MLB
The Diamondbacks are still working hard to market Eric Byrnes as the funny, freewheeling surfer dude who just happens to play baseball for $10 mil a year. Thus we have
The Eric Byrnes Show, which is carried on FSN Arizona. A recent promotion for the show proves that it may be more entertaining than Dbacks games themselves, as Byrnes and Conor Jackson get their Starsky and Hutch on in a remake of the
Beastie Boys Sabotage video. "It doesn't have to be this way!" Video following the jump.
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awkward urine tests
We haven't heard much from Diamondbacks outfielder Eric Byrnes in the offseason, but we can only guarantee it was something EXTREME AND WHOLLY UNPREDICTABLE! ZIGGITY SWISH! He's back this year, and his Diamondbacks were among the first to be drug tested. Byrnes is absolutely comfortable with the process, even if it means a stranger's
prying eyes on his yambag.
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espn
All right, so we understand that it's kind of cool to be able to active athletes on your studio preview shows during the postseason, because they're not playing anymore and don't have much to do. The Blue Jays' Vernon Wells was on a couple of days ago, and we enjoyed him, though it was odd to watch Peter Gammons — Christ, it's so good to have that guy back — talk about how much money Wells is going to make as a free agent this offseason as Wells sat there, doing everything he could to resist the urge to do cartwheels.
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baseball
In truth, Kellia Ramares is dangerously obsessed. The middle-aged woman from Berkeley, Calif. has
an unlikely fixation on Diamondbacks outfielder Eric Byrnes, in a way that prompted us recently to purchase an extra deadbolt for our back door, for no real tangible reason, just because. But as Ramares herself points out, she has absolutely nothing on Buck Canyon.
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baseball
Arizona Diamondbacks outfielder Eric Byrnes may have thought he was being more or less inconspicuous while watching the
Maverick's Surf Contest just south of San Francisco on Tuesday, but hey, our spies are everywhere these days, even at the beach in February. Byrnes, an avid surfer who has a home near the contest site in the California coastal town of Half Moon Bay, was on hand to watch South African Grant Baker win the competition at Pillar Point, a former top-secret area which is now Northern California's most famed big-wave surf break.
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mlb.com blogs
Most of the blogs here are harmless drivel, but occasionally we trip over one that scares us, quite frankly. In reading
Down the Left Field Line; Life, Baseball and Eric Byrnes, we felt kind of the same way we did when seeing
Fatal Attractionfor the first time. A little sorry for the rabbit and ultimately glad that Glenn Close didn't have our address.
Down the Left Field Line, authored by a woman in her late 40s, is devoted to the Orioles' Eric Byrnes. And when we say devoted, we mean:
"July 30: The Good News: An RBI double his second time up! The Bad News: He got picked off second two minutes later."
"July 31: The team didn't win. Oh well, it's not Byrnesie's fault the White Sox scored 9 runs."
"Aug. 1: Byrnes left 3 on base, 2 in scoring position."
"Aug. 3: With a runner on first and two out, Byrnes looked at a fastball for strike 3. Oh, how I hate called strike 3!"
There's a fine line between blogging and stalking. When your latest entry reminds people of Kathy Bates in
Misery, you may have crossed it.
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Deadspin
Maybe it's because Eric Byrnes is just too IN YOUR FACE for the studio. Maybe Fox Sports is afraid his energy and enthusiasm could, at any given moment, blow away Jeanne Zelasko's carbon-fiber wig. Either way, the Arizona Diamondbacks centerfielder, who plays analyst when his team no longer plays baseball, will report on the All-Star game from a kayak in McCovey Cove outside the stadium. EXTREME! [The Smittblog]
So let's get this straight: Eric Byrnes shows up to the set of a national televised broadcast looking like this, and he thinks people aren't going to talk about how stupid he looks?
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