Deadspin
Considering most of you — unless you happened to draft using Yahoo's fantasy game last night — have already held your fantasy football drafts, you are, today, in the lone moment over the next three months when you won't be tinkering with your team. Right now, you are strong; your team is awesome! And then ...
It's always one guy on whom you put all your hopes, and then blasto, poofo, away he goes, destroying your team. A couple of years ago, Daunte Culpepper was the culprit, and The Angry T lists some of history's most soul-destroying fantasy flops. Culpepper only comes in third on the list, following LaMont Jordan's sinking in the bed-and-breakfast swamp last year and, sadly ... Kurt Warner. We will never quite wrap our mind around Kurt Warner's football career; we think it might have been a blip in the Matrix.
That is, until he's starting for our Buzzsaw by Week 9.
10 Guys Who Almost Made You Riddle Your Office With Bullets [The Angry T]
(Our pick for this guy this year? Larry Johnson. Not that daring, we know.)
Comments
What is this, a sting operation? Is Iracane waiting, finger on the ban button, for people to start replying? Well, I'm on to you.
Ill go with Steve Smith, Delhomme can't throw a ball anymore, get Carr in there and points will pour in.
Be careful Will, the combudsman won't appreciate much more of these fantasy shenanigans. 2 posts in one day...
Shaun Alexander will move up to #1 on that list by November 1st.
In one of my leagues, we had to autopick and I've got Larry Johnson and I'm pissed about it.
Lots of fantasy posts today.....Rob's head must've exploded by now.
Banning: DO NOT WANT
@NDEddieMac: I actually *do* care about other people's fantasy misfortunes, but only if they are heart-wrenching.
Edgerrin James had many out there cursing the Buzzsaw offensive line last year. It should at least be an honorable mention.
@JohnDavidBootyShorts: "...get Carr in there and losses will pour in."
Fixed.
Fuck the Yahoo. Our entire league is trying to figure out what to do. 1/2 the guys can't draft tonight. No one wants to wait and miss week 1. Bad mojo. I want my money back. Oh.
My fantasy football dispenses weed and liquor.
Huh?
Kevin Jones 04-05. Thanks for nothing jerk.
@Rob Iracane: What????? But...but...you said...hamana, hamana hamana. This string is anarchy! Thank you Nibbles!!!
@Rob Iracane: Ohhh, ok. I was worried it was a you see fantasy football mentioned your vision turns red and you wake up 3 hours later with a bloody object in your hand 3 towns over type situation.
Who are all these people who do fantasy leagues with their coworkers? Fuck those people.
The Buzzsaw OL crushed me last year. This year, my money is on Rudi Johnson and Willie Parker.
Kurt Warner's football career = Leonard's lucid period in 'Awakenings"
Meanwhile, i think it's gonna be VY this year. He's fun to watch, but NOBODY around him, and the whole madden thing(stupid yes, but that shit works)...plus people seem to be taking him really high
Who are all these people who do fantasy leagues with their coworkers? Fuck those people.
Eh. It's an easy league to win, when you're playing against attorneys.
@44 in a Row: Do you work with me?
Squeaky Fromme ruined my fantasy assassin team.
The current poll on my fantasy league's Sportsline site asks how much money you'd have to be paid to blow John Madden to completion while maintaining eye contact. I just thought I'd throw that tidbit out there.
@44 in a Row: I had to put up with an attorney who tried to draft Steve Smith in the 10th round after he was drafted in the 4th round. He tried to say that the guy who originally drafted him didn't specify which Steve Smith.
Snatchflap.
I took Jason Bourne #1 in my Fantasy Assassins League.
@TheStarterWife:
It's an easy excuse to talk about football nonstop for several minutes during work hours. Even if the guy you're talking to is convinced his team is just fine with J.P. Losman at QB.
@Suss--: So much hate.
@Tuffy: That's a reach.
Charles Whitman was still there at three. I am so winning my league this year.
@TheStarterWife:
umm, didn't you say that you did?
Tuffy, you look at the clip half full. I look at it half empty.
@preciousroy: Now you're making me nervous. Gavrilo Princip is making a comeback this year, right?
@Suss--: Let's blow the whole thing off.
@Tuffy: For the Second Pick in the Deadspin Fantasy Assassins League, Rory B. Bellows takes Gavrilo Princip.
@Tuffy: Please, you really think a Serb can help your team out?
"Let's blow the whole thing off."
Good idea. We don't want to trigger another pun thread.
@Tuffy: Its a snake draft. Plenty of good assassins still on the board.
No love for Lee Harvey Oswald or John Wilkes Booth? They are both solid first rounders.
And I'm taking Leon Czolgosz as late round sleeper.
@Tuffy:
I went with Brock Samson, but the league i'm in scores stabbings higher.
@Rory B. Bellows: @Tuffy: third pick? John Wilkes Booth.
@Rory B. Bellows: FUCK! fuckfuckfuck. okay. be cool, tuffy. be frosty. Is Mehmet Ali Ağca still available?
@preciousroy: Ever seen one take a dive into a crowd? Masterful.
@Suss--: And we want to make room for the penetrating analysis.
People, these are guys with one kill.
That's like trying to win a football league with Cadillac Williams as your first pick.
At the very top of my personal list is TO from two seasons ago, when I picked LT, him and McNabb 1-2-3 and was running away with my league ... until his fucking jackass comments got him suspended, McNabb got dinged and didn't finish the season because they weren't going anywhere anyway, and I lost first place by THREE GODDAMN POINTS the last week of the season.
And how do I punish him? By picking him again this year.
*pounds head on desk*
Sirhan Sirhan would be a solid second-rounder.
For the third pick in the Fantasy Assassins League, I take Léon. And yes, I do plan on platooning Natalie Portman later in the draft.
Wow, that was a kinda creepy sentence. Sorry.
@preciousroy: I thought we were judging by the outcome. World War I bitches!
Suck it.
@Tuffy: @Signal to Noise: I want Sirhan Sirhan.
@Tuffy: Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left.
Leon has to be the LDT of the Assassins draft.
[www.imdb.com]
Charles Guiteau is solid in my keeper league.
Look at all y'all and your fantasy football. Around here, we're doing Fantasy Playhouse Disney. Silly Baby Mets drafted My Friends Tigger & Pooh with the first pick. Sucks to be her! (Everyone knows The Wiggles are the #1 pick in that league.)
"And we want to make room for the penetrating analysis."
Your mother, shell be so proud to hear you say that.
I had to put up with an attorney who tried to draft Steve Smith in the 10th round after he was drafted in the 4th round. He tried to say that the guy who originally drafted him didn't specify which Steve Smith.
That doesn't even make sense. If he thought Steve Smith was available, why would he wait until the 10th round to begin with? I'd move to compel him to stop being a douche.
Banderas!
This is why I love playing against all you rookies.
@Da_Mang: Three namers always go early; the real gems are the two namers near the middle of the draft.
@Rory B. Bellows: No snakes; only humans. I'm tired of someone trying to draft the Black Mamba every year.
@I'm a People Person. Who Drinks.: If you're in a point-per-stab league, he rises up the board fast. Of course, you get some smartass that takes Paul Hogan in the late rounds, but he's the one that's easiest to fleece in a trade mid-season.
Does Ookie qualify as an assassin here? I am guessing this is only after the season starts. (I really got to stop having those mid-July drafts.)
@metschick: I'd like Eeyore, please. Then I'll have someone depressed to hang with by Week 5 when everything's gone to hell.
As Morpheus would say, there's a difference between knowing the route and running the route.
@metschick: The Wiggles have some concern at the yellow shirt dud