pretty untarnished up to this point, that is if you count dalliances with young actresses or sabermetric knobs' conclusions that he's a crappy fielder blemishes. But Jeter popping up on the list of 103 would seem to rattle the baseball purists to the point of no return; if Jeter was using 'roids the whole time, does the fawning over his heart and hustle completely disappear and make him just an ordinary player for the rest of his career?

• Chase Utley, Philadelphia Phillies: He's consistently hailed as a throwback player and one who overachieves beyond his natural abilities and physicality to put up inflated power numbers. He's soft-spoken, humble, and always seems to say the right thing in public. You know, besides World Series victory parades in front of a live television audience.

• Greg Maddux, retired: He's the consummate "pitcher's pitcher" who's managed to rack up 355 wins throughout his career without overpowering stuff. Always lauded for his work ethic and his ability to out-think opposing batters, his Hall of Fame status could potentially be ruined if it turns out he'd been juicing for the sake of inching up the record books and prolonging his career.

• Albert Pujols, St. Louis Cardinals: Leitch hinted that his trainer might have been on the initial Grimsely list back in 2006 and the Emeritus became the most hated man in the Midwest for a short period of time. (My favorite rip on Will at the time came from a writer who said something along the lines of, "He authored a book called 'Life As A Loser.' That's a surprise.") But what if you found out that Pujols' ridiculous slugging percentage and consistency were HGH-enhanced? He would go from perennial MVP candidate to Giambi-like, comeback player of the year candidate depending on how sincere his apology was.

Oh and just know that there are some conditions to moving. One of them is that I don’t get edited (though that might be a good thing in the end) and the content I write gets posted as written. That won’t change. I’ll also continue to keep the forum open to responses and posts, but will hopefully move to doing some more interactive Q&A stuff as well as more interesting baseball and 38 Studios stuff as time goes by.

Ugh. Who do you think is tougher to work with editorially? Lil' Wayne or Schilling?

I am moving [38 Pitches]

The bulk of his rant focused on the stupidity of Boston management vis-a-vis a certain dreadlocked slugger that happened to get traded away this season. Manny Ramirez is his kind of guy, you see, because he plays hard and he wins. So what if he takes a month off every summer and gets a little shove-y with elderly front office guys?

“You pick up the traveling secretary and you dust him off. You don’t say he was a pariah like Schilling said and everything else. He can kiss my ass.”

You really need to watch the whole thing, because there's so much more. Bill's ex-wives, Boston's racism, the history of idiotic Sox management—everyone gets a well-placed zinger sent their way and you can just see the delight on the reporters' faces as they realize for the first time what it's like talk to someone in sports who doesn't give a shit what anyone thinks, especially Curt Schilling. But you better care what Bill thinks, because he's always right.

[Some naughty language ahead, but with beeps.]

Spaceman" defends Manny at Red Sox Hall ceremony [NECN]
See also: I Think Bill Lee Likes Manny [Boston Score] + Spaceman Lee Sounds Off [My Fox Boston]

Dr. Craig Morgan told the AP that he advised surgery for Schilling back in January, but the team wanted him to try rehab and he was forced to obey their wishes because of his contract. That failed, of course, and the surgery happened in June instead, which is why Curt is not on the playoff roster. In fact, the repaired shoulder is now "phenomenal" and Schilling will be fine next year—not that it does the stupid Sox any good now. Morgan added, “In January, everything I said has come true, right to a T.” All right then. Schilling, for his part, is staying away from his doctor's choice of words and timing.

He, unfortunately, like me has little to no filter when asked about things he feels comfortable with knowledge wise. My arm and pitching, and shoulders, are certainly topics he is smarter than anyone I’ve ever met on....

Regardless of how anyone feels about the ‘what ifs’ involved here, they are irrelevant. What’s done is done and even though I’d kill to be able to take the ball right now, I can’t. No one gains from looking back and wondering what if, most of all my teammates or the organization.

Why doesn't he just say what we all know to be true—the Boston PD would be setting up parade barricades right now if only Morgan had been heeded, you maniacs! You blew it up! God damn you all to hell!

• Doc: Schilling could have been ready for playoffs [AP/Google]
• Don’t ask… [38 Pitches]

“We all got separated in this huge room with lots of people,” Mrs. S told the Track. “I walked ahead with (racing legend) Richard Petty while Curt stopped to sign autographs.

“So when he started to walk away, he grabbed Cindy’s hand. She didn’t seem to mind and went along with it,” said Shonda. “But when he realized what he was doing, he held up their hands and said, ‘Hey, Shonda, look at this!’ Suddenly, Richard grabbed my hand and I said, ‘Don’t worry, I’m being taken care of.’ ”

"She didn't seem to mind and went along with it?" Wait until he shows her his bloody sock.

Curt Schilling veers astray at raceway [Boston Herald]
Curt Schilling mistakes Cincy McCain for wife Shonda [You Been Blinded]

"I don't want it to end this way, but if this is the way it has to end, I'm OK with that," Schilling said. "If it's over and my last pitch was in the 2007 World Series, I'm OK with that. I just can't stress enough where I am mentally with this. I have not a regret in the world. ... None of this makes me bitter or angry or pissed. It is what it is. In that sense, honestly, it's very, very easy for me because of what I've been able to experience compared to what I wanted when I first started my career, but if I have some say in how this is gonna end, I want it to be different than what it is right now."

This means that, best-case scenario, he'd be 43 by the time he came back; and it's hard to imagine that he'd want that. Curt Schilling is not Randy Johnson or Roger Clemens; the old guy who ekes out eight wins just for the chance to win another ring. Regardless of how you feel about Schilling as a person, there's no denying his credentials as a competitor. Without him Drew Barrymore does not sprint onto the field to celebrate that Red Sox 2004 World Series title. And like it or not, the bloody sock from Game 6 of the ALCS that year will never be forgotten. I wonder, did he ever launder that thing? Knowing him: Nope.

Schilling To Have Surgery; Done For Season [Boston Globe]

Quickly, this news buzzed its way over to Red Sox Nation, causing all of those bloody sock sycophants to bristle. But, Schill being Schill, he half-heartedly extinguished that notion. Kind of:

"The first word that popped into my head, is a word that I think is new to the English language, but everybody understands what it means is 'misremember'. I talked to doc probably within the last week. He's called me a couple of times during my rehab, but I'm not really sure how he got to some of the conclusions he got to."

Clearly, this will be something that Schilling will comment on in his 38pitches blog in the near future. It'll be interesting to see what becomes of Dr. Morgan's role as "personal doctor" to Curt from here on out. The only way to really keep this filed in the "misremember" category is to fire the guy, right?

http://wbztv.com/sports/redsox/Curt.Schilling.doctor.2.699893.htmlSchlling's Doctor : Curt Could Pitch For Yankees [WKBZ]
Schilling Laughs Off Yankee Talk [Extra Bases]

There seems to be a considerable disagreement with the team and Schilling about how all this would go down, but it's all moot: Schilling's gonna be gone at least until the All-Star Break, perhaps for the year, maybe forever.

We do hope Schilling comes back; it's not quite the same without him. We just hope that if he does retire, he doesn't take over Deadspin. The spelling's bad enough over here already.

My Shoulder [38pitches]

Actually, we're not sure something so unfocused can be classified as a "rant." Our favorite thing about Schilling's blog is that he often seems to forget the point of a sentence by the time he gets to the end of it. As for the names on the list, and Lord knows there's no shortage of those, I have feelings very strongly in some cases due to personal history, and opinions in many others. I've played, roomed and lived with some of these guys, and competed and gotten to know others. Wait ... what does that mean?

This stylistic "quirk" doesn't work well when discussing an issue as complicated as the Mitchell Report, which somehow just makes it more perfect. The "news" out of Schilling's post is that he called for Roger Clemens to give back his Cy Young awards. When you read the whole post, we guess he said that, but this was just a few words after saying, "my thought is that Roger will find a way in short order to organize a legal team to guarantee a retraction of the allegations made." Trying to strip a usable quote out of a Schilling blog post is a fool's errand.

That didn't make the post any less enjoyable than all of Schilling's posts. If your eyes are still in your head when you reach the end.

One Player's Take On The Mitchell Report [38 Pitches]

When asked what his favorite musical group, Schilling said, simply ... SCORPIONS! Yeah! Here he is! Rock him like a hurricane!

That's not all: He also said his favorite TV show was "Miami Vice" and that his favorite movies were Terminator and Iron Eagle. That's bad ass, folks; what happened, Curt?

Curt Schilling Rocks Like A Hurricane [Boston Magazine]
Learning To Like Schilling [Fair And Foul]

Anyway, the "Schilling Clause" got Mental Floss thinking: What are the weirdest contract clauses in history? Our favorite is their favorite, the case of one Charlie Kerfeld:

After a spectacular rookie season in 1986, the rotund reliever who always pitched in his lucky Jetsons t-shirt needed a new contract. Kerfeld asked for $110,037.37, matching his number 37 jersey, to pitch in 1987. On top of that, he received 37 boxes of orange Jell-O in the deal. The Astros would soon regret this delicious bonus, though; Kerfeld, who was famously caught eating ribs in the dugout that season, would battle weight and injury problems and get sent down to the minors.

Actually ... now that we're thinking about it ... someone should check Schilling's contract for a Jell-O clause, as well.

14 Offbeat Clauses In Baseball Contracts [Mental Floss]
The Schilling Clause [38 Pitches]
Learning To Like Schilling [Fair And Foul]

• Get Ready For More Curt, Boston. There are certain people who are allowed to use the first-person plural possessive in blog entries. For some, it works. Curt Schilling is not one of those. From Schilling's 38 Pitches:

Talks with the Red Sox are moving. Theo and I have spoken multiple times daily over the past week and given the current situation I am feeling very confident that we will be able to finalize a 1 year contract to allow us a chance to finish our career as members of the Red Sox organization.

Schilling went on to say:

We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious. They stole it from us. Sneaky little hobbitses. Wicked, tricksy, false!

My question: If Schilling already wrote farewell notes to all his teammates, should he be allowed back? My vote is no.

• Mets Will Take A Pass, Probably. The Mets have no real interest in Alex Rodriguez, according to Newsday. More likely is a push for Jose Contreras, Joe Blanton or Carlos Silva (better pitching? What a concept). But according to the New York Daily News, the Mets are making a big push for A-Rod. Hmm. [Newsday]

• Old Money. Yes son, we live in a country where a 42-year-old pitcher can make $10 million on a one-year contract. Greg Maddux will be back with the Padres for that amount, and unlike Clemens, he'll probably actually make a difference. Maddux will be joined in the lineup, of course, by Barry Bonds.* [ABC News]

• Escape From New York. Boy, now that George Steinbrenner is no longer totally in charge, it's just a giant conga line out the back door of Yankee Stadium. Next to diss the team: Andy Pettitte. [Pinstripe Alley]

* = May not be joined by Bonds.

Apparently, Barry's not happy about Schilling's comments about Bonds cheating on his wife, taxes and baseball, and he might just take him to court over it.

Bonds began seeking civil rights representation three weeks ago after pitcher Curt Schilling criticized the slugger in an interview with HBO's Bob Costas. "This is directed at Schilling more than anybody," said criminal defense attorney Michael Rains, who is representing Bonds in a grand jury investigation stemming from the Balco case.

"Schilling said some things that were inappropriate and potentially defamatory. I know it was upsetting to Barry. We talked about the issue and I know he was talking to some civil lawyers to put people on notice that he has someone defending him."

Yes: We think this might be a fun piece of litigation.

Barry Bonds Wants To Sue You [Steroid Nation]
The Airing Of Grievances: Curt Schilling Edition [Deadspin]

It's not even so much that we disagree with him; it's just that he's so sanctimonious about everything. And it's pretty funny how he always talks all tough to the media and then gets before Congress and is all, "Steroids? Wha? OK, maybe baseball has steroids. Maybe. Not sure. Could be!"

Anyway, he's hammering Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire again.

"If someone wrote that stuff [Game Of Shadows] about me and I didn't sue, am I not admitting that there's some legitimacy to it?" Schilling said on the "Costas Now" program. "It goes to the Mark McGwire thing in Congress. I mean, I'm a huge Mark McGwire fan. But I just always thought it was very simple: If you did something and someone asks you if you did it and you didn't do it, you say no. Any other answer than no is some form of yes, isn't it?"

You just have to admire how much tougher Schilling is on steroids when, you know, he's not under oath or, you know, sitting right next to one of the guys he's talking about. By the way, when Bonds was asked about Schilling's comments to Bob Costas, he said, "You mean that little midget man who absolutely knows jack ... about baseball, who never played the game before? You can tell Bob Costas what I called him." For the record, "midget" is considered an offensive term to describe little people. It is not, however, considered an offensive term to describe Bob Costas.

Schilling Takes On Bonds, McGwire [MLB.com]

• Oh No He Din't! Al Gore knows the feeling. So too did Robert E. Lee, who, if he had only listened to his second-in-command, Gen. Longstreet, would have skirted Little Round Top instead of trying to take it head-on, thus probably winning the Battle of Gettysburg. Curt Schilling now must live with a similar sting of regret (although sans the stubby beard). Trying to wrap up his first career no-hitter with two outs in the ninth, Schilling shook off catcher Jason Varitek and gave up a clean single to Shannon Stewart. Boston beat the Athletics, 1-0. "We get two outs, and I was sure, and I had a plan, and I shook Tek off,'' Schilling told AP. "And I get a big 'What if?' for the rest of my life.'' And now Sherman and Mr. Peabody remind us that it was on Aug. 28, 2000, that Boston pitcher Pedro Martinez shook off Varitek in the ninth, losing a no-hit bid when Tampa Bay's John Flaherty singled. Weird. Schilling retired Mark Ellis on a foul popout to end the third one-hitter of his career. David Ortiz homered in the first against Joe Blanton (5-4). Boston ended a four-game losing streak. Meanwhile, this is pretty awesome photo, yes? Click on it to get the closeup, which is even better.

• Everyone Loves Round Numbers. Joe Torre's 2,000th career victory came courtesy of a six-run ninth, including a grand slam by Alex Rodriguez, as the Yankees beat the White Sox 10-3. The Yankees now begin a nine-game interleague homestand against Pittsburgh, Arizona and the Mets. On Saturday, Roger Clemens is supposed to make his debut against the Pirates. Are things about to get interesting in the AL East? Sadly, probably not. And now some Ozzie Guillen quotage: "The game came from a big league, well-played game to a fantasy camp game. That's the way I look at it. Those type of games drive you crazy.''

• It's Pat! Well hey, if even Pat Burrell is hitting, there may be hope yet for the Phillies. Burrell's homer in the ninth tied it and Philadelphia went on for a 6-3 win over the Mets in 10 innings. The Phillies are five games back of the first-place Mets and a game behind second-place Atlanta in the NL East.

• Holy Moley! Here's a sentence you rarely see: Russell Branyan drew a bases-loaded walk with one out in the ninth to complete a five-run rally as the Padres beat the Dodgers 6-5. The first-place Padres have won five straight and 10 of their past 12.

• The Most Exciting Play In Baseball. Curtis Granderson's two triples and Gary Sheffield's homer led the Tigers over the Rangers 11-4.

Ever wonder what it would be like to see Manny Ramirez savor the aroma of fine wine? (Manny, that's not grape juice ... Manny ... Manny ....) Get yourself to Yawkey Way tomorrow to see three Red Sox show off their new wines. It will be nice to see Schilling use a spit cup for something other than chaw.

Notes on a day in baseball:

• Don't Miss Next Week's Exciting Episode! Yankees fans were busy last night into the wee hours doing a very special dance, celebrating the symbolic, if not chronological, return of Andy Pettitte, and an 8-3 win over the Red Sox. Meanwhile, Boston fans rode into the night feeling the pain of dropping two of three in the series. The Yankees did the hammering and Curt Schilling was the hammeree, giving up 12 hits, including homers to Hideki Matsui and Doug Mientkiewicz (!!). New York climbed back within 9 1/2 games of AL East-leading Boston. Schilling has been looking pretty sickly ever since his public apology to Barry Bonds on May 9. We suggest ripping him again. Pettitte went seven strong innings, and suddenly everything looks hopeful in Yankee Land, especially with the return of Roger Clemens on the horizon. Um, wait. Well, maybe not for a while.

• The Hiram Bocachica Home Run Parade May Be Coming To Your Town! Chad Gaudin (4-1) threw seven-plus scoreless innings — retiring 16 straight during one stretch — and Hiram Bocachica hit his first home run in two seasons as the Oakland Athletics beat the White Sox 4-0. All of which makes Athletics Nation absolutely giddy.

• Whacking Day. After a seven-inning stint in a 2-0 win over Arizona on Wednesday, Jeff Francis improved to 7-1 lifetime against the Diamondbacks ... and 25-28 against the rest of the league.

• Kansas City Star, That's What I Are. Cleveland's Grady Sizemore led off the game with a home run — the 11,000th homer in franchise history — but it wasn't enough. The Royals got four homers in an 11-7 victory. Kansas City has won eight of its past 10, by the way. Mark Grudzielanek was 3-for-5 with a homer and three RBI.

• Birds Are Weird. They must run the bases in the opposite direction in Canada, because that's the only explanation for the hilarious blown rundown attempt in the fifth by the Blue Jays. When it was over, Corey Patterson had somehow stolen home, as the Orioles went on to win 5-2.

"Regardless of my opinions, thoughts and beliefs on anything Barry Bonds it was absolutely irresponsible and wrong to say what I did," Schilling said on his blog. "... It was a callous, wreckless and irresponsible thing to say, and for that I apologize to Barry, Barry's family, Barry's friends and the Giants organization, my teammates and the Red Sox organization as well as anyone else that may have been offended by the comments I made."

Oh, and don't worry: Schilling did not ignore his base on the religious right:

"Quite a few people have tossed Biblical references my way in the past week or so after the Thorne incident in Baltimore talking about turning the other cheek and being above the fray. The only perfect human to walk the face of the earth died a few thousand years ago, that much I know."

Well, that's vague. Did he mean him?

Elsewhere in regret:

• "Sorry I'm not anywhere near as good as my dad." — Jack Elway.

• "Oh shit, heads! Sorry about that, Freddy!" — Golfer.

• "Sorry my dogs ate your house." — Michael Vick

• Sorry about the war and stuff. — Tony Blair.

• "Sorry for annoying the giraffe." — Drunken lout.

Public Apology [38 pitches]
Krukow: Curt Schilling Is A 'Horse's Ass' [SFGate]
Francona Calls For More Zip From Schilling [Boston Globe]
The Airing Of Grievances: Curt Schilling Edition [Deadspin]

Oh yeah. I would think so. I mean, he admitted that he used steroids," said Schilling, according to the Boston Globe. "I mean, there's no gray area. He admitted to cheating on his wife, cheating on his taxes, and cheating on the game, so I think the reaction around the league, the game, being what it is, in the case of what people think. Hank Aaron not being there. The commissioner [Bud Selig] trying to figure out where to be. It's sad.

"And I don't care that he's black, or green, or purple, or yellow, or whatever. It's unfortunate . . . there's good people and bad people. It's unfortunate that it's happening the way it's happening."

If you're wondering what a green Barry Bonds might look like, by the way, here it is.

Meanwhile, Schilling is making very sure not to insult another rumored steroids user, Roger Clemens. Clarifying remarks he made on Monday about Clemens signing with the Yankees ("We don't need him,") Schilling said on Tuesday on his blog, "If you read any of the sports writers with integrity, the guys that printed the ENTIRE quote I gave last night, I thought it was clear. Roger Clemens coming to Boston was something none of us in the clubhouse had any control over." Oh, and somehow it's all Dan Shaughnessy's fault.

Elsewhere in the complaint department:

• Michael Andretti is still pissed that he didn't win last year's Indy 500 [MSNBC]

• Tiger Woods doesn't like the 17th at TPC Sawgrass; wants it moved. Well yeah, who doesn't? [MSNBC]

Clemens And Us? [38 Pitches]
Curt On Bonds [Boston Globe]

But Schilling, as skilled at self-inflation as he is, has nothing on Roger Clemens, who somehow conflated a Lou Gehrig moment for himself yesterday, a moment all the more pleasing for him because he didn't have to, you know, actually be dying. Clemens is the master of playing the prettiest girl at the prom, but yesterday might have been the most egregious example yet: Clemens really did fancy himself a god.

And gods do not come cheaply. Darren Rovell at CNBC has calculated Clemens' ridiculous salary, and discovered it makes no financial sense at all for the Yankees, even if they do make the playoffs. Clemens, when you do all the salary math, will make $8,888 a pitch; no amount of playoff ticketing and extra Clemens-ecstatic last-minute sales can make up that amount.

But Roger Clemens gets to feel like the conquering savior, and he gets to do it live. That 45-year-old arm better still have tons of oomph left, because yesterday's masturbatory construction is going to look awfully silly if he doesn't turn the Yankees around. Or, say, if he forgets that baseball's still steroid testing. Let's hope it doesn't turn into his "Mission: Accomplished" moment.

Financially, Clemens Makes No Sense [CNBC]
Welcome Back To The AL, You Fat Egomanic [Babes Love Baseball]
Ignorance Has Its Privileges [38 Pitches]

Still, we can't imagine what Thorne was thinking, saying that on the public airwaves and believing no one would make a big deal out of it.

"The great story we were talking about the other night was that famous red stocking that he wore when they finally won, the blood on his stocking," Thorne said to broadcast partner Jim Palmer, the Hall of Fame pitcher, in a conversation that had begun with a discussion of Schilling's blog.
"Nah," Thorne said. "It was painted. Doug Mirabelli confessed up to it after. It was all for PR."

If Thorne — who Mirabelli blasted after the game — legitimately wakes up this morning surprised by the fuss he caused, he's the most clueless broadcaster in sports, and that's really saying something. Nothing yet from Schilling's blog about the whole mess, but we think it'd be funny if he painted his site red for the day, just for fun.

Bloody Mess [Boston.com]
38 Pitches [Curt Schilling's Blog]

(By the way, in case you forgot what Schilling's ankle looked like after surgery.)

(UPDATE: Baseball Musings has some info on Thorne that shows he's kind of an idiot about this stuff.)

But it's people like him that are targeted by The Phoenix in this, their list of the 100 Unsexiest Men in America. It's littered with names from the sports world, including Curt Schilling, John Kruk, George Steinbrenner, Tony Kornheiser, and the afore-mentioned Ronaldinho.

55. Ronaldinho. The world's greatest soccer player is so ugly, even his action figure has buck teeth. Kissing him must be like getting kicked in the face by a donkey.

Goodness.

I hope the people included wouldn't take it too seriously. I know women willing to do at least two of the people listed here, Colin Meloy and Philip Seymour Hoffman. Not at the same time. I don't think.

Myself, I really don't care a lot about the sexy quotient of people like SportsCenter anchors, and I wouldn't care if Chris Berman (who did make the list) spontaneously grew 9 fungus-ridden big toes out of his forehead, if he agreed to not ruin this year's NFL Draft by tipping off every pick before it happens, we could be best friends.

The 100 Unsexiest Men 2007 [The Phoenix]
The Ugly Truth [Foul Balls]

[Gil Meche] pitched a hell of a game and hats off to the KC fans, this towns always been a great baseball city with great sports fans, pretty sure the day and the standing O will be lifetime memories, just always hope you aren't the guy on the other side when someone has one of those kinds of days. I never let us get into the game after the first. Every inning they pushed and I didn't push back.

We like to make fun of Schilling here, but we can't deny that it's fascinating to watch a guy write a long blog entry about how he got knocked around by the Royals. The guy's candid, to say the least; we can't help but wonder, though, if he pitches that poorly all year, if he'll really keep writing about it afterwards. Can a pitcher have a blog breakdown? Stay tuned.

Game One: 4/2/07 Vs. Royals [38 Pitches]
Well, Alrighty [Soxaholix]

Well, in one of those odd scoops Peter Gammons likes to throw in his columns every once in a while just to keep us on our toes — our favorite is the one from a few years ago when he talked about the educated but racist pitcher most people assumed was Mike Mussina — apparently the reason they canceled the game is because the guy who was supposed to pitch was drunk. (Link via Seattlest)

The reason the 2002 All-Star Game ended up tied was that a pitcher on one of the two teams was imbibing in the clubhouse and was not in condition to pitch, hence the game ended.

Every pitcher on both teams did make it in the game that year, so we're not sure exactly what he's referring to; was there one guy who had been slated to come back in but was too busy doing Jager shots? If that's the case, we're just going to assume it was Schilling.

Who Was Too Drunk To Pitch In The 2002 All-Star Game? [Seattlest]

If you're like us, you ask yourself one question, every morning: Is there any way we could hear more opinions from Curt Schilling?

Well, hey, there is! Because good ole' Gehrig now has his own blog. And he appears to be writing daily. So this should be interesting. Or not.

38 Pitches [Curt Schilling's Blog]

(Via Babes Love Baseball)

Curt Schilling seemed surprised yesterday by the sudden groundswell of local supporters hoping to draft him into national politics and a 2008 Senate run against John Kerry. The Red Sox pitching hero didn't flatly rule out the idea, either, though he didn't sound like he was about to hit the campaign trail anytime soon.

"I couldn't rule it out because it's not something I ever thought about in a serious capacity," Schilling told the Herald. "I envision that I will probably be pretty busy in 2008," he said. "But I'm flattered as hell to even make this phone call."

Yes, we're sure Schilling seemed "surprised" by the "sudden" groundswell. Because if Schilling is known for anything, it's the self-effacing tendency to turn the camera away from himself. And you know what the sad thing is? We bet Kerry would figure out a way to lose to Schilling too.

Capitol Idea: Senator Schilling? [Boston Herald]

That might have come to a head yesterday, when Schilling apparently popped up on a Yankees message board and defended himself against charges of blowhardness, cronyism, media-mongering ... you know, the usual Schilling stuff.

I've always looked at it from the standpoint of "If they don't ask, I won't answer". Other than that the only media tag that might apply to is the radio call in stuff. Being born and raised a sports fan I admit to getting real real irritated when radio 'sports' people spout off 'insight' and 'in the know' that I know to be complete crap. That's certainly not a blanket analogy of sports radio, there are some good ones I like to listen to, but sports radio is designed to bring in listeners, and you do that by 'selling' hot topics, controversy, and back and forth.

He goes on to include our favorite part: FWIW it'd be cool if we could keep the give and take within this forum, and appreciated. Because the best way to keep a conversation private is to have it on a public message board.

We like this about Schilling, mind you ... but we're starting to think maybe his computer could use a V-chip.

New York Yankees Fan Forum [Forums]

• 1. Let The Griping Begin. We have our problems with Curt Schilling at times, but there's no doubt the man can deal. Schilling became the AL's first nine-game winner on Thursday with a fairly strong eight-inning effort, and the Red Sox supported him with 15 hits in a 9-3 win over the Yankees. Typically, the result did not put Yankee bloggers in the most upbeat of moods, especially considering the announcement that Gary Sheffield will require surgery and be out an estimated three months.

• 2. Introducing Your First-Place Cincinnati Reds. Ah, 1999. The year of Beanie Babies, Jar Jar Binks and the Backstreet Boys. You had all that rice stored in your basement due to Y2K, remember that? Oh, and the Cincinnati Reds were in contention all season, losing a one-game playoff with the Mets for an NL wild-card berth. They also had a 10-game win streak that year, something they haven't approached again until Thursday, when Brandon Phillips' two-run homer led the Reds to a 7-1 win over the Cubs. It's Cincinnati's eighth straight win, and puts them (!) alone in first place (!) in the NL Central.

• 3. Capital Gains. Don't look now, but the Washington Nationals have the best record in baseball over the past three weeks. Anyone notice that Alfonso Soriano has homered in 11 consecutive series, with 23 total for the seasonm, putting him second in the majors? He homered, stole a base and scored four runs.

• 4. Whacking Day. Remember when Orlando Hernandez pitched for Arizona? You should; it was only a month ago. Anyway, they traded him to the Mets, and in his first meeting with his old team El Duque threw a three-hitter — his first complete game in six years — as the Mets won 7-1. Not a great week for the Diamondbacks, really.

• 5. Royals lose again win!. We like to point out positive Kansas City Royals news whenever it occurs, even if it involves a bizarre, 16-12 win after being down by seven runs. Matt Stairs had a three-run homer in the victory over the Rangers.