Deadspin
Remember that NBA "Celebrity" Fantasy League that kicked off at the beginning of the season? (That's when fantasy basketball leagues tend to start, after all.) The league featured luminaries like Star Jones, Pamela Anderson, Cedric the Entertainer and Samuel L. Jackson. Well, they they had the finals this week, and the champion turned out to be ... "celebrity" Bill Simmons! Somehow we imagine him spending more time following the waiver wire than, say, Matthew Modine.
Simmons beat Bernie Mac in the finals and ended the season 20-2. On the other end of the spectrum was TNT analyst Kenny Smith, who finished 1-21 and lost his final game to the WNBA's Diana Taurasi. (This meant, of course, that longtime WNBA hater Simmons ended up, through his public fantasy league on NBA.com, becoming part of the very charity promotion for the league that he's always decrying. But that's a small price to pay for humiliating Star Jones.)
The other nine league members were not available for comment, though we have a feeling their responses would be something like, "fantasy what? I'm in a what? Bill who? How did you get this number?"
NBA Cares Celebrity Fantasy League [NBA.com]
Bill Simmons' Epic Battle With Star Jones [Deadspin]
Comments
Kids, I worked with Matthew Modine on his last project. To assume that he spent less time on the waver wire than Simmons would be incorrect. The man really likes his basketball.
So what are we looking at here? Five, six thousand word column on this.
I won't bag on Bill Simmons, Diana Taurasi, or even Kenny Smith. But calling Star Jones a celebrity...boy, that's pushing it. (Fitting that Family Guy last night was a rerun where they had the women from The View sitting around, literally clucking, with Star laying an egg.)
I mean, Charles Barkley probably knows even less about fantasy sports than the Jet does, but I would give anything to listen to him go to town on Smith over this one. 1-21? Seriously? From the only guy on the panel who actually PLAYED basketball? Ouch. Also, I have to voice some disappointment that Cedric the Entertainer is just listed as "Cedric," since this clearly indicates that "the Entertainer" is not his last name. I was always hoping that his directory info would read "the Entertainer, Cedric." "Welcome back to the Four Seasons, Mr. the Entertainer. How long will you be staying with us this time?"
Paper Cut, I'm thinking he gets another book's worth of material out of this one. Working title: "Now You Can Die of Boredom: How ESPN's Sports Guy Found His Special Purpose, Playing Fantasy Hoops Against the Likes of Star Jones, Pam's Boobies, and George Brett's Cousin
Thatta boy, Billy. Way to kick the crap out of those disinterested owners in your league.
Kenny Smith had 8 less wins than Pam Anderson. Shouldn't he be forced to commit seppuku?
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