Deadspin
As always, we giggle with anticipation for ESPN ombudsman George Solomon's monthly "OK, so, you guys are kind of a disgrace to American journalism, but hey, we're all friends here, and besides, sports are fun!" ombudsman column for ESPN, and this month's entry has all the usual limp admonishments, with questions about "Bonds on Bonds," a dopey nudge at Tony Kornheiser and, our favorite, a tender hand slap at Stuart Scott for his soul-destroying poetry slams. Scott defends the "poems" by saying, "the reading of poetry is an African-American thing — expressing emotion," and we agree; no one better represents the plight of African-Americans than Stuart Scott. We therefore apologize for stabbing ourselves in the face everytime he does one.
Solomon also chides Scott for being too "chummy" with athletes. In case you're not sure what he's talking about, we remind you of Scott's comments while hosting the ESPN New Years Eve "extravaganza" in December:
"When you go to the sporting events and you're watching the athletes compete as hard as they can, stop booing, OK? There's no point in booing these athletes. They've all worked hard. They've all trained hard, and let's see you get out there and do it, all right?
"If you want to go and have fun and cheer your team, do that, but if your team, if your guy, if your girl doesn't do anything, c'mon, man, don't boo them."
And in that, you know why there's no live studio audience for "SportsCenter."
Bonds Show Light On Answers [ESPN]
They're Not Booing. They're Yelling Stuuuuuu ... [Deadspin]
Comments
I agree with Stu - the reading of poetry really is an African American thing. Holla at ya boy, Emily Dickinson!
Shorter Stu: Criticize me, and you're a racist. And while I'm sure Miami Steve/Silvio Dante has bills to pay, that pic sure makes me sad.
I dislike Stuart Scott intensely. I'm not a hateful person, but gosh darnit, he is frustrating. Reading poetry is an "African American thing?" I guess Homer and Robert Frost are brotha's then. Is a poetry slam "acting black?" The statement is ignorant in and of itself. Scott lives in Greenwich, CT, which is about a traditionally black at Norway. This guy is the ESPN equivalent of Carlton Banks.
"Can't you see / You're like a book of poetry / Maya Angelou, Nikki Giovanni / Turn one page, and there's my mommy." roy, kanye west would like a word with you
Images by Tyrone Green Dark and lonely on a summer's night. Kill my landlord. Kill my landlord. Watchdog barking. Do he bite? Kill my landlord. Kill my landlord. Slip in his window. Break his neck. Then his house I start to wreck. Got no reason. What the heck? Kill my landlord. Kill my landlord. C-I-L my land lord!
"We all have that role. People do it in different ways, expressing their own personalities. My personality is my personality, as Neil Everett has his own personality and Chris Berman has his own personality. None of us fakes it." Thats pretty funny since Neil Everett's real last name is Morfitt and he uses the most blatant phoney announcer voice in the history of ESPN, and that's saying something. As we all know, Berman uses his trademark Bermanisms throughout his daily life. Something about leather comes to mind...
Is it cool to boo when your favorite athelte/anchor works real hard at catching a football in the eye?
So Tony calling the queen a "babe" is an issue but the fact that the commentators at ESPN have become so establish that they can say whatever they want is not an issue? I'm a big fan of George Solomon but what he is actually doing? He's become the Tony K of ESPN. Every once in a while he writes a short piece with no point!
Scott has a "Distinctively hip use of language"? Does this asshat even watch ESPN? I hope he gets hit in the nuts with a Kevin Frandsen foul ball.
And yes I just realized that I called him the Tony K of ESPN even though Tony does work for ESPN. Shut up! I meant Tony's work for the Post....
There are many things wrong with Sportscenter, but watching Stu and his fucked-up-Charlie-Manson-eyes recite his own slam poetry is by far, BY FAR, the worst thing about it. I guess one can only hope to get hit in the head by a Frandsen BP pitch and forget it ever happened.
nice yoyo, that the jugs machine at the jets practice facility is a RACIST!
You're with me, Chaucer.
I like how he throws us soccer heads a scrap at the end of the piece. Good to know someone's listening... sort of.
Boooooooooo!
The caged anchor sings with a fearful trill of things unknown but longed for still and his tune is heard on the distant hill for the caged anchor sings of freedom.
Roy Keane = thread hero. That rocks.
test (first post, aspiring to one day receive the honor of 'thread hero')
Rumor has it that Ricky Williams dropped his application to be the next ESPN OmBUDsman... but Randy Moss already called dibs.
"I sound my barbaric BOO-YAH over the rooftops of the world" - Walt "Clyde" Whitman
Following on Stoo's logic, as someone whose recent ancestors immigrated from Galway, I should be able to drink Guinness during staff meetings at work, and anyone who tries to stop me is a racist a-hole.
Falco, you are my hero. "A child said Who is this ass? fetching the remote with full hands."
I am just waiting for the point when they will be forced to change thier tagline "The Worldwide Leader in Sports" to "The Worldwide Leader in Shoddy Journalism" by the SEC a la WWF I'm sorry, WWE. M-I-Z
Roy Keane pulls one out of the dustbin. Eddie used to be funny, didn't he?
Falco just rocked my world
I'm pretty sure Scott lifted the line about the "other side of the pillow" from Christopher Marlowe.
Or we all could just, how you say...stop watching Sportscenter. Problem solved.
I thought it was "Express-My-Emotionscenter."
I don't watch Sportscenter. And won't until it's Patrick and Olbermann again. Nobody else I want to see, really.
"Falco just rocked my world" Number 43 on the list of Top 100 Things From the 80's That You Thought You'd Never Hear Again.
#57 - "That George Michael can have any chick he wants." #26 - "Between the Iran-Contra scandal and the Star Wars fiasco, Reagan will be remembered as a joke." #83 - "As soon as Madonna's old we won't have to look at her any more." #12 - "Can Michael Jackson do anything wrong?" #1 - "With the Cold War over, Americans are finally safe."
Roy Keane + Foosteps Falco = Best Deadspin thread in weeks. Not since the cyberlynching of Tal4Prezz has the comments section seen gold like this. The resurrection of the Berman line along with Stuart Scott bashing, all couched in literary references? We are all winners today, my friends.
What the heck... Looking forward to Stu doing a voice over for Ravens highlights. His good buddy Ray Lewis make the tackle: "Quoth the Raven...Boo-Ya!"
I doff my hat to my learned deadspin colleagues. I'm not worthy.
Wait, I do have one: A thing of boo-yah is a joy forever" - "L'il" John Keats
Can't we settle this once and for all by having the SportsCenter crew pull its usual 5-minute time-killer wherein the guys remove their sportcoats and have an in-studio walk-through? On tap today: The fellas, in their slacks and dress shirts will re-enact the day when Stooge Scott was struck in the face by the football shootin' outta the Jugs machine at Jets practice. Such a presentation would help create "an understanding" ...
"Harold Reynolds, we need someone to portray Stooge's face as the football doinks into his melon. Can we count on you?"
Lastly, Stooge's poetry is his SportsCenter gift to his bruthuz, just as, back in the ol' days, those segments of Berman on-stage jammin' with Huey Lewis & The News was his gift to white guys with no rhythm ...
captain caveman: #62 "Sure...Jake's okay, but I think the Fat Man carries the show"
Roy: Bra. Fucking. Vo. #77 - "That guy on 'The Facts of Life' is just a pretty face. Lemme tell you, it's Nancy McKeon who's going places."
He was on the Facts of Life? Hmmm...the more you know....
The apparition of these faces in the crowd, Petals on a wet, black, BOOYAH -Ezra Pound (the ball inside)
I know I'm late to this but... spring when the world is cooler than the other side of the pillow- luscious the little lame baloonman whistles far and BOO-YAH -- eazy e. cummings
Stuart Scott is to ESPN as Hootie is to the music community.
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